Advanced Beard Ethics and Catering Antics
by driedflowers0808
Summary: With ulterior motives, Abed orchestrates a scheme to have Jeff pose as Britta's date for her ex-boyfriend's engagement party. To make sure his plan is successful he enlists the rest of the study group to pose as caterers for the event. Mostly a Jeff/Britta and Annie/Abed story, but with some Britta/Troy and Jeff/Annie. - Chapter 3 *fixed*
1. Its a Courtney Love Kind of Day

**A/N:** I do not own Community.

* * *

After a night of mistakes and too many drinks, Britta Perry woke up to the eardrum bleeding sound of her alarm clock.

"Fuck," Britta muttered. She rubbed her eyes and laid back down. After many drinks last night and the unpleasant memory of Starburns' tongue down her throat, today she just wanted to sleep the memories away, not go to Greendale and experience its weirdness.

Britta checked her cell phone and saw she had four voicemails. She didn't need to bother checking who called her, she already knew who did. The same person whose call fueled her drunken debacle. Britta vowed to never answer a call from her. Every time she did, the control she had over her own life vanished. After taking some aspirin, she struggled out of bed and threw on the first clean clothing items she found. Today, Britta would show up late and she couldn't care less if she missed Annie's stupid pre-biology class study meeting.

* * *

The clock struck a quarter past nine and Annie Edison fidgeted in her seat. Her frustration slowly rose with each tick of the clock. She tried to hold it in, she knew her constant obsession with her grades agitated the group, but now that they shared a grade, her frustration reached the point where she just had to blurt it out, "Where is Britta? She better come today, we are planting our yams and if she doesn't come our grade is going to be lowered!"

"Oh An-nie, I'm sure she just overslept. You know that girl is always carousing about at all hours of the night doing God knows what," Shirley reassured her.

"At least this way, we don't have to start our day hearing about how favoring yams is somehow discriminatory to another vegetable," Jeff retorted.

Pierce added, "I don't need any negativity from her today. My Neo-Buddhist Temple is having a thought-share ceremony this weekend and I'm supposed to prepare by freeing my mind of all negative thoughts. Otherwise, my brainwaves will disrupt the prayer signals the prayerspector laser-ray sends to Buddha."

"Awesome lasers aside," Troy said to Pierce, then turned to Annie and sleepily complained, "Annie, why do you even make us come to these? I mean like half of us like live with you."

"Because," Annie began, "we share a grade and we all need to be on the same page before class starts."

Britta slowly walked into the study room, and slumped into her seat. Her blonde curls poked frizzily out of control and her aviators hung on the tip of her nose. Gently, she laid her head down on the table.

"So, what crappy cover did your band Hole perform last night?" Jeff taunted her.

"Jeff, would you shut it with those stupid Courtney Love jokes every time I'm hungover?" Britta responded as she rolled her head over on the table and looked at Jeff, "Its starting to become unoriginal."

"Yeah Jeff, she's right. This isn't the nineties anymore. You should have referenced, Lindsay, Amanda Bynes or perhaps Ke$ha. She's the new blonde, hot mess stereotype," Abed commented as he raised his pointer finger in the air.

"Please, lets not talk about Kesha. When Annie bought that album by her and played it for like three days straight...I think my eardrums and soul died," Troy pleaded.

"Troy, she's not that bad,"Annie responded.

"Who is this Kesh-a?" Pierce asked.

"Some pop star who cant sing," Britta mumbled, with her head still on the table.

"I don't allow my children to listen to her," Shirley added, and then focused on what Britta was doing. Britta's hands tightly grasped her ears. It surprised the group how quiet she was. Even with a hangover, she normally would complain by now how Kesha's songs are demeaning to women.

"Also, she eerily looks like a coked up John Travolta in a blonde wig and make-up," Troy shuddered, "Its like you're half expecting a picture of her and Tom Cruise to end up in _The_ _National Enquirer._"

"Her music isn't that bad," Annie repeated in defense of herself from Troy's previous comment.

"Oh, come on Annie, next you will say her lyrics speak to you," Jeff said.

"Its been said her lyrics define a generation," Annie replied in a matter of fact tone.

"Who the hell declared that?" Jeff asked.

"I read it in an article...on the internet," Annie said nonchalantly.

"Annie, 'Whoa oh oh oh oh, There's a party at a rich dude's house, Whoa oh oh oh oh,' defines a generation?" Jeff asked as he smirked at her, "I'm glad its not mine."

"Okay, the songs are ridiculous," Annie yelled, "but that doesn't mean I can't like them! Also, I wasn't the one who just quoted one of her songs, Jeff."

"Guys, Guys! Can't you see Britta is upset about something?" Shirley reprimanded. She then turned to Britta and asked in her uplifting tone, "Brit-ta would you like to share with the group what is wrong?"

"I don't think so Shirley, its kind of personal," Britta mumbled.

"Did one of your cats die again?" Jeff asked without taking his eyes and thumbs away from his blackberry.

Britta's head rose from the table, she looked at Jeff in disgust and said, "No! Do you really think I would have come here today, if one of my cats died?"

Jeff looked up at Britta from his blackberry, shrugged and said, "Well, I don't know. Maybe to make us come to a cat funeral or something?"

"Britta, if one of your cats is going to die, we will pay her respects with a memorial service fit for a dog," Troy said sweetly as he smiled at Britta.

"Thanks Troy, but none of my cats are on their deathbed just yet and they're all males," Britta answered.

"Brittles, are you still struggling with your sexual preference because I have another letter prepared for this exact situation," Pierce said.

"Pierce, I am not a lesbian" Britta responded. She took a minute to think, while the group waited in anticipation. "I'm upset about...the...ocu...no...the...seals. Thats right, the seals are dying or something and like Greenpeace wont take me and stuff like that. Theres nothing I can do and this is...um...a major problem. Like watch that documentary about those guys who go to Japan."

"If your referring to the Academy Award winning documentary, _The Cove_, that's about dolphins," Abed tilted his head with a curious look.

Britta didn't even respond. Annie noticed her vulnerable and sad look. It was obvious she was trying to hide something. Annie knew Britta wouldn't spill her heart out to the group, so she suggested, "Maybe we should just all go to biology class"

Everyone rose from the study table and began to stand up. Britta forced herself to pull her head up off the table. Her pounding headache disoriented her and she dropped her purse on the floor. The contents of Britta's purse scattered about. Annie bent down to help Britta pick up her stuff and observed the objects which included, some condoms, a half eaten candy bar, tampons, a pipe, and a white card with gold trimmings on the edge. Annie picked up the card and observed the writing.

"Don't read that," Britta reached out for the card.

"Britta, is this what you are upset about?" Annie held up the card with a concerned look.

"Fine, yes. My first boyfriend from high school is getting married and I was invited to the engagement party," Britta said as she got up off the floor.

"Why would he invite you? Thats horrible," Shirley asked.

"Its a long story, that I don't care to discuss. Can we please go to biology now and stop interfering with my personal life?"

Annie began to open her mouth to ask Britta a question, but Jeff spotted it and interjected, "Guys, Britta is obviously really hungover and in a horrible mood. Can we please stop bothering her about her personal problems?" He sympathetically looked at Britta and received a small smile of thanks from her. The study group began to walk out of the room.

Annie watched Britta begin to walk out of the room, but called back to her, "Um, Britta, your ex-boyfriend is named Wesley J. Harper III?"

Britta sighed in aggravation. Annie could tell she was pestering her, but Annie knew she needed support from the group and intended to find out as much as she could about what troubled her friend.

"Yeah, thats his stupidly pretentious name," Britta turned around and gave Annie a sorrowful look, which Annie read as an indicator to drop the subject.

"Okay," Annie faked a smile and said, "we better get to Biology."

* * *

After Biology, Annie caught up with Abed in the halls. She figured, if someone had any clue about how to help Britta, it was Abed.

"Abed, do you know whats up with Britta?" Annie asked as she cornered Abed at his locker.

Abed turned around, not at all alarmed by Annie ambushing him at his locker,"Well, she's obviously dealing with some of the demons of her past. We don't know much about Britta, but with the right conversation we can find out whats going on."

"Do you think you know whats wrong with her?" Annie asked, her brow furrowed in concern.

"I can only assume, but it seems her high school boyfriend getting married is an upsetting situation for her. Perhaps because of an overbearing and or passive aggressive mother forcing her views on her, but I can only assume by her reaction to Shirley's wedding."

"Well, Abed how do we fix it?" Annie frustratingly asked, "Because I know who her ex-boyfriend is-"

"You do?"

"Well, not personally. He's a really rich guy who owns this company that-"

"Interesting," Abed interjected and thought for a moment. "Annie, you must confront her with these details and report back to me"

"Do you have a plan?"

"Not a definitive one, but a rough sketch," Abed said as he left Annie at the doorway to her class.

* * *

Britta decided to head out to her car after biology. She angled the seat back a bit, lit up a joint and put on her headphones to listen to her walkman. For the first time today, she felt at peace. She didn't need to think about anything, it was only her and Radiohead, until a tap on the window disturbed her moment of solace.

"Britta?"

It was Annie, Annie always had to butt her head into her life. However, Britta thought,_ in Annie's defense, I also get way too involved in her life_. She decided to roll down the window.

"Hey, you seemed upset earlier and I know how you aren't as open about your feelings as everyone else. So, I just wanted to tell you that I'm here for you and If you ever need to or want to talk, I'm here to listen."

"Okay, thanks," Britta thought for a moment. Annie helped when she needed to avoid Blade, but this might be over her head. This was an actual real life, complex, adult problem and Annie was so young and naive. Britta could always talk to Shirley, but in these circumstances, Shirley would probably judge her. In the end, Britta couldn't hold it inside. She learned in her psyche class that things like this probably shouldn't be bottled up.

Annie started to walk away and Britta called out, "Wait!" Annie turned around, Britta opened the passenger side door and said, "Get in"

Annie reluctantly got into the car. Britta took a drag of her joint and was about to offer Annie some, but then remembered her friend's past. She looked so innocent, it was easy for Britta to forget Annie's past addiction. She immediately put it out and let her headphones hang from her neck.

"So, your ex-boyfriend's father is Wesley James Harper II?"

"Dah'doy Annie"

"The founder and CEO of Harper Corp, the medical device company and one of the richest guys in Colorado?"

_Of course Annie would figure this out, with her annoying hospital administration class, it was only a matter of time._

"Yup, you wan't to know everything, don't you?"

"Of course Britta, I just wan't to help you. You are like a sister to me"

"Thanks," Britta managed to half-smile, "You cant, under any circumstances tell anyone who is not in this car what I am about to tell you. Understood?"

"Understood."

"If you do, I will purposely fail at biology and ruin your grade because you and I both know I don't need that class to graduate."

"I won't Britta."

"So, my family and Wes' family are really close and stuff. My dad owns a plastic company that supplies stuff for Wes' father's company.."

"I knew it!"

"Knew what?"

"You're loaded aren't you?"

"Annie!" Britta's eyes widened at Annie's outburst.

"Sorry, that was kind of rude," Annie winced as she apologized.

"I'm not loaded, my father on the other hand is and how exactly did you know?"

"Come on Britta, leather jackets and stripper boots don't pay for themselves"

"I don't accept a dime from my dad for your information,"Britta said, then remained silent for a moment.

"I'm sorry Britta, that was insensitive for me to say," Annie looked down away from Britta and was about to get out of the car.

"Its okay," Britta said as she grabbed Annie's arm to assure her it was fine to stay, "Anyway, like I was saying, our dads are friends, but Wes is best friends with my older brother, so he's like connected to my family for life. We'd known each other since we were kids and our parents pushed us together like some oppressed, arranged marriage in some third world country. We dated until my sophomore year in high school. Before I dropped out and ran away, but then he cheated on me."

"Is that why you dropped out?"

"No," Britta shook her head and dolefully replied, "There are many reasons why I dropped out."

Annie laid her hand on Britta's shoulder and gave her a supporting look.

"After I found out he cheated I didn't speak to Wes for years, "Britta began again, "but my mother reminded me of my so called 'mistakes' every chance she got. Last time I spoke to her, four and a half years ago, we got in a fight about it. Wes drunkenly told my brother he missed me or something lame like that and my mother jumped on it. Like it was going to save me from a life she described as 'depraving.' Now he's getting married and my mother has left me four messages on my voicemail."

They sat in silence for a couple moments.

"Are you going to go?" Annie asked.

"Well, that's the problem, I only listened to the first of my mother's four voicemails, and she RSVP'd for me and a guest. When I got the invitation a month ago, I didn't respond because I didn't want to go. Its this weekend and I'm completely screwed"

"Britta, you know you don't have to go," Annie said sternly and shook her head, "You have no obligation to Wes or your mother"

"Thanks Annie, but its a little more complicated than that. If I don't go to the engagement party, she said she would disinherit me. Its all part of her plan to get Wes and me back together. Its not that I care about money. I'm not even getting any, but its my grandmother's watch. Its the only thing I get in the will and it means a lot to me..." Britta and Annie remained in silence for a moment. Britta then looked at the clock radio in her car and said, "I have to go to my psych class...Thanks for listening." Britta gave Annie a hug and then they left the car.

* * *

"Did you talk to Britta?" Abed tracked Annie down at her locker.

"Mmmhm," Annie nodded and began to walk away.

"So what did she say?" Abed said as he chased Annie down the hall.

Annie stopped for a moment and turned around,"I promised her I wouldn't tell," Annie turned around and began to walk down the hall again.

"Annie, how are we going to help her if we don't know what the problem is?" Abed said as he stood still waiting for Annie to respond.

Annie cringed and turned around, "Fine, I will only tell you that she needs to go to this engagement party to get her mother off her back and to get her grandmother's watch."

Abed stood still for a moment in deep thought. "Just what I thought...Okay, I got it. Meet me in the study room in an hour," Abed suddenly took off down the hall.

* * *

An hour later, Annie walked into the study room, only to be greeted by Abed dressed as Inspector Spacetime.

"Good, Geneva!" he said with a British accent, "I have a mission for you to complete."

"Abed, I have class, I mean, Inspector," Annie put on her bad British accent, "I have an Intergalatic Alliance meeting I must attend. Could you not get Reggie to complete the mission for you?"

"Unfortunately not," Abed said as he put his arm around Annie's shoulder, "You must skip this meeting of yours because this is of imperative importance. It has to do with securing associate Reena's happiness."

"Oh really?" Annie replied as she knew the Inspector Spacetime character they assigned to Britta was barbarian princess Reena, even though Britta did not participate in any of their homages.

"Yes, Geneva, here are the coordinates for your mission, you must be there in approximately fifteen minutes."

Annie looked at the paper Abed gave her of the "coordinates," which consisted of a hand drawn map of Greendale with an "x" written in red over where Annie was supposed to go.

"But I am not wearing the proper attire, wouldn't that warrant me to go to my meeting instead," Annie asked with the hope that she would be able to go to class instead.

"No, for this mission I have for you, you must be...disguised. Now please, go now, we haven't gotten much... time."

Annie left the study room and followed the directions Abed gave her. She ended up outside of a classroom. Patiently, she waited for something to happen. A few minutes later, students began to swarm out of the door across the hallway from her. Then Duncan came out of the classroom and unfortunately came over to greet her.

"Well, isn't it the very legal and very lovely iron-fanny Annie? The American meaning of fanny, I mean," Duncan chuckled.

"Excuse me, Professor Duncan, but don't you mean irony-free?" Annie asked in an offended, but confused tone.

"Nope. You know its a shame that your friend Abed had to ruin that psych study of mine, it could have been us working together a lot, instead of that flat butted and chested blonde friend of yours. I thought she was hot at first, but then she opened her mouth-"

"Professor, are you drinking again?" Annie interrupted by whispering inconspicuously.

"Nope, I would say I'm pretty sober right now," Duncan looked at his cell phone for a minute and then said."Whoops, I'm sorry, but I have to be going back to my office, I'm late for an appointment."

Annie stood confused, still not understanding exactly why Abed sent her there, or how it was supposed to help Britta. She waited ten more minutes, until it was time for the group's daily study meeting.


	2. The Chapter Where Abed forms a Plan

**A/N: **I do not own _Community_ or _Cocktail_. Also, this takes place between "Virtual Systems Analysis" and "Basic Lupine Urology."

* * *

Abed picked the lock on Duncan's office in an unassuming manner, while Troy looked out.

"Inspector, I do believe this is a substandard idea," Troy paused for a brief moment and looked up and down the empty hallway, with a concerned countenance, "This is an invasion of associate Reena's privacy."

Abed successfully picked the lock and looked up at Troy, "Constable, she needs our help. Now, this is the foremost way to obtain information about associate Reena."

"But Abed!" Troy frustratingly winced and jumped up and down, "This is a really, really, really bad idea. Like worse than the time when you deceived us about Pierce dying! Or when we broke into Allen's office! Or the time when I spent all my money on a four wheeler!"

Abed ignored Troy's pleas and entered Professor Duncan's Office. He opened a file cabinet and began sifting through the files.

"Excellent! Quick steps Reggie, we must leave before the owner of this office returns," Abed said as he held up a file in his hands.

He shut the file drawer and left the room, followed by Troy. Abed began to run down the hallway, to get to their usual secret meeting storage closet the group always used. As he ran, he spotted Shirley, who stopped them in the hallway, "Why are you two wearing pajamas again?"

"We're paying homage to Inspector Spacetime," Troy explained.

"What's that folder in Abed's hand?" Shirley asked as she pointed towards the stolen file.

"Associate Angie, this is a confidential file of importance relating to what Reena is searching for!" Abed explained, "Unfortunately, we must go..." Abed left Shirley standing there confused.

"Associate Angie? Reena?" Shirley stood confused about what just happened, "That poor boy needs to get his head examined," she shook her head and continued onto class.

Abed reached the storage room and sat down on a chair there. He was about to open the file, when Troy momentarily stopped him.

"Abed, I am going to say this one last time. This is not a good idea at all," Troy said in a serious manner with desperate, sorrow filled eyes.

Abed momentarily broke character and said, "This is something I have to do," he looked at Troy with a serious face.

Troy nodded and said, "I'm leaving, when you figure out what you want to do, you know where to find me," he began to walk out of the room, but turned around and said, "Just don't tell me or anyone else whats in there. It wouldn't be fair to her."

Abed nodded, then opened the folder and began to read the psych file of Britta Perry.

* * *

Jeff saw Annie waiting in the middle of the hallway aimlessly with her back turned to him. He approached her with confidence as his legs took long strides over to her.

"I don't usually see you around this hallway at this time of day," Jeff tapped Annie on the shoulder. She angrily turned around.

"Abed made me come here to do something," Annie said frustratingly as she threw her hands up in the air, "I missed my Healthcare Informatics class!"

Annie began to walk down the hallway and Jeff followed her, "Why did Abed make you miss class?"

"I have no freaking clue!" she shook her head, "I went into the study room because he told me to meet him there-"

"Why did he want you to meet him in the study room?" Jeff asked as he suspiciously looked at Annie.

"It doesn't matter," Annie waved her hand at the thought of telling Jeff about helping Britta, as she knew he wouldn't approve, "Anyway, he was standing there dressed as Inspector Spacetime-"

"Annie, how many times do I have to tell you, if he's dressed up as a character, you need to walk away. Just think about how many meta things has he made us re-enact this year? I mean whats next_ Law and Order_?"

"I know," Annie stopped for a moment and looked up at Jeff. She considered telling him about what was happening, that Abed was probably planning something right at this moment, but she didn't want to betray Abed. "Its just, he makes it so easy. You know, to get swept up in the moment." A half smile rose on Annie's lips.

Jeff pursed his lips together and ruffled his hands through his hair, "As easy as he makes it to get 'swept up in the moment,' you have to realize that he can't keep using us as pawns."

"Come on Jeff, you love it," Annie said and began to walk away from him again.

"No, I don't," Jeff simply replied as he caught up to Annie.

"So, Britta, looked pretty upset this morning, huh?" Annie asked casually.

"Annie, are you fishing for answers from me?"

"If I wanted answers, then why would I ask you?"

"Because, we all know that I know the most about Britta."

"Who says that?" Annie asked nonchalantly.

"Abed," Jeff responded.

"If you knew what she was going through right now, then you would probably try to make her feel better! Not telling us to stay out of her business," Annie lost her composure and responded to Jeff with almost a yell.

Jeff turned to her, looked into her eyes, and pointed towards his chest, "I know Britta. She doesn't want help. She deals with things in her own way. How do you know what's wrong with her anyway?"

"We are a lot closer than you think," Annie began walking away again, then turned around and sternly said, "Jeff, if you cared about Britta at all, then you would be trying to help her."

Jeff stood still and looked at her silently.

"I have to go find my Healthcare Informatics Professor to see what I missed. I'll see you at the study meeting later." Annie turned around and walked down the hall.

* * *

Abed, tracked down Jeff walking across the quad to the parking lot, "Jeff! Wait! To help Britta, we are gonna pull a, 'The One in Massapequa.'"

Jeff turned around and said, "Abed, Britta is a big girl. She doesn't need our help. We need respect her space and stay out of her personal business. Also, I have no idea what the hell are you referencing."

"_Friends_! You know the one when Ross and Rachel pretend to be married at Ross' parents' anniversary dinner. You're gonna go to the engagement party as Britta's fiance, so her mother will stop bothering her."

"I don't know why you would think her mother is the cause of this," Jeff said in a concerned manner, "Also, I almost never watched _Friends_ and I don't know how many times I have to tell you, me and Britta are not Ross and Rachel!" Jeff wrinkled his forehead in frustration.

"I know that. I'm just trying to follow the formula. It's a classic sitcom trope. They used it in _Cheers_, _Three's Company_, _Wings_, _How I Met Your Mother, 3rd Rock from the Sun_ and of course multiple times by _The Big Bang Theory_," Abed paused for a moment, then commented, "That show always seems to recycle plots."

"Abed this isn't a TV show and this 'scheme' you've congregated would never work in real life..."Jeff put his sunglasses on and turned around, to walk towards his Lexus. He paused for a second, then quickly turned around and took off his sunglasses, "What do you mean by formula?"

"Well, you and Britta have that flirtatious banter thing, you had secret sex for a year, you started the study group to get with Britta, you get jealous of each others' romantic conquests, you-"

"Abed, get to the point!"

"So, according to the formula, you are meant to be, the OTP, the Jim and Pam, the Mulder and Scully, the Sam and Diane. Well, actually you and Annie are bit more like Sam and Diane..." Abed began to think for a moment.

"First of all, no. Second of all, you and Troy are more like Mulder and Scully than me and Britta are."

"That may be true, but Britta needs our help. We're her friends Jeff. Don't you want to help her develop as a character and grow?"

Jeff sighed, he began to think about his conversation with Annie in the hallway today, and then said, "Fine...you're right Abed, but this is the last time this year you convince me to participate in a homage to some movie or show. Its been happening way too much lately."

"Deal. Pick up Britta at 5:45 at her apartment tomorrow night."

* * *

Abed casually walked into the study room, where Troy, Shirley and Annie sat around the study table.

"Where is Jeff, Britta and Pierce?" Annie asked, with a slight panic in her eyes.

"I told them the study session was cancelled," Abed stated as he arched his eyebrows.

"Abed, why would you do that? We need to discuss our plans for our plant cell diorama!" Annie cried, "I know we don't study like ninety percent of the time we spend in here, but in all seriousness this doesn't just affect your grade, but also mine. Which I happen to care about immensely."

"This takes precedent over anything academic," Abed replied to Annie.

"Plus, its Friday. We have all weekend to do the diorama," Troy added.

Abed continued, "I've got us jobs as caterers for Britta's ex-boyfriend's engagement party."

"Hell yeah! _Party Down_?"Troy asked.

"_Party Down_, Troy," Abed high fived Troy.

"Abed, why would you do this and how did you get us these jobs so quickly?" Annie asked with slight apprehension in her voice.

"We need to help Britta fight and confront her past demons, so she can grow as a character. Also, I've been waiting for a Britta origin episode," Abed said, "When I applied for the jobs, I explained how me and Shirley had culinary experience and for you and Troy, I just needed to show the guy your pictures."

"Abed, that is so creepy," Annie's eyes widened and her brow crinkled.

"You didn't show them the one of me at the carnival, did you? Because The right side of my face just looks ..."Troy motioned over to the right side of his face.

"Why didn't you show them my picture?" Shirley interrupted as she narrowed her eyes over at Abed as she clenched her purse on her lap.

"Don't worry Troy, it was the one from Christmas," Abed assured him and turned to Shirley, "and its nothing like that Shirley. They were going to hire you because of your background in cooking. They needed attractive waiters, so that s how I got Annie and Troy the job."

"Well, I guess I could get Andre to watch the boys. We really should be there to support Britta in case things go out of hand," Shirley nodded her head in approval.

"So, you guys are in?"Abed said as he looked over at Troy and then at Annie.

"Wait, why isn't Jeff coming?" Annie asked.

"He has another part in the plan."

"What's his part in the plan?" Annie gave Abed an incredulous look.

"Its complicated," Abed stated.

"What about Pierce? He's going to be mad if we leave him out," Annie said.

"He's at his Neo-Buddhist ceremony, so I don't think he will mind."

* * *

Jeff walked up to Britta's apartment building, dressed in a Dolce and Gabbana suit carrying an orchid in his hands. He checked his hair in a mirror in the apartment building's hallway and then went up to Britta's door. He took in a deep breath and then knocked.

Britta cracked open the door and peeked through as the chain lock hit her in the head.

Jeff smiled pompously and said, "Hello, future Mrs. Winger."

She rolled her eyes and then slammed the door, "Jeff, I thought we agreed to stop this," Britta yelled through the door.

Jeff replied from the other side of the door in the hallway, "Abed sent me. He says that if I pretend to be your fiance, a rich and successful lawyer, then your mother will stop bothering you. Something about a Massapecua thing and NBC's _Friends._"

"Massapecua? The town on Long Island?" Britta opened the door and let Jeff in. Jeff paused for a moment and looked at her. His mouth dropped open slightly and his eyes broadened. She was wearing a dark blue dress with silver, with high healed, strappy sandals. Her hair was slightly curled with more care than normally and she wore silver dangling earrings. She stood at her kitchen table, digging through her purse, transporting items from her large black bag into a small silver wristlet. She scowled at Jeff and said, "What the hell does Abed want us to do?"

"He wants me be to be your fake fiance at the engagement party, so your mother wont bother you about your hipster life"

Britta clenched her teeth and made a fist with her hand, "Damn it Annie! I knew she would tell Abed."

"Don't blame Annie, she really wanted to help you," Jeff said and then chuckled, "She nearly killed me in the hallway today for not asking you what was wrong."

"Yeah, she always seems to put you in your place," Britta scoffed, then raised her eyebrows and commented, "And we both know why you didn't need to ask what was wrong."

"Exactly, and that's the very reason why I'm the best man for the job," Jeff smiled as he tried to convince Britta to let him help her.

Britta paused, thought for a moment and sighed,"Okay...do you think it will work?"

"I don't know, I didn't really watch _Friends,_" Jeff shrugged.

"Alright, if your coming we better get going," Britta said as she walked out the door.

* * *

At the engagement party, Troy took his place as bartender and tried to juggle the bottles in _Cocktail_-esque fashion. As he threw the bottles up in the air and attempted to catch one behind his back, he heard a crash on the floor. Troy winced and said, "Damn, Why does it do that every time?"

"Troy your doing it wrong, watch," Abed took the bottles and perfectly juggled them and said, "Coughlin's Law: anything else is always something better."

"I take some offense to that," Troy said as he crossed his arms.

"Sorry Troy, I don't want to be bartender," Abed shook his head, looked around and said, "I'd rather be a waiter, that way I'll get a better view of the show."

"Show? Are they playing the _Fringe _somewhere?" Troy exclaimed.

"No, Troy there aren't any TVs here. I want to be able to hear what Jeff and Britta are going to say about their fake relationship."

"Oh yeah, that. I don't know why you picked Jeff to be her fake fiance. Those two are gonna bicker the entire night," Troy pursed his lips and shook his head.

"Jeff is the most credible of us. Pierce is too old and you and me are too young. Jeff will impress her parents also he's good at charming people. He also knows more about Britta than we do."

"Or at least more than I do," Troy said as he gave Abed an accusatory look.

"You know it was essential for me to read that, so we could figure out a plan," Abed tilted his head over at Troy.

Troy gave a lamentable nod.

"Plus, I'm hoping they will go into fake relationship mode like last year and try to out-do each other," Abed said.

"I guess it makes sense. He does drive a Lexus. Also, they can be entertaining when they try to out-do each other," Troy admitted

"Listen, I didn't tell Annie about this because of how I think she was going to react," Abed said.

Annie suddenly popped up next to Abed and said, "React about what? Are we going to do a _Wedding Singer _homage?"

"Coughlin's law: never tell tales about a woman, she'll hear you no matter how far away she is," Troy said as he smiled awkwardly.

"Good one Troy," Abed gave Troy a thumbs up.

"Don't try to avoid the subject. Tell me about what?" Annie persisted.

"I convinced Jeff to come as Britta's date and I didn't tell you because I wasn't sure you would still want to help us," Abed explained.

Annie's face dropped for a minute. She then composed herself into a forced smile.

"Why would I care about that? Hahaha, I don't care that Jeff and Britta will be faking a relationship, holding hands, dancing together all night, possibly even kissing. Hahaha why would I care about that? Oh, look that napkin looks out of place, I'm going to go err fix it."

Troy gave Abed an angry look and said, "I thought you made her realize she doesn't love Jeff."

"Not exactly, I was a step in that direction. I made her realize she was in love with the idea of making Jeff love her. She still hasn't gotten over her jealousy of Britta," Abed corrected.

People began to arrive and take their seats.

Annie went over to the first group of people seated at one of the tables and asked them in a familiar southern drawl, "Would any of y'all like some wa-ter?"

"Great Abed, you broke Annie." Troy said.

"In my defense, she broke me first."


	3. Don't Worry, It Always Works on TV

Jeff pulled into the parking lot of the engagement party venue. He stopped his car and put it in park. He started to get out of the car, but Britta grabbed him by the arm. She gave him a petrified look, prompting him to say, "We're going to get through this, don't worry."

She chewed her bottom lip and said, "Jeff, its been like-"

"Four and a half years, I know."

"Exactly, you know, I'm a bit intimidated."

"You've been to countless countries, war zones even, been arrested multiple times, woken up in the middle of a forest after taking too much peyote, and have been the only person ever to realize that I was a complete bull shitter right away. Abed couldn't even sense that! And you are afraid of them?" Jeff gestured towards the party's venue, "You shouldn't be. You've lived more than they ever will. I know your mother hasn't talked to you since you rejected Wes four years ago, but after tonight she won't bother you again."

"What if it does work out? And I have to pretend we're together for the rest of my parents' lives."

"That's not going to happen," Jeff began to laugh, "Where would you get that idea from?"

"_How I Met Your Mother_."

"You watch that show?" Jeff snickered.

"Only when I visit Troy, Abed and Annie."

"When did you start visiting them a lot?"

"I don't know," Britta sighed, "We better go inside." She left the car and Jeff followed. "Dammit, why did I ever quit smoking?" Britta commented as they walked up the steps into the building.

They entered an elegantly decorated hall with dim lights and white flowers everywhere. Jeff suddenly grabbed Britta's hand, which alarmed her. She flinched at the surprise and then gave him a stern look.

"Sorry, I know you hate it when I do stuff without warning," Jeff apologized.

"Britta Catherine!" A voice called at them from across the room. A blonde haired, blue eyed woman, who looked to be in her mid to late fifties, began to approach them, "Oh, how I've missed you. Who is this handsome man holding your hand?" The woman then attempted to grope Jeff, who smiled awkwardly.

"Hi Mom, this is Jeff...my...umm...fiance."

"Your fiance? Hello, Frida Perry, such a pleasure to meet you," The woman smiled at Jeff.

"No, I would say its my pleasure," Jeff said, "and must I say, you look way too young to be Britta's mother. I would have sworn you could have been her sister."

Britta rolled her eyes as she watched her mother fall all over Jeff.

Frida laughed and said, "Why, thank you Mr?"

"Winger," Jeff replied.

"So, you're getting married?" Britta's mother asked her enthusiastically.

"Yes, Mom"

"Thank God," she said in a dramatic manner and poked at Britta's abdomen, "You know your biological clock in there is ticking and I was so worried that I would never get any grandchildren from you!"

"Yes, because that would be a tragedy," Britta deadpanned.

"I mean you wasted your good years gallivanting about the world doing God knows what! Those eggs are dying in there, better step on it," she said as she winked at Jeff.

A man in his late sixties came up to them. He raised his eyebrows at Jeff and then looked over at Britta and sarcastically said,"Hello, Britta. We all feel quite honored that you were able to grace us with your presence tonight."

"I'm sure you are, Dad." Britta replied as she tried to repress her sarcastic nature without success. She gestured over to Jeff and said, "This is Jeff, my fiance"

"Hello, there Jeffrey, Jim Perry. I'm looking forward to getting to know you."

"You too, sir."

"Come!" Britta's mother exclaimed, "Jeff, you must come over to our table and meet Britta's brothers!"

As Frida walked across the room, Jeff noticed how she wasn't walking in a straight line. He whispered over to Britta, "Is she drunk already?"

"She's probably been drunk since ten am," Britta sighed with discontent as she pursed her lips.

They walked over to the table Britta's mother directed them over to, without noticing the other study group members walking around, or that Abed was getting yelled at by the catering director to stop staring at the guests.

Jeff sat down at the table occupied by a man in his mid to late thirties and another who looked to be college aged. Britta hugged the younger one and pecked the older one on the cheek.

"Jeff, these are my brothers Anders and Sam."

"Nice to meet you. Such a surprise, Britta of all people being engaged," Sam, the younger one said as he tried to hold in his laughter.

"Please excuse him. He doesn't know how to react to Britta having a boyfriend who looks like he hasn't been incarcerated," Anders said dryly, "Oh, and I'm Anders by the way."

Jeff nodded and said, "Nice to meet you both."

"Yeah, well the last time she dated a guy who wasn't a creep, I was seventeen. And that was Wes, before that they were all weirdos too."

"I thought she dated Wes when she was fifteen," Jeff asked as he raised his eyebrows.

"That was the first-" Sam began.

"Sam!" Britta interrupted, "Did you graduate from the University of Chicago this semester?"

"No, I have to stay an extra semester, but I really don't care. That way I get to be President of my frat longer."

"So, how did you two meet?" Anders asked as Britta's parents came over to the table and sat down.

"We met in Spanish class," Britta responded.

"So, you two met at Greendale?" Anders smiled with the knowledge that Jeff may be another loser to add to Britta's repertoire.

"Yes, I am a lawyer, but I took a Spanish class there because I thought it would be helpful when dealing with clients," Jeff replied.

"I guess that makes sense," Anders said as he took a sip from his drink.

"You're a lawyer?" Britta's mother asked as she smiled and tilted her head.

Jeff nodded, "Yes, I primarily deal with criminal law."

"Hey Sam, next time your fraternity gets in trouble you can contact Jeff here," Anders joked.

"Anders," Britta's father said with a stern voice, "You should know this isn't the time to bring matters such as that up. For God's sake you're a neurologist."

Everything seemed to be going fine, until Jeff heard a familiar southern drawl

"Howdy y'all, My name is Caroline and I'll be your waitress this evening. Would any of ya'll like a glass of water?" Annie held a pitcher of water in her hands.

Jeff and Britta looked at each other with mortified faces. Jeff composed himself and asked,"Yes, miss I would love some water. Interesting accent, wouldn't happen to be Texan would it?"

"Yes, it is. Corpus Cristie to be exact," Annie said with an enthusiastic smile.

Britta's father's eyes lit up at the sight of Annie. He smiled at her and said, "I would also like some water. Has anyone told you, how beautiful your blue eyes are?"

"Oh, thank you kindly, sir," Annie replied to Britta's father with an awkward smile as her eyes drifted over to Jeff. She poured more water and left the table.

Jeff heard Sam whisper over to Anders, "Dude, I bet you five-hundred bucks, I can bang that waitress by the end of the night," causing Jeff to nearly leap across the table and attack him. Britta's family stared at him with confused looks.

"The candle looked like it was going to fall over," Jeff covered.

"What the hell? Stop being such a spaz," Britta whispered, "Jesus, can't you for once control yourself around Annie? What is she doing here anyway?"

He composed himself and leaned over to Britta. He kissed her on the neck and whispered in her ear, "I don't know, Abed did something. I'm going to figure this the hell out and get these crazies out of here."

Britta put on a fake smile for the table and whispered back to Jeff, "Thanks, and when you find that wiry weasel, tell him I am going to tie him to a chair and make him watch me break every one of his thirty seasons of Inspector Spacetime."

Jeff began to scan the room for other members of the study group. He spotted Troy at the bar, stood up and ask, "I'm going to go get a drink, would anyone else care for one?"

* * *

As Troy stood at he bar, he spotted Jeff and Britta, whispering into each other's ears. A jealous feeling erupted in the pit of his stomach. He stared at them with a jealous frown, until he heard a voice.

"Hey, I've seen you before somewhere..."

Troy focused on the random guy talking to him.

"I don't know, maybe," Troy said, then focused on watching Jeff and Britta again.

"Have you been on TV?" the guy asked.

"TV? I don't think so...Well, once for the High School Football District Championships," Troy couldn't help but enact a cocky smile.

"Wait! I got it! You're the guy!" The man said with excitement.

"The guy?"

"Yeah, the guy from the Greendale Community College commercial!"

"Oh yeah, that. I thought that was only on in the middle of the night."

"Yeah it is. I usually run on London time, so I end up watching a lot of bad late night TV"

"I bet. Would you like me to make you a drink," Troy offered.

"Rum and Coke, but first you have to do the thing," The guy pointed towards Troy.

"The thing?" Troy cocked his head in confusion.

"Yeah, that awesome thumbs up thing."

Troy reluctantly did the thumbs up from the Greendale Commercial.

"Awesome man! I cant wait to tell all the guys on London time, we love that commercial."

The guy left as a disgruntled Jeff came up to Troy and whispered, "What the hell are you schizoids doing here?"

"Abed convinced us that we were somehow helping Britta by being here, but I think he just wanted to see you two argue and have us pay homage to_Cocktail_. Which we can't even do properly because our Elisabeth Shue is off pretending she's engaged."

"Well, that's not going to happen. Britta and I are going to convince her snooty parents how awesome we are in our fake relationship. Where is Abed?"

"He got banished to the kitchen for staring at the guests, mainly you and Britta."

"Well, the second I have a chance to go to the 'bathroom' I'm giving him a piece of my mind."

"Good luck, with that," Troy replied as he raised his eyebrows.

Jeff turned around to go back to his seat, but he suddenly stopped and then turned around to Troy, "And what is up with Annie? She's being Caroline Decker."

"She is...oh damn, I knew it. Abed legit broke her."

"That's it," Jeff angrily said, "I'm going to go back to my seat, pretend to be Britta's fiance, find Abed, yell at him, and then I'm going to your apartment and breaking his entire DVD collection!"

"We're in the process of upgrading to blue-ray anyway," Troy commented.

Jeff started to walk away again, but then turned around, "I told them I was getting a drink."

"What do you want?"

"You're not even going to put on a bartender persona? You know say 'what'll it be?'" Jeff asked.

"No, I do not want to be a bartender. I just want to be comfortably sitting in my chair, watching TV with Abed."

"Sorry, I'll have-"

"I know, a scotch with a drop of 'spring water' and a vodka with four olives," Troy gave Jeff a jealous look as he poured the drinks.

* * *

Jeff went back to the table and set Britta's drink in front of her. She immediately grabbed it, put it up to her lips and took a long sip. He then sat down next to her and puts his arm around her.

"So, Jeffrey would you care to tell us how you proposed to Britta?" Frida asked.

"Mom, its really not that interesting, why don't you tell a story about your bridge club?" Britta covered.

"Britta don't be silly," Frida turned to Jeff, " it must have been one grandiose proposal to get this one to agree with marriage"

Britta gave Jeff a concerned look as she took another long sip of her drink. Jeff paused for a moment, tilted his head at Britta's mother and said, "Its actually a great story. Britta is just too shy for me to tell it." Jeff turned to Britta and smiled, "I set up the study group room, where I first asked her out, with candles, everywhere and rose petals on the floor. In the background, I had Radiohead's _All I Need_ playing. I stood there, in the middle of the room with the most adorable three legged kitten I rescued. We named him Winston after the _1984 _character. She walked in wearing the prettiest red dress and met me in the middle of the room. I got down on one-knee and held up little Winston, with a note attached to his collar, and had her read the note. It said, 'Will You Marry Me?' And she accepted."

Britta tried to keep herself from succumbing to the Winger charm. She kept telling herself its a lie, but for some reason, at this moment it felt more real than any of her true memories. To keep herself from showing genuine feelings for his story, she let out a small laugh. She still couldn't believe how much he did know about her. Those seven months felt so short.

"Oh, what a romantic story. No wonder Britta said yes, you know all about her. What about the ring? Britta let us see the ring," her mother urged her to show the table her hand.

Britta temporarily panicked, they didn't have an explanation for why she wasn't wearing a ring.

"I didn't get her a ring,"Jeff smiled and looked at Britta, "because I know how upset she gets over blood diamonds" He looked deeply into her eyes and kissed her.

"Oh, Britta and her causes," her mother shook her head, "Honey, you could have had a ring and instead you took a kitten?"

"Mom, I've told you all about blood diamonds from before remember?" Britta said casually.

"Before?"Jeff gave Britta a suspicious look as her eyes widened.

"Yeah, from before when she was-" Sam began to explain.

"Mom! Remember that time Anders won the junior tennis championship?" Britta interrupted.

"No one wants to hear that," Anders said.

"Don't be silly! Its a wonderful story really. Remember Jim?" Frida exclaimed.

"Yes, Honey I do," Britta's father deadpanned as he took a sip of his drink.

"It was a charming summer day, not too hot, not too cold..."

"I'm sorry, I need to excuse myself to the restroom for a moment," Jeff walked towards the kitchen to find Abed.

* * *

Shirley didn't realize how demanding it would be to work in the kitchen. She was really working and not watching the scene going on outside. Abed sat in the kitchen, disappointed, because the catering company team leader banished him from being a waiter to cooking.

"I'm missing it. I'm missing it. I'm missing it," Abed repeated as he banged his fist on the table in a quiet manner.

"Well, suck it up Abed this was your idea," Shirley said with anger, but then suppressed her temper, "I mean Ahb-ed we are here for Brit-ta. Not to watch this train wreck of an idea of yours."

"Yeah, I know, Shirley. Thanks for trying to use your muppet voice, even though it clearly failed."

A sudden burst of anger swept through the doors. It was Jeff Winger.

"Abed! What the hell were you thinking? I mean did you even think at all? Never mind you must have because Pierce is not here. And because of that fact, what the hell did you do?"

"I'm fixing the situation," Abed explained, "Britta needs to confront this. Its vital to her character development"

"Character development? Abed, this is not a TV show! Did you really need to invite everyone else?" Jeff threw his hands up in the air, "Annie has gone off the deep end and Troy looks like the most depressed bartender I have ever seen!"

"Jeff, this night is vital to everyone's character development."

"That's it! This 'episode' has gone 'over-budget' and you have to fix it now, Abed!" Jeff yelled as he kicked one of the pots on the floor and then stormed out of the kitchen.

"Abed, he was really mad. Did you do this behind his back?" Shirley leered at him.

"Yeah, but for good reasons. Jeff needs to confront his conflicting feelings for Britta and Annie. Annie still needs to get over her need to make Jeff love her and her intense jealousy of Britta. Troy needs to see how complicated Britta is and Britta needs to reconcile with her family and confront her buried feelings for Jeff."

"Didn't we tell Annie to have a talk with you about messing with the study group members' lives like we are some characters on a TV show?"

"Yeah, but she owes me one."

"Abed she 'owes you one'? I don't think I quite understand."

"Annie messed with the fabric of the group once before for selfish reasons. She owes me one to make it right."

"'It right?' Abed, are you okay?"

"Yeah, its all going to work out Shirley," Abed said in a determined tone.

* * *

**A/N:**I don't know about everyone else, but I always thought it would be awesome if Britta's mother was played by Jane Curtin, but that's just me. lol. Also, I just remembered Britta has two older brothers, so sorry about making one of them younger. It just went with the story better.


	4. An Unexpected Guest

**A/N:** Just wanted to say thanks for the reviews! So, the most of the Annie/Abed moments will come in later chapters because this whole story ended up being longer than I thought.

* * *

Jeff started to walk back to the table and saw a tall, handsome stranger standing over at Britta's table talking to her family.

"Jeff!" Britta got up and started to make out with Jeff, who temporarily got lost in the moment. As she pulled away, his eyes widened and he peered into her eyes.

"Jeff, this is Wes," Britta motioned her head towards the table. Jeff, still dumbstruck, snapped out of it and then walked over to shake the man's hand.

"Nice to meet you," Jeff nodded as he shook Wes' hand.

"You too, Mr. Winger," Wes raised his eyebrows at the sight of Jeff and gave him a sly smile, "None of us ever thought Britta would become engaged, a-"

"We may bicker sometimes," Britta interrupted and then looked at Jeff, "but we love each other, right honey?"

"Yes, sweetie," Jeff leaned in to kiss Britta again, but witnessed the worst possible thing in the entire world to happen tonight; Pierce Hawthorne walked into the room. He whispered into Britta's ear, "Pierce is here."

"What?" she breathed in deeply.

"Right behind you. Someone has to tell him to leave before he completely messes this up and your family and the rest of these people here decide to call the crazy police."

"I'll go," Britta nodded.

"What are you two whispering about?" Wes suspiciously asked as he took a sip of his rum and coke.

"Oh, its nothing Wes. I have to go to the powder room, I'll be back in a couple of minutes," Britta put on a fake smile and began to walk away.

"The powder room? Come back soon Princess Grace," Jeff retorted.

"Real funny, do you always steal your jokes from_ Mad Men_?" Britta fired back as she turned her head back and gave Jeff a flirty smile.

* * *

Annie stood against the wall near the cake, away from the rest of the party. She clenched the waitress tray in her hands as she focused on Jeff and Britta making out. her right eyelid began to twitch as she increased her grip on the tray.

From afar, in the kitchen, Abed spied on the party through the window in the galley door. He first drew his attention to Jeff and Britta and thought about how his plan was going well. He then focused on Annie, who looked like she was about to break the tray she held, in half. He felt a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach, he wasn't sure if it was jealously, fear or possibly guilt.

"Abed, you are supposed to be helping me!" Shirley scolded, "This is a lot of work for me to be doing by myself."

"Shirley, these aren't real jobs, we are only doing this for one night," Abed said as he observed Annie.

"I know, these aren't real, but I was thinking about keeping this. Considering my sandwich shop isn't working out..."

"That's nice, Shirley," Abed said vacantly as he stared at Annie.

Annie still stood in the corner of the room. Just as she focused on Jeff and Britta making out, she attempted to look away, causing her to witness the arrival of Pierce Hawthorne. Her eyes widened, she immediately left her post and scurried over to Pierce.

* * *

Britta started walking up to Pierce, but saw that Annie had gotten to him first and was trying to diffuse the situation.

"Pierce what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at a Neo-Buddhist ceremony?" Annie asked with a hint of aggravation, as her voice raised slightly louder.

"I was, but unfortunately it got cancelled last minute because of radiation problems. So, I decided to come to this instead." Pierce said as he put his hands in his pocket, "A better question would be, what are you doing here, looking like a waitress?"

"Because I am a waitress, Pierce," Annie said in an annoyed tone.

"Do you need money? Because you know I can give you some."

"No, I can't take your money. Who do you know here anyway?"

"The bride's father and I went to college together. This one time ha ha, we took some LSD and ended up on the golf course with some circus clowns-"

"Pierce! Please, don't finish that story. You need to leave!" Annie interrupted as she cringed from the thought of what Pierce's story may contain.

"Annie, don't take this rude tone with me!"

"Sorry Pierce, I'm a little on edge tonight. Something important is happening and you cant screw it up."

"Whats going on?"

"Britta and Jeff are pretending to be engaged and we can't have you blow their cover because-"

"Oh, you're pulling a _Cactus Flower_?" Pierce interrupted.

"_Cactus Flower_?" Annie tilted her head in confusion.

"You know, woman pretends to be ex-wife of guy, so he can get with the hottie?" Pierce shrugged.

"You mean a _Just Go With It_?" Annie asked as she crinkled her forehead.

"No, a_ Cactus Flower_. Whose being the beard for who anyway? Its for Winger isn't it?" Pierce rubbed his hands together, smiled, then gestured towards Annie, "I mean, if he wanted a believable beard he should have taken you instead."

Annie smiled, until she heard a voice behind her.

"Pierce, for your information, Jeff is covering for me, so my parents wont bother me about my life," Britta interjected as she crossed her arms and gave Pierce a death stare.

"Your parents are here? Ha ha really?"Pierce laughed and began to look around the room.

"Yes, they're friends with the groom and you better keep our cover. I don't want this mess to turn into a debacle like chennnerable."

"Its Chernobyl," Annie corrected.

Britta rolled her eyes and asked, "So, where did Caroline go?"

"Sorry, Britta. Its easier for me to interact with you and Jeff, if I pretend to be someone else. I'm afraid I'll let something slip," Annie replied with a paranoid expression.

"You and me both. I don't know why I ever listen to Abed. If it doesn't work on TV, it probably wont work in real life," Britta shook her head.

"Actually, Britta it did work on _Friends,_" Annie tilted her head at Britta as she defended Abed.

"It did?" Britta attempted create a suspension of disbelief.

"Yeah don't you remember? Ross told the most romantic engagement story," Annie's voice drifted off like she was remembering a fond memory.

"I didn't watch _Friends,_" Britta deadpanned to Annie as she raised her eyebrows.

"You didn't?"

"No, I was living in New York then and I didn't have a TV."

"New girl! Tend to your tables!" the catering director yelled as he passed Annie, Britta and Pierce.

"I have to go thats my boss," Annie put her accent back on and left.

"Did Annie just start talking in a southern accent?" Pierce asked.

"Yeah, its a long story," Britta replied as she face-palmed and shook her head.

Pierce started to walk over to his seat, but Britta stopped him, "Listen Pierce, here are the rules. If you break any of them and I mean any of them, I will exact revenge on you the only way I know how."

"And how is that?" Pierce asked with an amused expression.

"You really don't want to know, Pierce. Do not hit on my mother, do not drop any of your 'subtle' comments about my sexuality, actually, do not include any indication that we know each other. In fact do not talk to me or anyone sitting over there at that table at all!"

"Harsh."

"Yeah its harsh, but you know what? Life is harsh. The world is harsh. People are dying from starvation and war all over the world and I am here impressing people I hate!" Britta threw her hands up in the air and began to walk away.

"Jeez, you don't have to be threatening."

* * *

As Britta left to talk to Pierce, Jeff sat down at Britta's family's table and suddenly realized he was alone with them and Wes.

"So," Wes enacted a cocky smile at Jeff, "You're a lawyer huh?"

"Yes, he is!" Frida exclaimed, "Criminal law, isn't that right Jeff?"

"Yes," Jeff nodded and took a sip of his drink.

"What firm?" Wes asked.

"I recently left Hamish, Hamish and Hamlin, and opened up my own private practice."

"I heard the law has taken on some hard times, any trouble getting clients?" Wes asked.

"Nope, criminal law, you know, people will always commit crimes," Jeff pursed his lips as he raised his eyebrows at Wes.

"Sounds like you're doing quite well. So, how long have you and Britta been seeing each other?" Wes asked as he took a sip of his drink.

"We've been dating three years, engaged for one of the three," Jeff immediately responded.

"And you met where?" Wes continued to interrogate Jeff.

"I took a Spanish class at Greendale, we met there," Jeff began to respond with slight aggravation.

"Interesting," Wes simply stated.

Britta walked back over after talking to Pierce she sat next to Jeff, who put his arm around her.

"Hey, Britta, remind me again how long you and Jeff here have been dating," Wes asked.

Britta casually responded, "Dating two years, engaged for one of the two."

Jeff looked at her panicked.

"Jeff just told us it was three," Anders corrected.

"You know Britta, she's so weird about labels, especially at the beginning of a relationship," Jeff covered as he shook Britta with the hand around her shoulders.

Britta quickly smiled, nodded and took a long sip of her drink, finishing it.

"So, when am I going to meet your fiance? Whats her name, again? Laurie, Linda, Leslie, Linds-" Britta asked Wes.

"Lisa," Wes interrupted, "She's talking to her parents over there right now," Wes directed towards the table Pierce was sitting at, "Probably later, her mother is a talker."

Annie came over, with a tray full of plates.

"They're starting to serve the first course, excuse me, I must go back to my seat," Wes replied as he got up and left.

Annie served Frida first and then Jim, who grabbed her by the arm and whispered something in her ear. Annie nodded, as she tried to retain the smile she forced. Jeff's eyes began to narrow. She served Britta without making eye-contact and then served Jeff, who she tried to avoid looking in the eye, but couldn't. After serving Jeff, she served Anders and lastly Sam, who placed the back of his hand against her stomach and touched one of her shirt buttons. He whispered something to her as she set his plate on the table.

Jeff opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, he felt someone kick him from under the table. Britta turned to him, grabbed his hand with hers, smiled and then whispered to him, "Cut the Annie shit, nothings going to happen. My brother is too much of a douche for her to like him. Which says a lot because Annie is attracted to douches."

"Yes, but was that really Annie?" Jeff whispered back.

Britta's eyes widened, "Good point..."

"Also, I just want to denote that you have slept with two and kissed three of the four 'douches,'" Jeff whispered over to Britta.

Britta rolled her eyes and sarcastically responded, "Thank you for bringing that up because this is obviously the most perfect time to."

* * *

Annie had not been to the kitchen yet, as another waiter kept handing her plates. Finally, she had a chance to go to the kitchen and see Abed and Shirley, to tell them about Pierce. She began to dart across the room towards the kitchen. She almost reached the door, but was stopped by Britta's brother Sam.

He leaned with one hand casually resting against the wall.

"Hey, so I've noticed you've been staring at my table all night, and we both know its not because you're attracted to my father."

"I'm sorry," Annie replied with her southern accent, "But I don't now what you're talkin' bout."

"Baby, I'm not blind. See, if you're after my dad's money, then there is really not point in getting with him because who do you think is going to take over the business when he dies? Its certainly not my neurologist brother out there or my screw-up of a sister."

Annie's eyes narrowed in anger, she wanted to yell at him and say that Britta wasn't a screw-up, but she noticed Jeff was staring at her talking to Sam. She took Sam's tie in her hands, quickly looked over at Jeff and then suggestively looked up at Sam and said, "Well, I guess you caught me. I was staring over at your table trying to get you notice me all night."

* * *

Jeff started to tap Britta on the arm, "Look, look now."

Britta looked over at Annie and Sam, "Okay, someone needs to talk to her like now. Before 'Caroline' decides to do something fucking stupid," Britta replied, then took a long sip of Jeff's drink when he wasn't looking, "On second thought, I'll talk to her."

"No, no, no, no, you are not leaving me here to be interrogated by your ex-boyfriend again."

"Its not my fault, we didn't concoct a consistent story before we did this," Britta started to get up.

"I am serious," Jeff pulled her down by the arm, "You're not feeding me to the lions again."

Britta looked at him jealously and said, "You just want to talk to Annie and make it known that you are jealous. Which is just going to aggravate this whole asinine situation."

"No, that is not it. This is obviously too much pressure for her and I don't want her to do anything stupid."

"Maybe," Britta suggested as she tilted her head at Jeff, "we should let her learn from her own mistakes for once."

"I think she has learned more from the mistakes she's made as a kid than any of us will learn in a lifetime. Someone should talk to her."

Britta's phone vibrated, she read the text message and whispered over to Jeff, "Troy just texted Abed about the whole Annie thing. He said Abed will talk to her."

Jeff nodded and was about to take a sip from his drink, until he noticed it was finished.

* * *

"Listen, I have to go back to work now sugar, but I'll be keeping my eye on you," Annie let go of Sam's tie and wen't into the kitchen, only to be ambushed by Abed the second the entered through the doors.

"What the hell are you doing out there?" Abed cocked his head at Annie, who was frazzled.

"I'm responding to my gentlemen caller," Annie stated in her southern accent.

"He is no gentleman, Annie!" Shirley interrupted, "I know he may be Britta's brother, but you should stay away from that boy!"

"Do not do anything stupid" Abed leered at her.

"Annie isn't going to do anything stupid! She doesn't do things like that, or at least she hasn't done anything like that for a long time! Not to mention with a guy who didn't cry during it!"Annie cried.

"I wasn't talking to Annie," Abed responded, "I know Annie won't, but I think we both know that we can't guarantee Caroline won't," he gave her a worried look.

She looked back at him and noticed his serious manner.

"Just think about what you're going to do before you do it," Abed grabbed her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes, with a concerned look.

Annie tilted her head and nodded, "By the way, Pierce is here. Thought ya'll would wanna know."

"I know, Troy texted me," Abed confirmed,

"Dear Lord! What the hell is he doing here?" Shirley erupted with anger, as she took food out of the oven and nearly dropped the tray.

* * *

Britta put on a happy face after her encounter with Wesley. Jeff seemed to fit in, as he played his role well. She kept trying to tell herself, it was all an act, all a game. She tried to recall the memories of them having meaningless sex in his car in between classes, or the times he came over and left immediately afterwards, but at this moment, more than anything, she wanted to believe the act was real.

Then "Nothing Compares to You," started to be played by the band. Jeff took her hand and attempted to lead her out to the dance floor.

"I don't want to dance, Jeff," Britta forced a smile.

"Come on," He smiled back, what looked like a sincere smile, he leaned in and whispered into her ear, "Come on, they'll eat this up."

Britta nodded and then found herself on the dance floor with Jeff. She put her arms around his neck and laid her head against his chest. She could feel him breathing, he sounded so calm, so at home.

"You know," Britta began, "this was the song I had my first slow dance to. I was thirteen, at the seventh grade dance with Johnny Murphy. He tried to grab my ass, so I hit him."

"It sounds like it went a lot better than my first slow dance," Jeff responded as he snickered .

"Why, what happened?"

"I threw up on the girl's shoes," Jeff said, "it was at a bar mitzvah and I ate too much cotton candy."

Britta giggled, and said, "I'm surprised the smooth Jeff Winger ever had trouble with women."

"I will admit that it usually doesn't take much effort for me to, but I always appreciate a challenge."

"I wouldn't say you appreciate a challenge, not that I was much of one."

"You were more challenging than like ninety-five percent of them."

"Why, thank you."

"Why would you say that I didn't appreciate you?"

Britta scoffed at him, "Really Jeff, the whole time we were together, it was only because of the thrill of it being behind everyone's back, not to mention that sometimes you were emotionally closed off. I mean, hell, you would lock up your toiletries."

"That's not true, I only locked up my toiletries when Chang lived with me. He was using my one hundred dollar facial scrub as shampoo and a body wash. You wanted to end it just as badly as I did."

"I only wanted to end it because I knew you would want to end it after...well you know what happened that day."

"You mean when Abed outed us to the group?"

"No, not that, I think you know what I mean."

"I have no idea what you mean. See, why do women alway say these vague things? I have no idea what the hell you are talking about. I mean just yesterday Annie was mad at Abed for making her do something and missing class."

"And there it is," Britta said nonchalantly as she looked away from him.

"There what is?"

"Come on Jeff, the second you found out you had a chance with Annie again, you wanted to stop."

"That's not true."

"That day we made the diahrama and they left us alone in the study room together, it was written all over your face."

"What was written all over my face?"

"The joy of the thought that Annie didn't think you were gross anymore," she sadly said, "I knew exactly what you were going to say. You were going to end it. I saw _your_ face."

"I only said that because I thought you were going to end it! You never once told me that what we were doing meant anything to you!" Jeff angrily whispered.

"I don't want to talk about this here," Britta answered with a shaky voice. The song ended, she sadly looked up at Jeff, pecked him on the cheek and left him alone on the dance floor to go to get a drink at the bar.


	5. When Things Start to Go Awry

**A/N:**Just wanted to say thanks for the reviews!

* * *

As Jeff and Britta danced together and Abed calmed Annie down in the kitchen, Pierce found himself alone at his table. He attempted to eat a dinner roll, which kept falling out of his hands as he tried to put butter on it, until a man in his mid-thirties came over and started to talk to him.

"Hello, Mr. Hawthorne it is? Of the Hawthorne Wipes?" the man asked.

"Why, yes it is. Pleasure to meet you Mr.?"

"Wes Harper."

"Oh, you're the guy who was with bri-, I mean who is getting married to Lisa," Pierce recovered.

"Yes, her parents have told many, many stories about you Mr. Hawthorne. Quite entertaining ones too. I've heard you take some classes at a local community college, is that right?"

"Why yes, Wesley. I believe that as one ages the mind begins to wither and it becomes-"

"Yeah, that all seems really interesting ," Wes interrupted with a hint of sarcasm, "So, you must know Britta Perry then?"

"Brittles? Nope, I don't know her at all." Pierce said suspiciously.

"You just called her by a nickname," Wes replied in an accusatory tone.

"I did not," Pierce said as his eyes shifted back and forth.

"How about a guy named Jeff Winger?"

"Nope, but he does sound the kind of guy who might be gay," Pierce tilted his head as he raised his eyebrows at Wes.

"Ok-ay, well enough about that. I have to talk to some more of my guests. Great meeting you and good luck with eating that dinner roll," Wesley quickly said before getting up and leaving the table.

* * *

Annie left the kitchen after Abed calmed her down. She didn't know what exactly she was thinking earlier and couldn't believe how she behaved. She began to think about why she did this, but her thoughts became clouded by the sight of Britta and Jeff dancing together. Annie paused as she tilted her head and observed the behavior of her two friends. Britta's head rested on Jeff's chest as if Britta did this all the time. Their comfortableness with one another bothered her. The feeling of envy struck her heart as she narrowed her eyes and took a deep breathe. Annie clenched her waitress tray and turned around towards the kitchen in anger. She kicked open the galley door and marched into the kitchen.

* * *

Abed was helping Shirley plate the dessert, when the kitchen galley doors bursted open. Annie barged in and with one swift motion of violence, threw her waitress tray on the ground. She stared at him for a moment, her eyes ignited with the flames of her anger.

"Abed! Why the hell did you do this to me? Why are you torturing me?" she screamed and began to pace back and forth, "What the hell did I do? I don't understand," her eyes began to form tears.

"This night isn't about you Annie, its about Britta. We are supposed to be helping her fight the demons of her past," Abed stated as he remained calm and continued to plate desserts.

"Well, what about my demons, Abed!" Annie pointed to herself as she yelled.

"I tried to help you, remember?"Abed stopped plating desserts and looked at Annie.

"You tried to manipulate me! Into feeling things that, that..."

"And you didn't try to manipulate Britta and Troy?"

"You still haven't gotten past this?" tears started to fall down her face, "because you think I was making Britta take your best friend away from you?"

"It has nothing to do with that," Abed shook his head, "Have you stopped for a minute to think that maybe you still feel the need to manipulate Britta's feelings. You taught me how to put my friends' feelings first, to think about them before I did anything and that's what I'm doing. Empathy, right? The act of understanding and sharing another's feelings? Annie, did you ever stop to think about what Britta really wanted? Or maybe what Jeff really wanted."

Annie stared at Abed for a moment in silence as she attempted to restrain her tears, "I'm going to the bathroom," she said and then immediately turned around and left the kitchen.

Shirley stood in the back of the kitchen baffled by what just happened. She scurried over to the galley door and yelled out, "An-An-ie! Come back!." With no response.

She decided to not get involved in the situation at all. Even though she felt badly for Annie, she didn't want to get stuck in the middle of what could be an argument that could divide the group. "Ab-Abed, maybe you should serve the dessert," Shirley said in a quiet voice.

Abed quietly nodded with a sad look.

* * *

After her conversation with Jeff on the dance floor, Britta concluded she needed more alcohol, a choice she knew she would regret later on, as she already had let her feelings get the best of her and she wasn't even buzzed. She immediately walked over to the bar.

"Hey, Troy," Britta whispered and then said, "I'll have a Long Island."

"Umm...I don't know how to make that," Troy whispered.

"Then what do you know how to make?"

"Rum and coke and anything that doesn't require me to look it up in the little book," Troy whispered and then looked around the room, "I spilled stuff all over it when I broke one of the vodka bottles I was juggling. Don't tell the catering director, he'll make me pay for it."

Britta nodded and said,"Fine, I'll have a rum and coke."

"I'm only allowed to give you one drink and Jeff already got you one."

"Says who?" Britta furrowed her brow as her mouth dropped open.

"Abed, he says things will go aww-rry if you get drunk."

"You know what? Screw Abed! I'm not too happy with him at this moment, are you?"

"Well, no, not really-"

"Exactly, so please give me my rum and coke!" Britta said through her clenched teeth as she slapped her hand down on the bar counter.

Troy reluctantly made Britta a drink. She took a long sip while making indignant stares at Jeff. She finished the drink and said. "Another one."

"I don't think I-"

"Troy! Please, would you be ever so kind to please pour me another?" Britta raised her eyebrows at him and forced a smile.

"Fine, but you look way too pretty tonight to be getting drunk."

Britta gave Troy a sincere smile and said, "Thank you."

Troy began to mix the drink and said, "So, London time is your ex-boyfriend?"

"London time? He's that douche talking to my brother," Britta gestured her empty cup over towards Wes and Anders.

Troy gave Britta the drink. She took another long sip and finished half of it. "Here, refill this," She handed Troy the cup and he began to refill it. He handed her the cup, she grabbed his hand and said, "Thank you Troy, you're so sweet."

* * *

Just as Britta left him on the dance floor, Jeff witnessed Annie walk angrily out of the kitchen and into the bathroom. He stood in the middle of the dance floor and looked over at Britta, who scathingly stared at him while downing her rum and coke, and then over at the bathroom door. He stood between the two and then noticed Pierce sitting at a table by himself. He sighed, reluctantly walked over and sat down next to him.

"Why hello, Pierce Hawthorne. Nice to meet you," Pierce sarcastically said and offered his hand to Jeff, who took it.

"Pierce, you can drop the act. We are the only two people at this table."

"What act? I've never met you before."

"Seriously, Britta is really mad at me and you're the only other person here I know that isn't trying to interrogate me, or pretending to be someone else, or getting really drunk, or giving me dirty looks or using me as a pawn in some scheme that is so far over my head, that I can't even begin to try to decipher the purpose of it."

"Alright, I guess I can shed some of my wisdom upon you," Pierce said.

Jeff rolled his eyes and said, "Forget it," as he began to get up.

"No, I wan't to help!"

Jeff sat back down and looked at Pierce with pursed lips.

"So, did you piss Brittles off or did she piss you off," Pierce asked, "I'm guessing the former, as she can be difficult. Actually, all women can be difficult, but I think Brittles was made with more hormones or something. You know because they disrupt a woman's emot-"

"I don't really know how to explain it," Jeff interrupted.

"Its this whole beard thing right?"

Jeff nodded, "Annie, hasn't been taking it very well."

"And I take it you're not taking her flirting with that blonde kid very well?"

Jeff shook his head, "No."

"Ah, the green eyed monster of jealousy. Jeffrey, let me tell-"

"I don't even know if I would call it jealousy," Jeff interrupted again, "I mean its like whenever Britta was dating another guy, I would go out and try to prove to her that I wasn't a total ass. With Annie, its like I'm always trying to help her not get taken advantage of. Its like, well, when you were a kid, did you ever find a baby bird that had fallen out of a tree?"

"No, I wasn't allowed outdoors much. I was banned from the garden after I ruined the landscaping."

"Well, its like finding a baby bird on the ground because it fell out of a tree and its stuck because it can't fly yet. It looks so scared with no parents for help, and its all alone in the world. Then, the bird looks up at you with these soul crushing eyes and all you wan't to do is take care of it and make it safe. You hold it up eye level to you and tell it that everything is going to be okay, that you are going to care for it. From that moment on, every time the bird looks up at you, you want to fix its problems and protect it."

"But here is the problem Jeff, the bird can't just be cared for by anyone. It needs someone who knows what kind of food it eats and how to properly take care of it. Sometimes its best for the bird to be taken care of by someone else, someone who knows how to teach it how to fly. Because if you can't teach the bird how to fly, it will become dependent on you and you on it."

Jeff stared at Pierce, confused, "Wow that may have been the most intelligent thing that has ever come out of your mouth."

"See Jeff, maybe you need a squirrel, not a bird."

"Please, disregard my previous statement," Jeff stated.

"Brittles is like a squirrel, they store nuts for the winter and-"

"I think you are having Halloween flashbacks, when Britta actually did dress up as a squirrel."

Pierce thought for a moment, "I think you're right."

* * *

As Britta stayed at the bar drinking her drink and staring out at the dance floor, Troy was in deep thought about the movie _Cocktail, _"Britta, can you draw or paint?"

"Ab-about as good as my five-year old niece."

"Damn, the _Cocktail _homage just wen't out the window," Troy threw his hand up in the air, but then began to think, "Well, we could pretend you could draw..."

As Britta stared at Jeff talking to Pierce, she randomly said,"Why, why, does everrrything we do have to be 'bout Jeff and Annie? I mean its all Jeff and Annie, Annie and Jeff," Britta began to slur.

"Um, Britta, this kind of all started because Abed convinced us to help _you_," Troy said.

"Exxxactlyy, and now look, its all become 'bout Jeff and Annie," Britta narrowed her eyes over at Jeff, "I mean what would a lawyer do with me as a girlfriend? Huh? I would just fight with all his businessy lawyery friends. I would probably embarrass him at every stupid pretentiousy cocktail party he wen't to. I mean wh-whyyy would you want this, if you could have some obedient little trophyyy wife twelve or fourteen years, years younger than you? Huh Troy? Huh? I'm thirty-one, my eggs are dying! I am damaged goods!"

"Britta, your eggs are not dying," Troy sighed, "Why do you suddenly care so much? You've said before that you don't want to be with Jeff."

Britta vacantly stared out into the dance floor, as she took a sip of her drink, "I, I don't want to be wiiith Jeff. Okay, got that? See thats not the point I, I was tryingg to m-make. Its, its just that, well, relationships are com-complicated, Troy," she replied as she narrowed her eyes at Jeff.

"No, they aren't," Troy muttered under his breathe and then looked over at the empty rum bottle next to Britta at the bar, Troy's eyes widened in panic, and he yelled in a whisper, "Oh my God! Were you drinking this when I was thinking about _Cocktail_?"

Britta nodded, "Yeah, so, so, wh-what?"

"Abed is going to kill me!" Troy said in a high voice as he cringed, "Britta, maybe you should go home, like now."

"No, no, I'm not readyyy to g-go hommee yet-t," Britta replied as she stumbled away from the bar.

"I knew I should have stayed home and watched _The Fringe_," Troy shook his head as he watched Britta walk away.

* * *

As he walked around the venue greeting his guests, Wes spied Jeff talking to Pierce. He smiled to himself and walked over to Britta.

"Can we talk in private for a moment?"

"I, I told Jeff I wouldn't leave him alone with my nutjob of a family again," Britta stated.

"It doesn't look like he's talking to them right now," Wes replied as he motioned his head in the direction of Jeff talking to Pierce. Britta chugged her drink and then nodded. She followed Wes, who led her into the coat room.

Once in the coat room, Wes turned around and talked to Britta, "Remember the last time we were together? What was it, like five years ago?"

"A, a temporary moment-t of insanity on my, my part," Britta replied as she leaned against the coats, to control her balance.

"You're drunk aren't you?"

"Wes, you are so perspective. Maybe, you, you will be perspective enough to realize this conversation is pointlessss."

"Its 'perceptive.'"

"I'ma pretty sure I'm drunk. Give me a, a pass here."

"Come on Britta, don't you miss it? When you came back from New York, I just knew I had to have you again. I thought you wanted the same, but then I wake up one morning and you're gone."

"Nope, w-we are not going to happen, ever again," she shook her head.

"Its happened twice before," he said.

"The, the first time, I, I was an emotionally damaged fi-fifteen year old girrl, who thought it would be cool to date a guy who was three years older than herrr and look! Look how that turned out! And the, the second time, I did that only be-because my, my mother was bothering me and you were there and I, I thought it would be easssy, but you know what? I realized its ne-ver been easssy for me and nevvver will. Thats why I left the second time and six months later, I end up at Greendale and meet Jefff Wiiinger."

"If you didn't care about me so much, than you wouldn't have brought that fake fiance of yours here."

"He,he's not fake. Jeff and me love each other."

"I've seen the Greendale commercial, Britta. I've talked to Pierce Hawthorne. I know that you, Mr. Hawthorne, the bartender, the crazy waitress and Jeff, all know each other. You also aren't even wearing a ring."

"Jeff is my best friend and I do love him. Hee knowss morebout me than you do! Also, Annie is not crazzzy. In the commercial and to-tonight she's been, both times going through an emotional crisis. You'd have to be-be therrree to understand. Also, I don't have a ring because of, of blood diamonds, not to mention that its an ar-ch-chaic indicitation of a man's ownership of, of a woman."

"Its 'indication.'"

'Whatever," Britta rolled her eyes.

* * *

Abed was serving dessert, when he noticed Pierce come up to him.

"So, Ay-bed, I just wanted to thank you for including me in you're little plan to get flat-butt and gaytard together," Pierce said with slight sarcasm.

"You said you were going to a Neo-buddhist ceremony. I didn't think you would wan't to come."

"Of course I would. You know how emotionally invested I've been in your efforts to nail Annie."

"I don't want to just nail her. Pierce, its not like that. She's like the Mary Jane Watson to my Peter Parker. I can only express my true feelings for her when I'm someone else."

"I know, you know what I mean. Why do you think I support you and not Jeff?"

"Its not working out anyway. We've left _Friends _territory and now are moving into _Cheers_ territory. Its not looking good." Abed shook his head, "Nothing ever goes according to plan on _Cheers._ The only thing that will save this is an epic Jeff Winger Speech, and I don't think he has it in him."

"He started talking about bird metaphors earlier, maybe he's thinking one up as we speak."

"I hope so. Also, Pierce, don't tell Troy I compared myself to Peter Parker, he kind of has dibs on Spiderman references."

"Eh, don't worry. I'll probably forget anyhow. So, have you seen Britta's ex-boyfriend? It seems that Brittles has dated d-bags other than Jeff Winger and that tiny nipples guy," Piece asked.

"You talked to Wes?" Abed's eyes widened in paranoia.

"Yeah, he came over and talked to me."

"Where is Britta?" Abed asked as his eyes began to trace all over the venue for her without success, "I have to go find Troy now, bye Pierce."

Abed ran over to the bar and asked Troy, out of breathe, "Where did Britta go?"

"Her ex-boyfriend came over and asked to talk to her privately," Troy answered glumly.

Abed began to look around the room, he saw a drunken Britta stumble out of the coat closet and walk over to her family table and sit back down next to Jeff, who had returned to his seat. Abed looked over at Britta's mom, who intensely stared at the doorway Britta just came out of. About a minute later, Wes followed. Britta's mother's eyebrows rose with curiosity.

He looked over at Troy and said, "Please don't tell me you let her get drunk."

"It wasn't my fault. I swear," Troy's arms fell by his side in a dramatic manner, "I was thinking about _Cocktail_ and she snuck like a whole handle, practically."

"We're in _Cheers_ territory now," Abed nodded, "female, lead character gets drunk is a staple episode."

"I always liked drunk Rebecca myself," a voice filled with anger said from behind them.

Troy shrieked and Abed turned around, to see Shirley leering at him with her arms folded, "Abed, what the hell have you been doing out here? I need your help and Annie still hasn't come back from the bathroom. What did you do to her? Because that conversation you two had was so vague, and it made her so upset."

"Drunk Diane was better," Abed commented, "she sang Bob Dylan, and still retained her wit for snappy comebacks."

"Shirley, we are kind of in crisis mode out here," Troy said in a serious voice as he leaned on the bar, "And drunk Diane wins."

Abed pointed at Troy and nodded. He then said to Shirley, "I'll go talk to Annie."


	6. Bathroom Conversations

**A/N:**Just wanted to say thanks for the reviews!

* * *

Britta stumbled over and loudly plopped herself into her seat next to Jeff. He looked over at her. She noticed a worried expression on his face, the way his forehead crinkled upwards and his eyes became vulnerable, a look Jeff Winger did not allow himself to exhibit in public often, yet it always seemed to be on his face as he left her apartment afterwards or when he looked at Annie.

He leaned over to her, she could feel his warm breathe on the skin of her neck. She began to hear him whisper, "I think we should talk about what you said earlier."

Britta looked at her family sitting around the table and noticed they happened to be in a heated discussion about the Republican Presidential nominee. Normally she would have argued about how the GOP is set on diminishing their civil liberties, but she could tell Jeff wanted to talk to her, "We don't ta-talk about things like that Jefffff," she quietly replied. Her tongue felt thick and useless. The words left her mouth before they reached her brain.

"Its kind of important," He whispered back.

She turned and looked over at him, tilting her head while sighing, "I'm pretty sure you, you think anyyyything that you have to say is important, when really...its not."

"I do not!" Jeff clenched his teeth, "I'm trying to address what is obviously making you behave like this."

"Like what?" she scoffed.

"Britta," Jeff said in a low voice, "please just listen to me for a minute."

"Fine, you selfish bastard, just telllll me what you want to tell me."

He leaned in closer to her ear, "I, I could have had Annie and I said, 'no,' because I was sleeping with you."

"Is this yourrrr stupidly bizzzzarre explanation for the 'Annie of it all' shit." She whispered. The smell of the alcohol on her breathe stung his nostrils.

"No, Annie and I didn't do anything. It was after I made the Chang speech to get him into the group. We were in the bathroom and she said, 'Either, you want me or you don't, Jeff. Whats it gonna be?'"

"Please, tell mo-ore. This story has me, me on the ed-ge of my se-seat," Britta whispered sarcastically.

"So, you don't even care what I said to her?"

"Um, no. What you sayyy and think about herrrr is none of my business."

"Britta, now you're just being difficult."

"I'm be-being difficult? Mr. Two hundred dollar facial scrub/I have to get up early to-tomorrow to go to the gymmm, even though I'm rrrreally getting a facial."

"How did you know I was getting a facial that day?"

"You-your blackberry password is-isn't that hard to figu-re out. Also, when the, the guy you are hooking up with's phone rings when heee is not in the room and the, the...what's it called...the, the caller ID is another woman's name, you, you answer it. Apparently you were not too happyyy that Rhonda was doing your facial one morning, so like the manager switched your appoint-appointment to Janet or Jennifer or something like, like that."

"Rhonda is a menace, she would have burned my face!"Jeff replied with a low voice

"Oh, Jeffff Wiiinger, how vain you are," Britta silently stated with a cackle as she poised her chin up in the air.

"At least I'm upfront about it! Please, remind me how you get your hair professionally colored every two months, so your roots don't show!"

"Are we going there? Because I, I will go there. I will beat. Your. Ass. There." Britta slurred.

"Or maybe we can talk about how much your shoes cost because we all know _real _leather is expen-" Jeff paused for a moment, then realized Britta was sidetracking him from talking about their problems, something each of them always did when they were close to revealing their intimate feelings or thoughts. He whispered back over to her, "No! You are not dragging me into a competition about the stupid, vain stuff each of us does secretly! I have something important to say!"

"Jeff, everyone has, has something important to say. It doesn't mean we alllll have to, to listen. I mean its not like you ever did."

"Why do you always have to be like this? I'm trying to tell you something and you're not even listening because that would entail to you losing the argument or conversation or whatever you wan't to call this exchange of dialogue we are currently having."

"You, you do the same exact thing, but if, if you're gonna beababy, then I will, I will play along." Britta snapped back and responded sarcastically in a high voice, "Oh, pllllleassssse dotell me what you said toher. Would bashing my eyelash-lashes helppp make my concern more beliveralble?"

"Really?"

"That'sit? That's what you, you said toher? You said, 'rrrreally'?"

"No!" Jeff frustratingly whispered to her, "I said, 'I wish I could give you an answer that makes sense. Relationships are complicated, Annie, and we are in the men's room.' Then you came in to ask me to help Shirley. It was the night we wen't to that concert and had those crappy mezzanine seats." Jeff attempted to grasp Britta's hand, but she moved it, leading Frida Perry to tilt her head with curiosity.

"S-so, you only said 'no,' to herrr because you were sllllllleepin' with me?" Britta whispered over to him.

"Its not entirely that simple-" Jeff began.

"Y-yes, I see, 'its complicated,'' Britta narrowed her eyes as she nodded at Jeff.

"Exactly, see you just always underst-"

"I mean, fucking an innocent, wa-wait not innocent, but naiiiive twenty year old girl, who would probably be attached to you at the hip afterwards and would just portray you as some dirrrty old man. The group would be angry at you and thennnn you would feel guilty. A feeling we aaalllll know, eatssss awayyyy at your core, Jeffff Wiiinger." Britta snapped back in a low voice.

"That is not it," Jeff stated with discontent.

"Oh, it is, it, its pretty damn ob-obvious how "it" it is,"

"That doesn't even make sense and you're drunk."

"And you're an asshole, but tomorrow...I'll be sober."

"You stole that from something."

"No, no I didn't."

"You did, its from some show."

"It, it is not," Britta slurred nonchalantly before she started to get up from the table, prompting Frida Perry to ask, "Britta, are you going to the bathroom?" Frida got up and then followed Britta into the bathroom.

"I'm asking Abed later!" Jeff yelled back to her, prompting Britta's brothers to give him a strange look, "So, how 'bout that Herman Cain guy? Five-Five-Five plan, right?" Jeff covered as he gave them a nervous smile.

* * *

"Geneva?"

Annie sighed as she sat in the last bathroom stall, she knew Abed had just come into the restroom to find her.

"Inspector," she tried to control the crack in her voice, so she didn't sound like she was about to cry, "This is not the appropriate time to contact me, as I am indisposed and most certainly...not pleased with you at this moment."

"Listen, sweetheart, I know I may have upset you, but it really was for your-"

"I don't want to talk to Don Draper either."

"Princess, you're a tough girl-"

"Or Han Solo," Annie yelled as she sniffed her nose.

"Who do you want me to be?"

"Please, just go."

"I just wish I could say, I'm sorry." Abed stated.

Annie sat in the bathroom stall, contemplating what she was going to do. She saw Abed's feet walk away and sighed in relief. She heard the door to the bathroom open and then suddenly Abed's head popped down at the bottom of the stall. He rolled into the stall, as Anne's mouth hung open and her eyebrows narrowed. She was about to yell at him, but he jumped up and gently covered her mouth with his hand, while putting his index finger to his lips, "Shhh," he whispered with wide eyes, "People are coming in."

She nodded, Abed kept his hand over her mouth and motioned for her to get up on the toilet, so their feet could not be seen. They stood on the toilet on their feet and crouched down, so their heads were obscured by the stall.

He looked into her eyes and mouthed, "Don't say anything." She nodded, then he slowly took his hand off her mouth. She started to open her mouth again, to yell at Abed, but he covered it with his hand again. He tilted his head and gave her a reprimanding look.

They heard the sound of high heels clacking on the marble floor. Two women entered the bathroom, one of the women immediately looked under the stall for anyone else and locked the door to the bathroom.

Abed slowly released his hand from Annie's mouth, letting his fingers linger, brushing the tips across her pink lips. He could smell her perfume, as he inched closer to her, inhaling the enticing scent of flowers and raspberries. Annie looked down at his fingers and then into his warm brown eyes. She debated with herself whether Abed was being himself or a character.

They heard a woman's voice, "What happened with you and Wesley? Britta, I saw you leave the coatroom with him."

Annie looked at Abed and mouthed to him, "Oh my God," with wide eyes.

Britta gripped the sink with both hands and crouched over it, staring down into the porcelain sink before her. She raised her head and looked at herself in the mirror. She recognized this face, the face of her drunken self, her hair was not as perfect as it was when she left. She took her thumb and wiped away some smudged mascara from her eyes, hoping to make herself appear presentable again. Her mascara always smudged when she was drunk. "H-he wanted me back again," Britta stated as she looked at her empty eyes in the mirror.

"And you said no this time?" her mother asked.

Britta saw herself silently nod in the mirror.

"Why? Its the lawyer, isn't it?"

She saw herself tilt her head, she began nodding as she enacted a frown, "Yeah," she let out a high pitch almost cry. Once again, her brain and her mouth were not cooperating.

Annie's mouth opened, she was about to say something aloud, but before she could, she covered it with her own hands. She nodded silently to Abed.

"Then why did you move your hand away from him when he went to take it?"Frida asked.

"Its comp-plicated," Britta shakily said as she tried to restrain her tears.

"How complicated? You can tell me, I'm your mother, you can tell me anything."

"No, no, I cant. I think we both fi-figured that out a long, long time ago."

Her mother attempted to put her hand on Britta's shoulder, but Britta shrugged her off.

"Its not, not like you would be-believe me anyway."

Her mother began to sob and said, "I'm so sorry..."

"If you were sorry, then you would have done something about it," Britta replied with a grim tone, "Not ignore the problem, only to get smashed everyday at ten am and then watch dad eye-fuck waitresses all night because look what happened, Mom. I ran away, Anders got Marcus' mother pregnant, and Sam was left to be raised by a nanny and turned out to be a complete misogynistic asshole."

Annie, so taken back by Britta's response, felt her shoe lose traction on the toilet causing her to almost slip off. Abed grabbed her by the arms, pulling her closer to him, so her face was inches away from his. She looked into his eyes for a moment, breathing in deep, "Thank you," she gasped with an inaudible whisper. Abed nodded and secured his grasp on her, moving his hand across her spine, pulling her back up.

"I wanted to leave him so badly Britta, you know I would have gotten nothing because of the prenup, I had no skills to get a decent job. I had no where to go and I needed to be with you kids. He never would have allowed Anders to go to medical school. I may not have been there all the time, but you kids needed me then. I know I may have gone off the deep end right before you ran away, but Anders was so close to screwing up his entire life."

"So, whats kee-eeping you here now? We've all left," she looked at her mother, who was in a broken state. She noticed her mother's red eyes trying to restrain her tears. Britta turned around and left the bathroom.

Annie and Abed heard someone leave the bathroom, who they assumed to be Britta, as the steps were heavier, angrier. They heard lighter steps fade as Frida walked towards the bathroom door, then a clump, the door had closed.

"We never should have heard that. I feel like I just walked into an episode of _Ally McBeal_," Annie gasped as she shook her head.

"Good reference, Annie. Do you think I should try to do a dismount off the bathroom stall? You know, to complete the homage?" Abed asked.

"No," Annie shook her head, then arched her eyebrows, "and who were you being back there?"

"Me, you told Han Solo to go away."

Annie gave Abed a baffled look, then slapped him across the face. He stared at her for a moment, considering slapping her back with the hopes of a "slap-slap kiss," but thought he, Abed Nadir, did not have the required level of sexual tension with Annie for it to work.

"What was that for?" Abed asked in a matter of fact tone.

"Um, I don't now? Maybe for accosting me in the women's room and then covering my mouth?" Annie narrowed her eyes and shrugged.

"I'm sorry," Abed stated.

"I know," Annie nodded before looking down at her shoes.

Abed gave her a slight smile for a moment then replied in a serious tone, "I wasn't thinking. If they found me in here, Britta would have been caught and I'm pretty sure I would have gotten into some legal troubles for being in the women's room. I just thought I should have been the one to talk to you about this because it was me who tricked you into it. You know empathy? Right?"

"Abed, I just still don't understand. Why did you organize this entire thing?"

He struggled with what to say, although it did not register on his face, Annie could tell by his long pause.

"You don't need to tell me," Annie said as she looked down at her shoes again. She bit her lip for a minute then said, "Thanks again, for catching me."

"Anytime," Abed nodded.

Annie gave him a half smile and nodded as she opened her arms to hug Abed. As they embraced, she looked up at his face and placed her hand on his cheek. She tilted her head in contemplation, while she traced his jawline with her fingers. Suddenly, they heard yelling outside in the ballroom. Abed turned his head towards the bathroom door.

"You better go see what's going on," Abed said, "I'll climb out the window, so nobody sees me leave the women's room."

Annie's hand dropped away from Abed's face. She nodded and left the bathroom.

* * *

As she walked out of the restroom, Britta recalled a drunken memory of her past, a memory with Jeff at his apartment.

She remembered how she sat next to him on his couch as they both shared a bottle of whiskey, which looked to be almost empty. She remembered her eyes becoming heavy as she curled up on Jeff's arm, feeling his bicep with her hand. He leaned his head down and smelled her hair, kissing her on the top of the head. She remembers feeling comfortable, vulnerable and for some stupid reason she decided to try to open up to Jeff.

_"Jeff?"_

_"Yeah?" he asked as his kisses moved down from her head to her ear._

_"Did I ever tell you why I left...to follow Radiohead."_

_"No," he mumbled as his kisses moved from her ear to her neck._

_"Well, it wasn't just because Ok Computer was the greatest album of the decade, but you'd think that would be a good enough reason," she snorted nervously._

_Jeff seemingly ignored her comment and started to move his arm around her and up her back._

_"Well, it was, it was," Britta paused for a moment and felt Jeff unhook her bra and then move his kisses down, away from her neck and onto her breast._

_"Hey, I'm trying to talk to you here," she reprimanded._

_"I know," he stated with a distant tone, as he tried to pull her shirt, she grabbed his hand and pushed it away from herself._

_"Screw this," she said. Britta got up, hooked her bra back on and then wen't to grab her bag._

_Jeff lowered his head and said, "I'm sorry. What did you want to tell me?"_

_"Apparently it doesn't matter to you. Perhaps we are just here for the benefits and not because we are friends?"_

_"I said I was sorry. Come back, sit down and tell me what you wanted to say."_

_"Don't order me around! Who do you think I am? Annie? Do you think I will just forgive you for being a selfish ass and sit down next to you, only because you said you were sorry? Why? So, you can like half listen to my story, just to get a good fuck out of me afterward?"_

_"No, Britta. I really am sorry. I'm not half present when you tell me things."_

_Britta frantically put on her coat and grabbed her car keys, she stomped towards the door and was about to open it, but she angrily turned around and stood in front of Jeff as he sat on the couch._

_"Do you know how long it took for them to realize I ran away?"_

_He shook his head._

_"Two and a half weeks," she let out a nervous laugh, "I was a sixteen year old girl, gone for two and a half weeks and they didn't even notice until one of the maid's found the note in my room. I left it on the desk, explaining I left. It was covered with dust, that's how long no one was in my room. It was like they didn't even care. I wrote it in pink ink for God's sake! Its probably one of the reaons I avoid the color. I was a child! I mean they only found me when I tried to board a plane to Lisbon with a fake passport almost an entire year later! "_

_Britta turned around and tried to open the door, but it was locked. After fumbling with the doorknob for a minute, Jeff got up and opened the door for her. She stood in front of it, paused and said to Jeff, without looking at him, "This is the only time I will allow you to open a door for me,"she then stormed out of Jeff's apartment._

_A minute later, Jeff heard a knock on his door, just like he anticipated. He opened it and Britta looked up at him._

_"We should stop this," they both said simultaneously._

_Jeff looked down and away from her as she left his apartment again, for the night. This time they stopped, it only lasted a couple weeks, right until Troy's birthday party._

The memory of that night faded as she approached the bathroom door. Britta realized she did allow Jeff to open the door for her tonight, causing her to clench her fists. As she left the bathroom she shifted her focus away from Jeff Winger and onto her father, who was talking to a group of people on the other side of the room.


	7. Drunken Words of a Wild Card

**A/N: **Just wanted to say, thanks for the reviews!

* * *

Shirley was stuck in the kitchen the entire night, besides the small moment she had to find Abed to yell at him for leaving her alone and making Annie upset. She finally had a moment to leave the kitchen and scanned the room for Annie and Abed, both whom were absent. Shirley began to make her way towards the women's restroom.

"Abed couldn't just leave this alone," she mumbled to herself, "has to get involved with everyone else's lives like he's the writer of some TV show and we're his characters."

As Shirley walked towards the door to the restroom, she witnessed a drunken Britta stumble out and walk across the room towards a crowd of people in a circle, engaged in conversation. She then witnessed Britta yelling very loudly. Shirley covered her mouth with her hand and gasped at the scene she was witnessing. She turned away and saw Annie burst out of the women's room to witness the spectacle.

* * *

Annie left the restroom, and saw Britta talking to her father and Pierce. She spotted Troy at the bar still and walked with a brisk pace over to him.

"Hey, Troy," she said quietly as she stood next to him behind the bar.

"Hey," he replied without taking his eyes off of the scene Britta was causing.

"I never should have gotten involved with this or made Jeff get involved with this, or told Abed about why Britta was upset."

"Why is that?"

"Because look what is happening," she gestured toward's a drunken Britta pointing at Pierce, "Its all my fault," Annie buried her face into her palms.

"Its not your fault, you were just trying to help Britta. Sometimes there just isn't anything you can do. Its, well the thing is Annie, for some people, days get shorter and shorter, nights longer and longer, before they know it, their life is just one long night with a few comatose daylight hours."

"Troy, what does that mean? Its so sad."

"I don't know its from _Cocktail_," Troy shook his head as he replied with a low voice.

* * *

Britta, in her drunken confidence strode over to her father, who was surrounded by her brothers and a group of men she assumed to be his business associates. Unfortunately, Pierce Hawthorne happened to be one of them.

"Heyy daaaadddd, hows ita goin'? Longgg tiiimme no see rrrrrright?" Britta announced with fake enthusiasm.

Sam looked at Britta with an amused face, as he tried to suppress his laughter, while Anders put his hand over his mouth, to try to hide his grin. Pierce began to take small steps in different directions, unsure of what to do and where to go.

"Jesus Christ, she's drunk," Britta's father sighed and turned towards her brothers, "this is what we get when we invite her to these things."

"Oh, I, I see, you've met Pierce Haw-hawthorne?" Britta slurred, "Sooooo, Pierce how do you like my Dad? He's an arrogant prick, huh?"

"Haha, I'm sorry petite, blonde woman, I've never met before. I don't know what you are talking about," Pierce replied with an awkward smile.

"Pppierce, you can dr-drop the act now. Wes has told everyone in this room the truth," Britta said as she waved her hand towards Wes.

"Really?"

Britta dramatically nodded.

"Phew, pretending I didn't know you was exhausting. You and Winger have been all they've been talking about all night. Also, your father, here, convinced me to start buying plastic supplies from him."

"Yeah, he's allllways right," Britta responded with sarcasm, then loudly announced, "Just you should like know, like everyone should like know to not drink the tap water in Denver. Hi-his plastic company dumps its chemical waste in water supply and then payyss the inspectors to keep qu-quiet. I ne-never told anyone th-that, even though it, it goes against all my beliefs." Britta laughed, "Som-someone should really tell the newspaper bout this. It'd be some serious front page stuff. We are probably all gonna get cancer fr-from him. You know like that Edith Bravostitch movie."

* * *

"I know this is an embarrassing moment for Britta, but how the hell does she get all these references wrong?" Troy asked Annie in disbelief as she stood next to him at the bar, while they witnessed Britta's outburst.

"I don't know," Annie replied wistfully, "I'm pretty sure my Bubbie could reference that correctly and she is like eighty-five years old."

"Annie, its like really adorable that you refer to your breast as a she, but, how can she be older than you?"

Annie buried her face in her hands and said, "Bubbie means grandmother."

"I know, it was...a joke," Troy covered.

She attempted to restrain her laughter, "Thanks, Troy, I needed that."

"You're welcome, but if anyone asks, that joke was intentional."

"It wasn't intentional?" she asked with faux disbelief and smiled back.

* * *

Britta's father stood there stunned from the comment she just made. Jeff witnessed a ranting Britta from across the room and walked over at an alarmingly fast speed to help her.

"She's lying everyone," Jim Perry assured the crowd, "I think we all know Britta's history and the crazy lies she tells to get attention."

"I'm, I'm not lyyinngg. I never did, did lie."

"Britta, come on," Jeff responded as he ran over to her and tried to grab her hand to pull her away from the crowd.

"J-Jeff, get, get away from me. I'm, I'm barring my heart and soul out here."

"How about you bare your heart and soul at a time when your blood alcohol content is lower than Amanda Bynes' when she decides to get into her car?"

* * *

"I should have made her leave earlier," Troy guiltily shook his head.

"Jeff will make her leave," Annie replied, "see, he's running up to her right now."

Troy and Annie paused while they listened to Jeff as he tried to convince Britta to leave.

"At least Jeff decided to update his references. Those Courtney Love ones were becoming way too obscure for anyone other than Britta and Abed to understand," Annie commented as she leaned on the bar, "It was really starting to bother me."

"Why would Jeff making nineties references we both cant understand bother you?"

"Never mind Troy," Annie sighed, "the point is, Jeff listened to us."

"I guess so," Troy nodded, "even though I don't understand why that's important."

* * *

"No, I, I have 'portant things to say. Nobody ever thinks the things I have to say are important. They never have. Even when something happens to be very, extremely important and very, extremely true," Britta slurred.

"Its time for us to go home, Britta, all of us" Jeff commanded.

"Who do you think you are? My husband?" she shook Jeff off her arm and pointed to him as she said, "I, I think you all know Jeff Winger. Yeah, well, hes not rrrrrrealy my fiance, but Wesley probably alrrready toldya that, though."

"Britta," her mother gasped as she approached the crowd, "I think you need some coffee."

"I, I don't drink coffee," Britta used her hand to sway away her mother.

"Britta, we are leaving," Jeff replied as he walked over to her.

"Stop," Britta rose her hand to signal Jeff to stop walking, "I, I just have onnne more thing to say, Jeff Winger may not be my fiance, he may not be a real lawyer anymore, he may also be a loser who attends community college and lusts after eighteen year old girls, but," Britta rose a finger i the air, "He, he is my best friend and I, I'm not gonna care what, what," Britta paused before saying, "...umm, Jeff"

"Yeah?" Jeff tilted his head as he wrinkled his brow upward.

"Come here, I'm about to lose my balance."

Jeff ran over and supported Britta as she grabbed his shoulder. He walked her out of the party venue and into the parking lot.

* * *

"I'm not eighteen anymore," Annie said frustratingly and shook her head, "That happened like two years ago."

"Oh my God, did she just pass out?" Troy panicked.

"I think she just lost her balance," Annie consoled Troy as her eyes widened.

"Someone should go see if she is okay," Troy shook his head with worried eyes and began to walk away from the bar.

"Jeff has her, but you're right, who knows what will happen. We need to find Abed," Annie agreed as she followed Troy, "I'll follow them, Britta needs fluids and I have a case of water in my car. You should try to find Abed. He'll know what to do and you probably have the best chance at finding him."

"Okay, you're right," Troy agreed, " just, text me when you see her okay?

Annie nodded and started to walk towards the parking lot.

* * *

"Jeff," Britta said drunkenly half asleep, "I, I hate you, I hate the way you-you-make me-fee-" she gagged and threw up in the parking lot. Jeff held her hair back as she vomited. He picked her up and began carrying her over to his car. Britta cradled her face in his chest for a moment, then looked up at him and said in a quiet voice, "Jeff, I, I know why you picked, me, me out on the, the first dayy of Spanish."

"Because you were the hottest girl in the class?" Jeff smirked.

"Ssssstop thinking with you-your lower half," Britta slapped his chest, "Its because you saw something in me that was like you. You knew, we, we both wouldn't wan't more."

"Britta, its not the time to say things that-"

"But," she interrupted, "we, we aren't those two sa-same people anymore are, are we?"

"I'm still Jeff and you're still Britta."

"Nope, some-something's differerent."

"And what is that?" he asked with a hint of sarcasm.

"We, we know each other rrrrreally well now and look, herrree we are still."

Jeff managed a laugh, "You have a point there."

"This might- ha-have something to do, with, with our co-dep-dependency with the group though."

"Please don't 'therapize' right now, you are way too hammered for that."

"For once, you may be right," Britta responded, "But re-remember you cant deny that we are the same as, as we are differerent."

"The probability of you remembering what you just said is zero to one."

"Nope, I'll m'ember," Britta shook her head.

"I don't think you even 'member' what you just said in your announcement earlier."

"I, I made an 'nownuncement earlier?"she crinkled her forehead in confusion.

"Yeah, in front of the entire party."

"Oh Gahd, I, I did, didn't I?" Britta whimpered.

"Yeah, but we can discuss what will surely be an epic blackout for your repertoire, another time," Jeff laughed.

"Jeff?"

"Yes?"

"Do-don't stop rooting forrr us, just because they all have, I knowww Its not still too late."

"Who is 'they'? You're talking nonsense."

"Everrrbodddyy. The audience of course, all of Greendallle, they, they stopped caring forrr the greatest re-relationship everrr known."

"Britta, no one really ever cared. To them its just gossip to keep them occupied until they graduate. Just remember these are our lives not theirs, we shouldn't care what they want. Anyway, there is no audience, Abed is implanting things into your head,"Jeff said as he opened the passenger side door and laid Britta down in the backseat.

* * *

Annie took small steps in her black ballet flats through the crowd of people and out into the parking lot. She saw the faint outline of two people in the dark, walking next to each other, closely. The smaller figure stopped for a moment and bent down, the larger figure seemed to be holding the smaller's hair or its head. Annie heard gags and then a disturbing splash sound on the pavement. She crinkled her nose and attempted not to gag, at what she assumed to be Britta throwing up. She started to walk faster towards them, but saw Jeff pick Britta up and start to carry her. Annie kept moving towards them until she could to hear them speaking, but was still not within their sight.

"I, I made an 'nownuncement earlier?" She heard Britta say, causing Annie to roll her eyes.

"Yeah, in front of the entire party," she heard Jeff respond. Annie imagined a smirk on his face.

"Oh Gahd, I, I did, didn't I?" she heard Britta screech. She thought about how Britta was probably cringing.

"Yeah, but we can discuss your epic blackout another time." She could tell the smirk was still on his face.

"Jeff?" She heard Britta ask.

"Yes?" Jeff replied, Annie sensed aggravation in his response.

"Do-don't stop rooting forrr us, even though they all have, I knowww Its not still too late," she heard Britta say. Annie paused for a moment and bit her lip. She started to take steps slowly backwards. She could feel her heart beat faster.

"Who is 'they'? You're talking nonsense," she heard Jeff say. The obvious aggravation in his voice slowed down her heart rate. Annie didn't want to hear anymore. For Annie, sensing Jeff's aggravation was all she needed to validate for herself that Britta and Jeff were nothing. She turned around to go back inside, leaving them in the parking lot. Annie approached the steps to the venue and found Abed waiting there.

"Abed, where have you been? Troy has been looking for you," Annie gasped out of breathe.

"I got stuck in the alley, its blocked off on either side. Probably to trap runaway brides, I imagine."

Annie smiled for a moment and replied, "We should have asked Britta about it, I'm sure she has tried to escape from that bathroom many times in her life."

"I bet she has. What were you doing in the parking lot?" Abed asked, as he looked her up and down.

"I was going to get Britta some water, but it, um, seems Jeff has a handle on the situation."

"He seems to know how to handle her. I'm sure he has dealt with drunk Britta more than any of us have."

"Yeeeaahh," she replied as she crinkled her nose.

"Annie?" Abed asked.

"Mmmhmm?"

"I'm really sorry."

"You already said you were sorry. Remember?"

"I know, but I, I knew something like this would happen, but I did it anyway."

"You knew she would have an outburst in the ballroom too?"

"She had an outburst in the ballroom?"

Annie nodded as she cringed.

Abed remained stoic, "Annie, I'm going to tell you something, but you have to promise to not tell anyone."

"Okay."

"The reason, I set this up was because I read Britta's psych file and I thought by having her confront her problems head on like this would be good for her. However, it looks like my plan didn't work."

"You read her psych file?" Annie's eyes widened at the thought.

Abed nodded and asked, "What did she say in her outburst anyway?"

"It was some jumbled nonsense about telling the truth and how she lied about her father's company dumping chemical waste into the water supply," Annie slowly said, then added, "We're boiling our water from now on."

"I figured it would be something about that...I never should have made us all come. I thought this would, well, never mind," Abed shook his head and looked down at the ground.

"Abed, I wanted to help her just as much as you did," Annie took a step closer to him.

"Yeah, but you did it out of the pure goodness of your heart."

She tilted her head and bit her lip while looking at Abed, "Did I though?"

"What do you mean?"

"I was just manipulating Jeff. I intervened when I probably shouldn't have and now look," Annie laughed nervously, "this is my fault Abed, not yours. I wanted to teach Jeff a lesson."

"Don't say that. You're a good person Annie, don't ever think otherwise," Abed put his hand on her shoulder.

Annie smiled and opened her arms towards Abed, "Come here."

As she hugged him, the catering director came out of the building and saw them on the front steps. "Where the hell have you two been for the past hour? We have the cook in the kitchen all alone and nobody is there to clean up the ballroom!" he angrily yelled, "You both have three strikes!"

"Strikes?" Annie asked as Abed released her from the embrace, but kept his arm around her waist.

"Yeah, didn't you two attend the seminar?"

"No, we were hired yesterday," Abed explained.

"They sent me two idiots who didn't attend the seminar," the catering director shook his head, "Well, you each have three strikes. You Mr." he stopped and checked his clipboard, "Nay-dire, were making the guests uncomfortable by staring at them, strike one. Then you left the kitchen and disappeared for like an hour, thats strike two and now I find you here doing God knows what with the waitress!"

"I assume that's strike three?" Abed deadpanned.

"What do you think?" he asked with obvious sarcasm, "And you Miss...Edison, first, I see you yelling at a patron and then I find you flirting with that blonde guest, so your poor customer service skills is strike one. You also broke one of our waitress trays by throwing it on the ground, making strike two. Then you disappear for like two hours and leave the cook in the kitchen alone, thus making us down a man to serve dessert. That was strike three, but now I find you doing this?"

"Um, so strike four?" Annie slowly asked and crinkled her forehead.

"Yeah, and if you guys have ever watched baseball, I think you know what that means."

"I don't watch baseball, but I've seen _Field of Dreams_," Abed replied.

"But I had four strikes not three, what does that mean?" Annie asked.

"It means you two are fired, effective immediately! Get your stuff and leave!" He turned around and stomped back into the party venue.

Annie started to laugh as Abed let go of her, "And I thought I was uptight."

"I think we walked into another show. He probably had an entire side story happening we didn't see. I don't think I've seen anyone angrier tonight, except for maybe Shirley."

"Shirley isn't too happy with us, is she?"Annie asked.

"No, we should apologize to her and I think its time we all went home. I'm going to find Troy, to tell him we are leaving," Abed said.

"Okay, I'll go get my coat and tell Shirley," Annie agreed.

* * *

"I, I've had a many a fond memories back here," Britta quipped as she laid down in the backseat of Jeff's Lexus.

"As long as they are fond ones," Jeff said sarcastically as he stood up over the open back door.

"It was a joke," Britta mumbled as she moved over to her side and closed her eyes.

"I know and it wasn't a good one, but I do hope the rules of this car are retained in those memories?"

"Ima not gonna th-throw uppppp, backkk here. Man you c-care soooo much bout material thinggggsss."

"You and your Noam Chumsky ethics," Jeff shook his head as he watched Britta struggle to sit up in the seat.

"Jeff, can, can I tell you something?"

"Yeah, go for it. I don't think you'll remember what you said tomorrow, anyway."

"Do, do you want me again? Not like before though, but like you said from last time, because Trrroyy has been very nice to me late-lately and if, if you arrreee just gonna be distant and emotionally un-unabailable then, then I, I don't wanna sleeeep with you ag-again."

"This isn't the time to talk about this," responded with a dole tone, before realizing he left his coat in the coatroom, "I'll be right back. I forgot my coat. Please, Do. Not. Move. From. This. Spot."

"Y-you are not the, the boss of me! And one-once again. Its ju-just acoat"

"Its not just a coat. Its 100% cashmere. Now, stay here."

"Oooohh well, excuse meeeee. I'll move wherever I please thank, thank you verrrry much."

"Fine Britta, I bet you fifty bucks, you can't stay in that spot until I get back."

"You're on Wwwiiiinger!" Britta yelled, while laying down in the backseat.

* * *

As Jeff walked through the parking lot, back into the party venue to get his missing coat, he remembered a moment from his and Britta's past together. The night after he and Annie had that heated debate for Student President.

_"I knew Annie was competitive, but, wow. Can you believe she actually did that?" he remembered saying as they sat on his bed. _

_"Yeah, I can. She was a drug addict, Jeff. Its like hardwired into her brain to do anything to get what she wants. Besides, you were in the wrong. I mean you are a man in his thirties who tried to suck a dream away from a bright eyed twenty year old girl. You deserved all the embarrassment that was handed to you today," Britta replied as she sat on the edge of the bed and tied her shoes. _

_"Why, thank you," Jeff said sarcastically, "What I still can't figure the hell out is how she got that tape of me. There's only like one in existence and it was located here" _

_"Well, it shouldn't be a problem for anyone in the future. Its all over Youtube now," he remembered Britta casually saying while getting off of the bed. She then began to dig through her purse. _

_"Theres just this one little thing about it though. Only three people know where the emergency key to this apartment is. Me, my super and you..." _

_"And your point being?" _

_"My super is visiting his brother this weekend." _

_"Are, are you implying that I broke into your apartment, somehow found an obscure tape of you auditioning for The Real World, left your apartment in perfect condition, so it didn't look like anyone was there, which wouldn't be hard by the way, because like everything is in boxes, and then gave the tape to Annie, all in the matter of a couple hours?" _

_"Yes, that is exactly what I'm implying." _

_"Pfff, I didn't do that." _

_"Then explain why you were gone for the entire debate after you were booed off stage during the nominations." _

_"Because democracy is a myth. I didn't wan't to witness the facade," Britta said with a dignified tone._

_"You really expect me to believe that, Miss I stole Italian faucets from a gated, high security condo complex?" _

_"Um, yes?"_

_He tilted his head and narrowed his eyebrows at her._

_"Fine, I gave the tape to Annie!" she rolled her eyes and continued to dig through her purse._

_"How in the hell did you find it!" he gritted through his teeth. _

_"Okay, just listen. One morning you had to go consult a case and I needed to take a shower. I went to find a towel and I happened upon this in the closet, right next to your precious faucets" she casually explained. _

_"Seriously? You went through my closet?_

_"I was looking for a towel. Jeez, I thought you were over this whole video thing and had an epiphany about how jaded you were for trying to crush the spirit of some kid." _

_"What I am angry about is you having complete disregard for my personal belongings." _

_"Umm, excuse me. Its not like you haven't gone through my stuff." _

_"I have not, don't flatter yourself, you're not that interesting," Jeff crossed his arms. _

_"You most definitely have," Britta said as she draped her purse over her shoulder._

_ "Prove it!" he raised his eyebrows at her._

_"Let's just say a girl knows when her closet has been picked through," she nodded and allowed herself a smirk. _

_"Your closet is a disorganized mess. Narnia couldn't even find itself in there." _

_"There is a system. It may not make any sense to you, but it makes sense to me. I know when someone else has been in there." _

_"And how do you know it was me and not another one of your 'hangout buddies?'" Jeff remembered using air-quotes sarcastically. _

_"Because," she simply said. _

_"Because?" he questioned her response. _

_"Because, I just do," she replied in a matter of fact tone._

_"Because you just do?" Jeff remembered his mouth dropping open in disgust. _

_"Fine, because you are the only one I have right now!" Britta blurted out. _

_He paused for a moment and struggled with what to say before sighing, "False...You now have zero." _

_"Oh, so, we are ending this again? Surprise, surprise," Britta said with sarcasm. _

_"Yeah, please leave. I can't handle this right now. Its not what I signed up for." _

_"Not what you signed up for? Really? Well, I'm about to leave anyway, just don't expect me to answer any of your two am phone calls anymore," she said as she walked out of the bedroom._

_"They wouldn't have to be phone calls if you would learn how to text properly like they do in the twenty-first century!" he yelled back at her_

_Britta opened the bedroom door and stuck her heard through, "Excuse me, but maybe, I don't like texting. Maybe, I prefer to hear the voice of the person who wants to fuck me before I go over and do it!" She slammed the door and left. _

_He heard a knock, then looked over at the chair in his room, only to see Britta's leather jacket. He got out of bed, put on a pair of pants, grabbed her leather jacket and then wen't to the front door of his apartment. He paused for a moment and looked at the label, reading, "100% leather," and allowed himself a smirk while he shook his head. He heard another knock, this one was angrier. He opened the door and held up her coat in front of he. Jeff motioned to her jacket and said, "I hope this dead cow deserved it." _

_Britta snatched the jacket from his hands without saying a word and left. _

Jeff shook his head as he walked up the steps to the building. He remembers that separation it only lasted about two months, or maybe it was sooner. He thinks they only did it once within that two month span, instead of at least once a week. It was right around Abed's birthday. She dated the war criminal and he tried to seduce that woman who was using Pierce to take over Hawthorne wipes.

* * *

**A/N: **Just wanted to say, that what Britta said to Jeff in the parking lot will be explained better in the next chapter.


	8. Discretion, Denny's and a Diane Moment

**A/N**: Just wanted to say thanks for the reviews! Also, this story will probably be like 10 chapters. I also don't want this chapter to give any Jeff/Annie shippers false hope...its a Jeff/Britta story, so no matter what happens in this chapter, I'm sticking with my original pairings. And I don't own any song lyrics I reference.

* * *

Abed started to scan the ballroom for Troy, with no luck. He figured he was either in the men's restroom, eating cake in the kitchen or getting their coats. Abed began started with the men's room, but it was completely empty. He then decided to look in the kitchen and saw Shirley.

"Abed where have you been? Is Britta okay? Where did Annie go?" Abed found himself bombarded with an assortment of questions.

"I got stuck in an ally, Jeff took Britta home, and Annie was supposed to come find you."

"Well, she didn't. Where is that girl?"

"She must be around somewhere. Have you seen Troy?"

"He left to try and find you. Have you looked at your cell phone? Its 2012 for goodness sake and here we all are running around with our heads cut-off looking for each other," Shirley shook her head.

Abed took out his cell phone to reveal it to be cracked with buttons missing, "It fell out of my pocket when I climbed out a window."

"When did you climb out a window?"

"After I talked to Annie in the bathroom."

She took out her phone, "Dear God, I have to do everything myself. We are all leaving this place. This was the worst idea you have ever had." Shirley began calling Troy.

"I know," Abed looked down at the ground.

"Troy? Yes, he is here... No, you do not need to call the police his phone broke."

"Tell him I'll meet him out front," Abed interrupted, then left the kitchen to look for Annie.

Abed opened the women's room door and yelled her name, with no answer. Next he decided to look in the coat closet, something Abed would learn he would later regret.

He opened the coat closet door and found Annie kissing Jeff Winger. Abed stealthily left, without them seeing him and began to walk out front to find Troy. As he walked to the steps, he remembered the first time he talked to Annie Edison.

_ "So, you're tellin' me, if i go to this study session by this tutor guy then like he will do all my homework for me?" Troy cocked his head to the right and squinted at Abed, who was unloading books from his locker. _

_"Something like that," Abed deadpanned, "Are you going to come?" _

_"For sure bro. I mean I'm not gonna pass up a chance for some nerd to do all my homework" _

_"Cool, cool, cool. See you this afternoon." Abed waved goodbye to the letterman jacket wearing Troy. _

_Abed finished packing his books up and shut his locker door, to reveal Annie, who had been hiding behind it since Troy left, ambushing Abed, "Hi, I'm sorry, but I couldn't help overhearing, I'm Ann-"_

_"Annie Edison from Spanish. You sit in the middle front row, wear your hair half pulled back, have a fondness of learning, pencils with giant erasers, baggy, khaki pants, cardigan sweaters, taking notes and you ask on average, twenty-one point three questions a class and answer forty-poi-" _

_"Wow, you sure are observant," she interrupted with a fake smile as she attempted to conceal she was creeped out, "About that study session? By a board certified tutor?" she earnestly questioned him with narrowed eyes. _

_Abed watched her, she intrigued him. Her facial symmetry and round blue eyes attracted her to him. Abed could tell that she had lost some weight. Her baggy khaki pants led him to the conclusion, this was an ugly duckling. He learned about these from the movie Shallow Hal. Abed didn't think she knew how attractive she was he looked at her up and down and for a moment. She looked like an innocent, but she was hiding something. _

_"Yeah?" Abed replied. _

_"Troy, Troy Barnes will be there?" _

_"Yup." Abed shortly answered. _

_"Will this be a weekly thing?" she asked with a hint of suspicion in her voice. _

_"Probably." _

_"Would it be alright if I came too?" Annie bit her lip and looked at Abed, who was not making eye contact, but instead in deep thought, staring at the ground. _

_"Well, let me think for a moment, I already have my 'will they won't they' couple. I also already have my future 'heterosexual life partners', my 'moral compass' and the 'strange outsider,' in yours truly. I don't know if I need anyone else." _

_Abed looked up at the girl in front of him. Women never intimidated him. He never had to go up to them and ask them on dates, but he also never gained any phone numbers or emotional connections with them. Something happened to Abed as he saw this woman's lips begin to quiver and her eyes became wider, eyelashes fluttering like butterfly wings. He stared into the eternal depths of her eyes and something awakened in him, hypnotized him. For the first time another person's emotions affected him, causing him to tilt his head in contemplation. _

_After her brief pause, Annie scrambled for an explanation and quickly said,"Okay, just listen for a minute, because everything you were saying kind of flew over my head. Despite that, I'm smart. I can take all of your notes and I can help everyone, especially Troy out. God knows he will need it." _

_Abed thought, she's in love with Troy...the past she's hiding...a former shrinking violet perhaps? No, he began to think again. She was too assertive. Adding her into the mix would create a better storyline, but if he did add her in, she would have to be off limits. If he were to include her as a member of his beta couple, then she would have to be with Troy. The perfect 'Chandler and Monica' to Jeff and Britta's 'Ross and Rachel.' At the time Abed was fine with it, but then again he couldn't comprehend what he just felt. _

_"Troy most likely will need extra attention," Abed contemplated. _

_"Exactly, and I totally won't mind helping him," Annie gushed. _

_"A beta couple would make things more interesting..." Abed began to think, "Okay cool, meet us in the library at four." _

_Annie squealed, "Great, see you then!" _

_Abed watched her walk down the hall. Nope, this couldn't happen. Now he had his beta couple. You don't interfere with the beta couple, the entire formula would be jumbled and his plans for Jeff Winger and Britta Perry could become complicated._

* * *

Jeff opened the coatroom door and to his surprise was witnessing Annie being propositioned by Britta's father as he cornered her against some coats.

"Why don't you meet me at the Hilton in an hour, we'll have a little fun, you can order room service in the morning and then I'll take you shopping-" Jim Perry began to say.

Jeff narrowed his eyes at Jim Perry, before he looked over at Annie. Her eyes met Jeff's and they were asking for help.

"Oh ! Sorry about Britta back there," Jeff interrupted as he pointed back towards the door, "You know her, what a wild card."

"I wasn't expecting much from her tonight anyway. Always a liar, even as a child" Mr. Perry briefly said, and then focused his attention back to Annie.

Jeff's mouth dropped open and he titled his head in disbelief.

"Hey, asshat!" Jeff angrily yelled, causing Mr. Perry to turn his head and look at Jeff in horror. "Britta may be the most hypocritical person to have ever walked this earth, but she means well in everything she does! The only reason she lied to you people was because no matter how hard she tries, you will never think she is good enough! Despite all the fucked up shit she's been through and the many things she has done in attempt to make the world better! Now, if you would please excuse me, I have to get my coat and I think I may have left it somewhere around here," Jeff pushed his way awkwardly between Annie and Mr. Perry, "Hmm, I can't seem to find it. Waitress, would you kindly assist me?"

"Surely!" Annie exclaimed.

Mr. Perry gave Jeff a dirty look and then left the coatroom.

"Oh my God! Thank you, so much" Annie sighed to Jeff in relief, grabbing his hand as it rested on the coatrack.

"No problem. Man, these folks are a bunch of wackos."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

Jeff looked down at Annie, and thought her eyes were asking for help. He wanted to protect her, so he gently brushed away a loose strand from her pony-tail off her face and whispered, "Are you okay, Annie?"

Annie released his hand from hers and grabbed her right arm with her left hand, she looked up into Jeff's blue eyes, his furrowed brow expressing his concern. She nodded, as he opened his arms to embrace her. Annie wrapped her arms around his large body.

"Its just that, I worry about you," Jeff said, before burying his face in her hair, pecking her on the top of her head.

She looked up at him with her innocent eyes, her lashes fluttering. Jeff lowered his head slowly and settled his lips onto hers in a chaste kiss. He pulled away and looked back at her.

Annie looked back up at him and stood up on her toes, kissing him again, but this time passionately. His hands grasped her tightly as she felt his tongue invade her mouth. She started to kiss his neck, the scent of citrus and ginger filled her lungs, her knowing it was his Ralph Lauren cologne, the same one he wore on the night of the transfer dance. It was one that he saved for occasions for when he wanted to impress women, instead of his usual Calvin Klein scent. Annie close her eyes and felt his gentle kisses on her neck, his scuffle lightly scratching her. She breathed in deep and said, "We need...to stop," while reluctantly grabbing his hand and pulling it away from her body, "It can't happen here, not here, not now."

Jeff remained silent and closed his eyes in regret as he nodded.

"And, don't worry, I know," she began to say as her large blue eyes started to fill with tears, and her mouth incited a frown. Jeff slowly let her down from his embrace and softly grasped her face in his hands. She looked up at him and finished saying, "Adults use discretion."

He was about to respond to her, but nothing came out of his mouth. Annie looked into the eyes of Jeff Winger and examined his face. She laid her hand on his cheek, her palm cupping the bottom of his jaw. The lines around his eyes never bothered her and they never would, but it hit her suddenly, this was the first time she didn't feel it. She didn't feel her heart race as she kissed him and she began to think about Jeff carrying Britta in the parking lot. Annie breathed in and said, "I'm not here to be your excuse anymore."

She walked out of the coat room, leaving Jeff with his thoughts.

* * *

Abed knew it would be a bad idea for Jeff to drive Britta home. He met Troy out front to tell him to come help take her out of Jeff's car and have him drive her home. They wen't out into the parking lot and found Britta lying down with her eyes closed in the backseat of Jeff's Lexus, singing off-key to herself.

"_Now, your telling me your not nostalgic, then give me another word for it, you were so good with words and at keeping things vague." _

"Is she?" Abed began to ask

_"Cause I need some of that vagueness now. Its all come back too clearly._"

"A drunk blonde singing Bob Dylan?" Troy asked with suppressed excitement.

"_Yes, I loved you dearly and if your offering me diamonds and rust I've already paid._"

"She's having a Diane moment. Jeff should be here, he should be here. He missed his cue." Abed comment with a stoic expression as he pointed on the ground every time he said 'here.'

"Its Joan Baez," a voice said.

Troy shrieked and turned around with a shocked face, only to see Pierce.

"Oh, my God, you are like the third person who has done that to us tonight! Way to give us heart attacks!" Troy exclaimed while clutching his chest.

"Kids today. You don't even know who Joan Baez is," Pierce shook his head.

"I,I know Pierce. I"ve seen her, her perform at a pro-protest. She's like a major human ri-rights act-act" Britta started to announce before she gagged and then threw up again.

"See, Blondie even knows and she is blitzed out of her mind," Pierce gestured towards Britta who was lying on her side in the backseat.

"Jeff is gonna be mad," Troy said as he winced from the sight of Britta's vomit.

"At least it stopped her from talking about her causes," Abed said and received a nod from Troy and Pierce.

"Where is Jeff?" Pierce asked.

"I don't know, I can't believe he left her here," Troy shook his head.

Abed replied with a slight, almost indistinguishable frustration in his voice, "He's busy. You better take Britta home, Troy. I'll get a ride home with Shirley."

Troy nodded and walked away into the parking lot to get his car.

"Wait, why Shirley? Don't you live with Annie now?" Pierce asked, "Why wouldn't she drive you home?"

"Yeah, but she already left," Abed lied.

"Oh, well would you like me to give you a ride home? I just have to go have the valet get my car. I think he has my keys."

"No, that's okay. My apartment is on the way to Shirley's."

"Alrighty, I guess I'll be going then," Pierce said before walking back to the front to have the valet get his car.

"Come on, Britta," Abed offered his hand to Britta as she struggled to sit up in the backseat of Jeff's car, "I'm gonna help you up before Troy comes."

"Wa-wait, I, I hid some cig-cigarettes back here a couple weeks ago," Britta exclaimed.

"A couple weeks ago?" Abed asked with arched eyebrows.

"Yep," Britta started to dig under the passenger side seat.

"Didn't you quit smoking?" Abed asked

"It, its doesssnnt count when your drunk," Britta replied as if it was common knowledge, "Just like it doesn't count when you're that _Mad Men_ guy."

"When exactly a couple weeks ago?" Abed tilted his head.

"Let, let me thunk, um like 'member when Jeff we-went crazzzy at that bar-mitzpahah?"

"Yeah."

"Welllllll, I picked Je-jeff off the side of the robe and drrrove him back to his caaarrr."

"And how did your cigarettes get into his car?"

"Its a pretty funny st-storrryy," Britta laughed as she leaned down and kept looking under the seats.

"Could you tell me this story?" Abed asked.

"Yes! I've gots them!" Britta triumphantly held up a pack of American Spirits.

"Britta, finish your story," Abed commanded.

She put a cigarette to her lips and leaned over to the front seat to get the cigarette lighter from Jeff's car. Abed snatched it from her hands and lit the cigarette for her. She inhaled for a couple seconds and then asked droopy-eyed, "Wh-what was I say-aying?"

"You drove Jeff back to his car after he freaked out as the hulk, then what happened?" Abed asked.

"Ohh, well you see we went to this bar, but it was-wasn't the Red Door because that place is filled with allllll these hip-hipsters now. Luckily I, I had one of his old shirts in my car, because I don't rrrrreally clllllean it that much."

"Did he drive you to the bar?"

"No" she replied in aggravation.

"Then how did your cigarettes get in here?"

"After the bar, we, we decided to go to Denny's because we decided, fuck the winners!We could go too, even if his pants were in r-rags and I was dressed like, like Michael Jackson."

"And how did you get to Denny's?"

"Duh-doy, we-we walked there. Hahaha Jeff bet, bet thisss college kid that he could eat more pancakes than him. Which he, he did, but then the kid, like, like, wouldn't payyy him, so they got in a fight, " Britta shook her head and whispered loudly, "We, we're not allowed in that Denny's anymore"

"So, you wen't to Denny's and got banned? Then how did you get back to Jeff's car?"

"We walked back, but on, on the way backkkk. I stopped and got cigarettes at the store. Then I smoked a one on the way back and we, we both wen't to his car."

"Then what happened?"

She took a puff of her cigarette and narrowed her eyes at Abed, "I'm, I'm sure you would loovvvee to know what ha-happened. "

"You slept together?" Abed tilted his head in anticipation.

"I'm, I'm not gonna confirrm or de-deny anyyyythingg. You probably already know Abed, you're a fucking shaman. How, how do you know Abed? How do you know what we are gonna do before we do it, beca-becaue I don't even know myself that well. I, I mean I can't even figure out what Imagonna do an hour from now."

"You slept together..." Abed vacantly said while staring at the parking lot pavement, "I didn't anticipate this. I thought you ended after we made our last Anthropology diorama."

"We, we only did it like twice this year. I me-mean its wasn't like last year. I, I can't even count the times fr-from last year," she snorted before taking another puff of her cigarette, "Wa-wait a minute! Wh-why am I tellin' you a storrryy 'bout Jeff? When-when I'm prettyyy sure I'm like mad at him for like fi-five differerent reasons."

"Troy is going to drive you home, o-kay Britta?" Abed slowly said as he held Britta by the shoulders. Britta nodded, before her eyed began to slowly close. Abed took the cigarette out of her mouth.

"W-wait, I'm gonna lose. I'm gonna lose the thing about what Jeff said about me leaving the car..."

"I think you may have already lost, Britta," Abed said sadly.

Troy drive up and parked next tot hem. Abed motioned to Troy that he would carry her to their car. She said, half asleep, "I know, I know what you're thinking r-right now."

"And what is that?" Abed said nonchalantly as he began to pick up Britta over his shoulder.

"It, it was di-different that night. He, he wasn't as distant as, as he used to be," Britta mumbled before falling asleep.

Abed brought her over to Troy, who got out of the car helped him secure her in the backseat.

"She's out," Abed stated, then picked her arm up in the air and then dropped it to see if it was limp, "Probably out for the night."

* * *

Jeff Winger stood alone in the coatroom. He always managed to screw everything up and he hated himself for it. Discretion...he always insisted on discretion, as did Britta. It was like a messed up deja vu of the Transfer Dance; Britta wants him and then he goes and kisses Annie.

He found his coat on the rack and spotted Britta's leather jacket, resting on the coat hanger next to his. He picked it up, read the label and knew that it was the same one from the time she left her jacket at his apartment. Jeff rose it towards his face and breathed in deep, smelling the scent of vanilla and flowers. Her organic DKNY perfume she uses to cover up the faint odor of marijuana, he thought before remembering the last time he smelled her perfume's scent.

_Jeff and Britta, dressed in their impressionist costumes (minus Britta's wig) stumbled on the sidewalk on their way back from Denny's to his car with their arms linked, both singing,_

_"La la la di dee da, la la la di dee da da dum. Sing us a song you're the piano man, sing us a song tonight. Well, we're all in the mood for a melody, And you've got us feelin' alright." _

_"Britta?" _

_"Yeah?" _

_"Do, do you know the next verrse?" _

_"No, I only know the chorus," she burst out laughing._

_"Then how were you singing before?" _

_"I just repeated every word you said," she replied through her hysteric laughter. _

_"Oh, well that explains the echo. We, we're back at my car anyway." _

_"You, you can't drive in your condition," Britta shook her head and waved her finger in a flirty manner at Jeff, grazing his chest. _

_"You can't dr-drive either," Jeff took his index finger and poked Britta in the nose. _

_"Ob-obviously," she rolled her eyes, suppressing laughter. _

_Jeff put his arms around Britta and leaned her against the car, "I, I guess we could do some-something else until we-we're sober." _

_Britta looked up at him and smirked, "What do you have in mind Winger?" _

_"Something along the lines of this," Jeff lifted Britta up against the Lexus and passionately kissed her. She smiled back at him as he slowly let her down._

_Jeff opened the door to his Lexus before she looked up and kissed him again. He tried to pick her up, but lost his balance and fell into the backseat of his Lexus. Britta began to laugh as she got into the backseat and sat on top of Jeff, closing the passenger door behind her. _

_Britta leaned down and began kissing Jeff again. Just as she started to take her shirt off, Jeff stopped her. He grabbed her hand in his and said, "Tell me, tell me, wh-why you left, why, why you ran away as a kid." _

_"Jeff, don't inter-errupt the mood here," Britta struggled to say, "Also, this shirt is starting to itch the hell out of me." _

_"Here, just take my t-shirt instead. It was alrrrready in your carrr for a year," Jeff started to take off his t-shirt, but it got stuck around his head, he laughed, "It smells like you...I miss my clothes smelling like you." _

_Britta ignored his comment and said, "Immagonna take it off for a reason and it has nothing to do with how itchy this ugly, sparkle shirt is." _

_Jeff fixed his shirt, putting it back on. He looked deep into Britta's eyes and said, "Please, Britta, I, I wanna know." _

_"You, you're ju-just say-saying this because of what I said earlier about you being closed off." _

_"No, I wanna know, Britta. You're im-important to me. You, you were the only person who new what to do about me tonight. You, you were the only one who kn-new wh-what to say, the only one who knew not to fuel my ego. I, I know you wanted to tell me before and I was an ass." _

_Britta gave him a weak smile, her smile faded as she nodded to him. She leaned down and laid on top of his chest, putting her lips next to his ear, whispering into it. _

_As Jeff listened to her, he found the hand which wasn't intertwined with Britta's leave her back and began stroking her hair as tears started to leave her eyes. _

_"Its not your fault," Jeff whispered into her ear. He buried his face in her hair and kissed her head. After stroking her hair for a while as they laid in the dark, he asked, "Who was it?" _

_"It doesn't matter," she uttered a listless whisper. _

_The next morning, Jeff Winger woke up alone in his car because Britta Perry did what she did best, she left before he got up. For the first time, they spent the night together without having sex. _


	9. Its Not What You Think

Jeff sauntered out of the party venue in his cashmere pea coat as he held Britta's leather jacket in his left hand. He noticed Pierce aimlessly wandering back and forth on the front steps. After letting out a long, slightly exaggerated sigh, Jeff walked up to Pierce and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Pierce," Jeff said with aggravation, "What are you still doing here?"

"Nothing, I'm just, you know, waiting," Pierce shrugged.

"What exactly for?" Jeff's eyebrows crinkled as he sucked on his bottom lip.

"I'm, I'm not sure. I just remembered I had to do something and then I forgot."

"Do you not remember where you parked your car?" Jeff tilted his head and asked Pierce in a reassuring voice.

Pierce looked down and drew a circle on the ground with his foot, "I thought I gave my keys to the valet, but I didn't they're in my pocket," he paused for a moment then sighed as he gave Jeff a vulnerable look, "I, I can't remember where I parked my car."

Jeff swallowed hard and said, "Come back to my car with me Pierce, I'll drive you around the parking lot until we find yours. I just hope you don't mind a babbling, drunk Britta in the backseat. She never shuts up when she's been drinking.

"That would be great, Jeffrey and she never shuts up when she's sober too," Pierce gave him a warm, slightly embarrassed smile, "Wait, someone, um, Ay-bed was at your car earlier. He and Troy were gonna take Brittles home because he said you were busy doing something else."

Jeff stopped dead in his tracks, "What did Abed mean when he said I was busy?"

"He didn't really elaborate. That kid is an enigma, I don't think even Buddha knows what is going through his head."

"So, they took Britta home?"

"Yeah."

"Meaning, she is not in the backseat of my car, even though I told her to stay?"

"Nope, they didn't think you were coming back for some reason," Pierce shook his head.

"Fuck," Jeff muttered and then threw Britta's leather jacket on the ground and kicked it. He paused for a moment to bend over with his hands on his knees to take a deep breathe.

"Whats wrong?" Pierce asked.

"Nothing," Jeff said through his gritted teeth. He stood back up straight, "Come on, lets just go back to my car, and I'll drive you around the parking lot." He scooped Britta's jacket off the ground and wiped the dirt off of it as he speed walked over to his Lexus. Jeff got into the drivers seat and Pierce sat next to him.

"Your car smells like puke," Pierce commented.

Jeff turned around and saw a puddle of vomit on the floor of his backseat, "What the hell happened when I was gone?" he sighed before leaning his head on the steering wheel and accidentally hitting the horn with his head.

"Jeffrey, can I offer you some input here?"

"You are going to anyway," Jeff replied as he glared at Pierce.

"Let me tell you a story. You know I've been married seven times, but I've only been divorced six."

"I knew you were a polygamist," Jeff deadpanned.

"No, I wasn't. Let me finish the story before you make any of your overrated snarky comments. Now, my first wife, her name was Silvia, we got married in the sixties. Haha, we met at a Jefferson Airplane concert, she was wild. She was the love of my life Jeff, my best friend. We were married, but it only lasted five years and it didn't end the way you think it did. She died of ovarian cancer five years into our marriage. I would give away everything I have just to see her for five more minutes."

"Wow," Jeff replied baffled, "Um...Pierce, I'm really touched that you shared this story with me. I really, don't know how to respond, other than saying, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry for me," Pierce replied, "The thing is Jeffrey, sometimes we share a connection, an understanding with certain people. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is, its that if Silvia was sitting next to me everyday for three years, I wouldn't be pushing her away. Now, just remember, we may have all wanted Archie to choose Betty, but in the end he chose Veronica. By doing that he freed Betty and he tamed Veronica."

"You read Archie comics?" Jeff asked with a hint of snark.

"Archie comics? They're older than I am."

"Pierce, they never made Archie choose. There are like two different universes or something, one where he is with Veronica and the other he is with Betty."

"That's not the point. Go, get your Veronica, Jeff."

"I wish Abed was here. I'm sure he has some commentary on this two universe thing."

"But in real life Jeff, there is only one universe and one cho-Wait! That's my car!"

"Are you sure it is?"

"Positive. See yah Monday, Jeffrey," Pierce replied as he stepped out of Jeff's car.

Jeff watched Pierce get into his car and drove away. He decided to text Abed and see if Britta was okay. Abed immediately responded with a simple, "yes."

* * *

Shirley pulled up to the back exit of the party venue, where Abed was waiting on the loading dock for her. She put her car in park and waited for him to get in.

"Thanks for giving me a ride, Shirley."

"Tell me again why you didn't go with Troy?"

"I just really feel like going home right now."

"Why?"

"Because there are some scenarios I need to go over in the Dreamatorium."

"Abed, where's Annie? I texted her and she said she was okay, but why didn't she drive you home?"

"She was busy doing something else."

"Alright, I don't know what that girl could be up to at midnight...Why didn't Jeff drive Britta home? I thought they left twenty minutes ago."

"Something came up."

"Okay, so what's going on with those two anyway?" Shirley asked in her muppet voice, "I know you set this plan up to get them together! Its a classic sitcom staple, its exactly what you would set up! Also, its the only way to save their souls after having premarital sex on the table."

"I wouldn't get too excited Shirley. I know you want Jeff and Britta to end up together, but I don't think that's a likely scenario at this point."

"Why not? What happened Abed?"

"I don't think I should tell, you would probably tell the entire group," Abed said as he stared forward.

"No, I won't! Do you know how long I kept Britta's secret about them sleeping together?"

"Not as long as I kept quiet about their secret sex."

"Excuse me, but you announced it at random. I did it because I thought it was okay to let it all in the open when they almost got married that first time! I didn't know he kissed Annie after the dance!" Shirley shook her head, "That boy is an idiot."

"He is," Abed stated in agreement. He thought for a moment, "Okay Shirley, I'll tell you, but you have to promise to not let anyone else in the study group know, especially Britta."

"Especially, Brit-ta?" Shirley looked at Abed from the corner of her eye as she turned a corner. She lowered her tone and asked, "This isn't good news, is it?"

"No," Abed said, then deadpanned, "I saw Jeff kissing Annie in the coatroom."

Suddenly Shirley stopped the car short and Abed felt himself being restrained by the seatbelt as he flew forward. Her eyes narrowed and she turned to her right, looking at Abed, "Excuse me? Jeff, Annie, kissing? Again? No, no, no," Shirley winced and shook her head.

"Yeah, I don't think I should get involved in the group's love lives anymore. This was a horrible idea. They were so close, but I misread what would happened.I should have waited until I was more certain about Jeff and Britta's situation with each other. I acted too fast and misread what happened between them this year. I just didn't think an opportunity like this would happen again."

"Abed, I thought you told me how you didn't like this love triangle stuff? I mean normally we would have gone to this party and re-enacted _The Wedding Singer _or something. Instead, we go and do this? Abed, honey, why did you do this?"

"I needed to fix the balance, of course. Annie messed it up. Britta and Troy just don't match up with any tropes... I didn't see them lasting in a good way, lasting in a way that would benefit each of them long term. It didn't work out, so I'm just letting things fall into place. Thats why I let him drive her home. I guess they could be the Chandler and Monica. That's why the _Friends_ creators made Ross and Monica brother and sister for a reason, to prevent this sort of thing."

"All this because you didn't want Troy to have a girlfriend? Him dating girls never bothered you before."

Abed remained quiet for a moment and vacantly replied, "Britta dating Troy would bring up the subject of Jeff dating Annie, again. Which would not be good for Jeff, for Annie, and for the group."

"Well, I agree with you on that because he is way too old for her, but how would that bother you?"

"Did I say it would bother me? I just said it wouldn't be good or beneficial for the group as a whole."

Shirley was about to agree with him, but one of Pierce's many disgusting comments popped into her mind, _"I call the other ones flat-butt and the one Ay-bed wants to nail." _Then she connected it to, _"Don't worry, I can only connect with people through...movies, " _"_I was only playing Han Solo because the context demanded it,"_ and, _"Annie messed it up."_

"Oh my!" Shirley exclaimed as she put her hand over her mouth.

"No, Shirley, your realization is wrong," Abed said as he tilted his head in attempt to convince her otherwise.

Shirley shook her head while her hand was still over her mouth and her eyes still wide.

Abed nodded, "Yes, it is."

She shook her head again before taking her hand off her mouth to cautiously whisper, "You, you love Annie? That's why you don't want Troy to be with Britta?"

Abed remained expressionless, "That's not just it. I've been testing Jeff. I know what he _should_ want. He just doesn't know what he _does _want."

Shirley remained quiet for a moment then asked,"Why, why haven't you said anything to her?"

"I can't. Not unless I'm being a character. I don't want to mess up the dynamic of the group. Its fear, I guess, or as close to fear as I can express."

"Abed, I thought you had no problem talking to women? You proved that to us when we tried to set you up with that _Pride and Prejudice_ girl."

"Of course I don't, I have self-esteem coming out of my ass. Its pretty obvious," Abed deadpanned.

"Then why haven't you said anything, Abed?" Shirley asked.

"Its different with her. She's the only woman who can give me one look and make my heart feel like its going to melt away. Its like everything around me feels numb, but once I look into her eyes and I can feel. Also, I don't usually make the first move it would be out of character for me."

"Abed, if you like Annie so much, then why did you push her away after your little Han Solo role play thing from the paintball game last year?"

"Because she didn't want me, she wanted Han Solo. You can't build something meaningful on that. She would have expected Han Solo, not Abed. I don't impulsively grab women and kiss them. I wait...but with Annie, she's too preoccupied with Jeff."

"She hasn't been too preoccupied with him lately."

"She goes to his locker to watch his wardrobe changes at least three times a week."

"That doesn't mean anything," Shirley said in attempt to console Abed.

"Shirley, there are these words that Annie said once to Jeff that linger with me, 'I never want to be the reason you're mad, because...you're Jeff Winger. So, thanks for getting mad.' Its the way she said his name, Jeff Winger, like he was a God, a man who could get anything he wanted at anytime. A man to who didn't have to overcome obstacles, but instead just kicked them aside when they blocked his path. I'm not like that. I'm not Jeff Winger, I'm not Don Draper, I'm not Hawkeye and I'm not Han Solo. I'm the supporting side character. Characters like me don't get love interests who are part of the main cast. Phoebe had Mike, Cliff had Sally or Margaret and Louie had Zena. I may have my occasional conquest. I mean lets face it women love me, but I'll never beat out Jeff Winger for Annie. He's like a real Harrison Ford. I'm just some cheap imitation and Annie can tell the difference. I don't have a chance against that. If Jeff accepts his buried feelings for Britta, then he won't feel the need to prevent Annie from being with anyone else."

"Abed, worry about your own story and forget about Jeff's. Be the main character of your own story."

"I do have my own stories now and then and I know I should worry about my story more than Jeff's. I, I just cant go through with it. The group means more to me than anything. We're a family. I don't want to cause any further rift."

* * *

Abed noticed the brick to prop open the door to their apartment was there. If Annie had come home, then she surely would have removed it. He thought about how Troy may have put it there, but he realized that no one should need to come to their apartment at this time of night. The steps creaked as Abed cautiously approached the door to his apartment. It was locked, just as it always was.

He decided to check in the blanket fort to see if Troy was home from Britta's yet, but Troy's bed was empty. The Dreamatorium was too. There was never complete silence in their apartment. Either the TV was always on, the Dreamatorium was being used, Annie usually was listening to music while doing her homework, or Troy and Abed were talking to each other.

Abed heard the faint sound of whimpering coming from Annie's room. Normally Abed left her alone, but tonight, he knew it would be a mistake for him to not see her. He was about to open her door, but as he knocked on it, the door easily creaked open, letting a slant of light into the room, revealing Annie curled up on her bed with her knees tucked to her chest. He could see the puffy features of her eyes and realized Annie was crying. She kept an intense stare on the cell phone sitting on the end of her bed.

"Annie," Abed called her, "why are you staring at your cell phone?"

"I was thinking about making a phone call," Annie said emotionless as she vacantly stared at her cell phone.

Abed walked into her room and crouched down by her bed, causing Annie to burst into tears.

"Abed, take my cellphone," she uttered through her tears.

"What?" Abed asked as he remained expressionless.

"Just take it!" she said frustratingly, then almost yelled, "Take the fucking thing and snap it in half!"

"Why?" Abed titled his head to contemplate why Annie was upset. She never swore like that.

"Abed, snap the damn phone in half!" Annie cried out.

He did as she said.

"Annie, why did I just break your cell phone?" Abed looked at the two broken pieces in each of his hands.

"So, everything will be okay later, so, so I don't contact anyone that I may regret later on," she said through her hyperventilated tears before she began to calm down.

"Why are you upset? I saw you kiss Jeff. Isn't that what you wanted? Shouldn't you be giddy like all women in romantic comedies are?"

"Ha," Annie laughed for a moment, but it wasn't her cheery laugh, her I love Butterflies laugh. It was an unsettling laugh, a cackle of amusement. "Its more complicated than that. Its far more complicated than anyone could imagine, even you Abed," she paused for a moment to think, then uttered in a moan as she tried to restrain her tears, "Its just we're all so broken, Abed. Why did they have to break us?"

Abed remained silent. He knew who "they" were, she was referring to parents.

"Its not fair," she wen't on, "Why, why do we feel so lonely, even though we have each other?"

He still remained silent as he tried to understand the rush of emotions Annie was experiencing.

"Abed?" Annie asked, still staring out into the darkness of her room.

"Yeah?"

"Do you know what it feels like to be high on an amphetamine?"

He shook his head.

She turned her head to him and looked him dead in the eyes, "There have been studies done, which associate the feeling of love with the sensation of being high on an amphetamine," Annie paused for a moment and looked away from Abed and spouted out information with a vacant stare, "When you fall in love, the phenylethylamine released from your body speeds up the connections in your nervous system. This triggers the secretion of dopamine, which leads to having a feeling of elation and euphoria," she began to shake her head, "But that's not just it, then, then norepinepherine is released. That's what gives you the adrenaline high. With all three of these chemicals being released in your body at the same time, it creates the same effect of being high on an amphetamine... I've come to the conclusion its why I fall in love so easily...And here, heres's the crazy thing though, the feeling can be there one day and be gone another because your body becomes used to the chemicals."

"Annie, does this have to do with the brick propping up the door? Were you expecting someone to come?" he tilted his head, knowing what Annie's intentions were.

"I don't know, I didn't make the phone call," She turned to him for a moment cackled again before returning to her vacant stare, "I didn't feel it this time, Abed. What if I don't feel it again with Jeff? I didn't feel the euphoria and I missed it, I missed it so much. On amphetamines, you focus on the immediate things, not the problems beneath the surface. You take the pills and then suddenly the sensation is there, the feeling of sneaking a stolen look with that special person. The intense charge for desire that erupts in the pit of your stomach, the expeditious feeling of my heart beating, so fast like its about to burst out of my chest. Its nothing short of an overwhelming sense of awe."

She paused again for a moment, to release her knees from her hands. Annie laid down on her side and looked at Abed.

"The beating Abed, the intense beating of my heart, I miss it. It gives you the feeling of definite courage, like the debate kiss with Jeff," Annie began to smile as she remembered the moment, "to kiss Jeff Winger when he least expected it. The sensation awoke inside of me. The sensation of the beating, the nervousness, the rapid passing of time, the focus, the courage. I felt that with Jeff. The stolen glances, the grazings of my arm, every time he calls me Milday. This time though, it wasn't there. Perhaps, it was because of what I heard Britta say in the parking lot... If only he could change. I don't see why he can't. I've changed. I mean look, I haven't taken any pills in years, and its so hard Abed, its so hard to change. I realize that, but I just can't understand why people can't do it, especially after trying so hard like Jeff has. Can't he see that being emotionally closed off from everyone is not just hurting him, but everyone else around him? I just don't get it. You told me to think about what he wants Abed, but I can't figure it out! What the hell does he want, Abed?"

"Jeff doesn't know what he wants," Abed replied.

They sat in silence for a moment before Abed leaned over and looked at Annie. He tried to decide what to do, what she wanted, what she was feeling. He looked into her melancholy eyes while gently wiping the mascara and tears away from her face. Suddenly, he felt his hand being touched by her hand, she gently pulled him towards herself in an embrace, so they laid side by side, looking into each other's eyes. Her hand lightly touched the side of his cheek, while she whispered, "Abed please, hold me for a while."

Abed resisted an_ X-files_ reference and nodded. He rested his leg over hers and began to stroke her hair until she fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning, Annie found herself in the clothes she wore the night before, uncomfortable black pants and a white collard shirt. Her eyes felt droopy as she looked over at the clock on the nightstand, showing the time to be six am. She got up and sat on the edge of the bed, causing her to look into the mirror on her bureau. She looked like she had slept on a bench, her eyes looked puffy and tired.

Annie rose from her bed and opened her bedroom door. As she walked into the living room, she saw a finished plant cell diorama on the kitchen table with Abed asleep at the table. She smiled to herself and went into the bathroom to wash her face. He sat there dead asleep when she came out of the bathroom, leading her to decide to walk over to him. Annie leaned down and kissed him on the forehead, causing him to wake up. Still sitting in the chair, he hugged her around the waist as she buried her face in his hair.

"I wanted to finish it for you, because I knew you wouldn't want to do it today with everyone. Now we can watch movies or go in the Dreamatorium or do whatever you want," Abed explained as she held him tightly.

"Thank you...so much, Abed," Annie whispered with a small smile on her face.

* * *

In the morning, Jeff decided to go to Britta's, so he could see if she was okay and to give her back her leather jacket. He slowly made his way up to the door of her apartment building. He took a deep breathe in and then breathed out, before going inside, walking up the five floors to her unit, and knocking on the door. A hung-over Britta answered the door, with frizzy hair, and wearing only a shirt. She saw Jeff and her eyes bugged out.

"Listen-" Jeff began.

"No," Britta interrupted by closing her eyes and waving her hand at him, "just let me get this out right now, before I muck up anymore. Whatever I said, I did not mean. I was drunk off my ass, Troy obviously makes really strong drinks."

"What about my drinks?" Jeff heard a faint voice in the background. He tried to look around in her apartment, but Britta closed the door and wen't out in the hall with Jeff.

"Troy is in there?" Jeff asked jealously.

Britta remained silent for a moment and then said, "Well its not like you cared, I mean if you did even care about what I said last night, you would have drove me home instead of Troy."

"I was going to drive you home!" Jeff said as he pointed towards himself, "I wen't to go get my coat and when I came back you were gone, even though I told you to stay like three times."

"Well, considering you had time to make out with Annie in the coat closet before you decided to drive me home, I would have to say you must have taken a long time."

"How did you even know that?"

"Its the twentieth century Jeff, word travels fast."

Jeff angrily looked at Britta and pointed down at the ground, "Its the twenty-first century and do you know what? I cant believe you just slept with Troy!"

"I didn't sleep with Troy. Ew, that would have been like date rape. What is wrong with you? He stayed here all night, sleeping on the couch and helped me when I was throwing up."

"Oh, well good for him then," Jeff said with discontent, "I came here to see if you were okay and this is what happens?"

"What do you think this is? A Nora Epson movie? You think you can come to my door, give one of you 'epic Jeff Winger Speeches'," Britta began, while making sure to use exaggerated air quotes, "and everything will be okay? Because you can't Jeff. You may have the same hairline, but you're no Billy Crystal."

"Its Nora Ephron, Epson is a company that makes printers," Jeff put his palm over his face, "And you're no Meg Ryan yourself. I don't think any sane person would dub you as America's sweetheart. Also, I don't understand. We stopped like seven months ago, what right do you have to be mad?"

"I don't have a right to be mad, its just that..." Britta trailed off before, forcing herself to say in an almost mumble, "the Annie thing is there, its always there and it always will be and I hate that Jeff, I hate it because she will never ever understand you the way I do and you will never understand her the way you understand me."

"I'm not going to even bother explaining me kissing Annie to you, because obviously if it mattered or if something was going to happen, then I would be with her right now, wouldn't I?"

"Its only because you are ashamed of taking advantage of some kid."

"She's not some kid, she's twenty-one years old and It wasn't like that. I was just trying to comfort her and I didn't mean to kiss her like that," Jeff pointed at his chest. "I didn't mean for it to turn into that."

Britta stood there frozen, she looked at Jeff, who stared back at her. He started to turn around slowly, to leave.

"Are you glad now? Glad you won?" Britta crossed her arms in disgust.

"I didn't wan't to win this time," Jeff turned his head to her before angrily walking away.

Britta heatedly shouted back at him, "I guess there is a first time for everything, oh wait, never mind, this has happened before. Also, "All I Need" is about the exploitation of child labor and trafficking, not love. Thom Yorke doesn't write love songs. You wouldn't know a song about love if it bit you in the ass!"

"Okay, then add 'love song writing' to the list of things Thom Yorke can't do, right under playing the guitar well."

"You. Take. That. Back,"Britta pointed at him, with anger in her eyes.

"Make me!" Jeff yelled, then briskly walked down the stairs.

Britta ran down the stairs and followed him out into her apartment building's parking lot.

"You followed me out here barefoot, wearing only a t-shirt?" Jeff asked while crinkling his forehead.

"Take. It. Back," Britta said through gritted teeth.

"Ne-v-er," Jeff said, then continued to his car. He turned around for a moment and then said, "Billy Corgan was right. Radiohead is a pompous band who has its head up its own ass, just like you!"

"I, I fucking hate you Jeff Winger!"

"You hate yourself," Jeff replied, then started to turn around and walk to his car.

"Well, you hate yourself more. That's why you feel the need for everyone to like you," Britta countered.

He turned around and replied,"At least the hatred I have of myself, doesn't make me sleep with half the population of Greendale," Jeff glared at her, then opened his driver side door.

Britta bit her lip and responded coldly, "No, no, it doesn't...But at least I know where the hatred of myself stems from. Its your guilt that makes you hate yourself. You hate the guilt, Jeff. We all know you want to bang her, its no secret. Its because he would bang her and you don't want to be him and repeat his mistakes. You hate yourself because you want to corrupt her, so badly, even though you know it would be wrong. Because she would love you when its over, but you wouldn't feel any different, you wouldn't care for her the same way she would care for you."

Jeff glared back at her without saying a word, then got into the driver's seat of his car and slammed the door. Britta watched him drive away before going back into her apartment.


	10. Monday

**A/N:Just wanted to say, thanks for the reviews/follows. **

* * *

On Monday morning, a disheveled, unshaven Jeff walked into the study room with sunglasses on and an iced coffee in hand. He noticed Abed was the only one there.

"Hey, Jeff," Abed said as he sat in his usual seat, "Whiskey?"

"Hey, Abed," Jeff replied dolefully as he sat in his usual seat and noticed the plant cell diorama, which sat in the middle of the table, "Yes, whiskey, a lot of whiskey. Since ten am yesterday... Shit, don't tell me you guys made this without me."

"I made it."

"Alone? Why would you do that?" Jeff lowered his sunglasses to the tip of his nose and looked at Abed.

"Because we weren't in the condition to make a diorama together...I think we all know how that brings conflict," Abed stated, knowing to not mention that he made it to console Annie.

Jeff sighed before taking a sip of his iced coffee, "That's true...Abed, how, how did you know? I mean how did you know the reason I took so long to get back to Britta in the car."

"I saw you and Annie."

Jeff paused before asking in a serious tone,"Did you tell Britta? Listen, I promise I won't get angry if you did. She should have known anyway."

Abed cocked his head to the left and said, "No, I wouldn't tell Britta that."

"Well, someone did and I can't imagine it was Annie. This time, she had a discretion talk with me instead of the other way around."

Abed paused for a moment and made a mental note to talk to Shirley, "I'm sorry, Jeff. It was all my fault"

"No, its not. Abed, you were just trying to help. I'm the one who screwed it all up."

"No, I tried to make you and Britta something your not. I wanted so desperately for you guys to be our group's Ross and Rachel, but your not. You're a different kind of couple"

"Who are we then?"

"The worst kind, you're a Jerry and Elaine"

"Jerry and Elaine were great as friends"

"Yeah, but Ross and Rachel were happy, I just wanted you guys to be happy. It took Elaine an impending plane crash to almost admit her feelings for Jerry and when the plane stabilized she changed her mind. Its just that all of you guys, the study group, you all have so much sadness. I tried to understand it and fix it, but I still can't."

"Ross and Rachel were not happy. They were idiots who could never decide when they were and were not in a relationship, thus creating their break-up in the first place. I mean who doesn't discuss the details of a 'break.' Ross was obviously in the right. Rachel was a materialistic little princess who only cared about herself and I mean how realistic was her job? She was definitely not qualified to work for Ralph Lauren. Ross was a freaking doormat who was too pious for his own good. Nobody listened to him because he was such a boring doofus who only talked about stupid shit nobody cared about. They were crazy enough to get drunkenly married and, and...I think I just described..."Jeff trailed off.

"You and Britta...You're the Rachel, she's the Ross," Abed replied as his eyes widened slightly, "I thought you didn't watch _Friends_, Jeff?"

"I said, I almost never did. I only got the gist of it through the like five episodes I've seen."

"You just described a little more than the gist of it."

"Fine, I've seen like every episode five times, but really, who hasn't? Its on like six times a day."

"That's true. You would have to live under a rock to not have seen it. They were happy though, happy when they weren't too stupid to mess it up. Its just too bad."

"What's too bad?"

"That everything in real life can't be wrapped up in twenty-two minutes."

"It wasn't always like that on sitcoms either. Isn't that why they created story arcs?"

"_Cheers_ did. They somehow managed to solve Sam Malone's alcoholism in one episode, but it usually took Sam and Diane two or three episodes to work out their relationship problems."

"That's where she got it from," Jeff made a fist in his victory from discovering where Britta got her "I'll be sober in the morning," comeback.

"She got what from?"

"It doesn't matter," Jeff shook his head, then said, "its just that I guess...well the thing is Abed, sometimes there are things you can't fix and its really frustrating because theres a part of you that wants to do something so badly, but you cant. You're yearning for control, but its not within your reach. You have to make a choice, but you're afraid of every outcome because sometimes there isn't an outcome that will satisfy you or the other person."

"Intriguing notion...I guess its a good thing there are the other timelines. If my projections are correct, there's at least two where you and Britta are together."

"Abed, there are no other timelines," Jeff said with aggravation, then turned his head and asked in disbelief, "Really?"

"Yep, two with you and Britta together, two with you and Annie together, one with Annie and Britta together, this one the Prime Timeline and...the Darkest one where no one is together, at least for the time being. This is all according to my projections, of course."

"There is a timeline where Annie and Britta are together? Can I visit?" Jeff joked.

"Its not a joke, Jeff, I'm serious," Abed tilted his head and nodded once.

"And then on _Forensic Files_, they found a dead body embedded in a staircase, I almost had to look away...almost," Shirley shuddered as her and Annie walked into the room.

"Ew," Annie winced, "Sounds like they ripped off Edgar Allan Poe." She sat down in her seat and gave Abed a smile, before giving Jeff a nod of acknowledgement.

"Pierce, are you sure we did not land on the moon?" Troy asked as he walked into the study room.

"Positive, I saw it on the TV when it happened. Stanley Kubrick filmed the entire thing. Like I said earlier, all the clues are in _The Shining_."

"True, true," Troy began to nod.

"Troy!" Annie exclaimed, "Do you really believe a word of what Pierce just said?"

"Um, his_ The Shining_ argument was pretty convincing, Annie," Troy replied.

Annie pointed at herself, "I can assure you, we landed on the moon."

"Were you there, Annie?" Pierce asked with an arrogant smile.

"No, I'm just using logic and common sense," Annie shot back.

"Annie, honey, don't bother, Pierce is a lost cause," Shirley added.

"I'm not trying to convince Pierce," She turned to Troy, "Really Troy? You're gonna believe Pierce?"

"Fine Annie, then please explain why the flag doesn't move. Huh? Why doesn't the flag move?" Troy tossed his arms up in the air.

"Also," Pierce started to add, "Why would Kubrick put all those clues in_ The Shining_? Like what about the room being 237 when the moon is two hundred thirty-seven thousand miles from earth."

"This conversation is too ridiculous for its own good," Annie crossed her arms. She was about to look at Jeff, who was ignoring everyone as he texted on his blackberry, and give him a look to set everyone in their place, but then she remembered what happened two nights ago. Instead, she decided to turn to Abed, "Abed, you are the movie expert. Please, explain to them how Kubrick did not fake the moon landing."

"Well, Pierce has a point about the room number, there are also the many deviations from King's novel, the timing of the filming of_ 2001: A Space Oddessy_, also the sweater Danny wears."

"Abed," Annie's eyes widened in disbelief, "You can't be serious? Can you?"

"I'm kidding," Abed admitted with a nod and a slight unnoticeable smile. He turned to Troy and nodded, "Troy, we landed on the moon. Out of all the crazy _The Shining_ theories, the moon landing one is the most ridiculous. We'll watch the documentary _Room 237 _later. We'll also watch _The Shining_ twice, once before and once after and you'll see how the continuity errors were not there on purpose."

Troy nodded back and gave him a handshake, acknowledging that he only needed Abed's confirmation to set it straight.

Britta meandered into the study room with her sunglasses hanging on the tip of her nose. She almost lost her balance as she tried to sit in her chair.

"Hangover day two, Britta?" Abed asked.

Britta nodded before laying her head face-down on the table.

"She was cocked out of her mind two nights ago," Pierce stated, "Once, I had four day hangover, man that was-"

'We don't need to know, Pierce," Shirley crinkled her nose and shook her head. "No Kurt and Courtney jokes?" she asked in a sweet tone.

Everyone remained quiet until Abed decided to say, "I have one. Should I say it to stop the awkward silence?"

Annie and Troy nodded at him.

"Fine," Abed began and then turned to Britta as he said in a monotone voice, "So, are you waiting for him to draft his will?"

"Abed," Britta rolled her head over towards him, "That was a weak one, especially for you."

Jeff looked up from his blackberry, tilted his sunglasses to the tip of his nose, and looked at Britta, "Still trying to get that acting career going? Because we all know you weren't acting in _The People vs. Larry Flint_.'"

Britta turned to Jeff and smirked, "Hey Kurt, back from the dead to get your revenge on me for faking your suicide note?"

"Nice one,"Jeff responded dryly, "Although, my return from the dead is warranted because I hear you have plans to write a musical about my life."

"But a Nirvana musical would be so much better than a movie," she joked and smiled up at him, "think about the wide audience it would appeal to."

Jeff gave a small smile back at her, acknowledging they were "even" after he kissed Annie and she called him out on his flaws. It was something they did many times before whenever they had an argument during the period when they were sleeping together. It was always how they kept their fights secret from the group. They now could go on and act in what they considered to be civil behavior towards one another, when in the company of their study group.

Britta looked at the plant cell diorama in front of her, "Shit, did you guys do that without me?"

Annie looked shyly down at her notebook and commented, "Abed made it. He thought we would all be too tired after, well, you know everything that happened on Saturday night."

Britta lowered her sunglasses down at Abed, with her mouth hanging slightly open, "You didn't have to do that. We all should have contributed."

"Its fine Britta," Abed nodded at Britta then focused on Annie, "I didn't mind, not in the least."

Annie looked up at Abed and looked him in the eyes, slightly tilting her head at him, until her attention deviated away when the Dean made an announcement over the P.A system.

_"Hellloooo all! I would just like to make a brief announcement congratulating Greendale's favorite study group on their completion of a plant cell diorama. Now this is the fourth diorama made by Jeff Winger and his friends this semester and to commemorate this moment, we all should now and forever..." _

"As sweet as those announcements are, he makes way too many of them," Shirley commented before they all got up and walked to Biology.

* * *

After Biology, Annie found Britta in her car that morning, smoking a joint. Instead of asking for permission, she opened the car door and sat in the passenger seat. Britta didn't say a word and just stared at Annie.

She took one long hit of her joint and just as she was about to put it out, Annie said before crinkling her nose, "You don't need to put it out. I've never smoked weed before and I'm not going to get addicted to it from smelling it. Like anyone could. It smells awful."

Britta stared at her in disbelief and took another hit, "I must be really high right now. I hope they didn't lace this with PCP, I have to work later...This can't be a deja vu from last week. Are you really here?" She reached out and touched Annie on the shoulder.

Annie waved her hand at Britta, to signal her to stop touching her shoulder,"Stop being paranoid.I'm surprised that you, of all people, don't have a Medical Marijuana I.D. card."

"Yeah, I really should get on that. There's kind of a lot of paperwork and effort," Britta stated.

"Britta, I don't know how to say this," Annie began, "but its something that hit me the other night."

Britta remained silent.

"We are very different people but despite that, you're still my one of my best friends and I never thought we had much in common, except our competitive nature or Jeff..." Annie trailed off.

"And you were saying?" Britta asked.

"Well, I just know how it feels to not talk to your family after years and years. Britta, My mother disowned me four years ago and I've only seen my dad once since I was thirteen. It was at my arraignment hearing after I got arrested for possession. He gave me money for a lawyer and said, 'This was supposed to be for your college, but I guess now we'll have to use it for something else.' And the messed up thing is, he was one of the major reasons I started taking it. I kept thinking, if I do well, then they will be happier. She will be proud and maybe he will come back or start to call again. Seeing you yell at your father for everything he put you through and how he treated you was both enlightening and terrifying at the same time. And I just wanted to say, that you were brave for seeing them after all this time and telling them off."

Britta bit her lip and shook her head, "No Annie, that's not how a person is supposed to act. I was not brave. I acted like a scared, immature little kid. As an adult I shouldn't have done that."

"But you were in the right. I mean they're assholes. You don't need them as a family Britta, you have us."

"I know," Britta nodded, except she didn't agree with Annie, because deep down, Britta knew Greendale wasn't forever. She didn't want to crush Annie's naivety. "Do you wan't to see them? Your parents?"

"I'm not sure... Some days I really miss them, just through thinking about them doing everyday things, like shop for groceries, working or eating dinner. With my dad, I imagine him with children and a wife, even though I don't think he's married. With my mother, I imagine her at work, going through the motions, lying to her friends about how 'Adderall was just a phase she got over, Annie is studying in Europe because she is just so smart and will probably be a doctor.'" Annie's eyes began to fill with tears and she broke down crying.

Britta took Annie's hand as they sat in the car, "Annie, people should never be judged by the mistakes they make when they're sixteen."

"I, I know."

* * *

Shirley came out of the ladies room and was unsuspectingly ambushed by Abed who seemed to appear from behind one of the vending machines. She clutched her purse and almost swung it at Abed's head.

"Abed, what the hell are you doing?" she yelled.

Abed motioned for her to come closer, "Come here."

She rolled her eyes and took a couple steps closer to him.

He looked to his left and right before whispering, "Did, you tell Britta about that thing we agreed you would not tell her about?"

Shirley's eyebrows narrowed at him, "No, I told you Abed, I'm keeping this secret. I didn't tell her at all. Do you think I want a repeat of our first week of Anthropology. We don't need another fight like that. Nobody and I mean nobody deserves to be punched in the face by Annie. I would know. It hurts like Hades."

"Really? You didn't say anything?"

"No, Abed," Shirley said in an aggravated tone.

"Well, someone did," he looked down at the ground and began to think.

Her eyes widened, "You mean, Brit-ta knows and she hasn't exacted revenge on Jeff yet?"

Abed nodded.

"Interesting," Shirley tilted her head at Abed.

* * *

Annie walked back from Britta's car and back into the school, she would have stayed longer and sat there with her, but she needed to go to her Chemistry class. She sat down in her usual seat in the front row. Despite being physically present in class, for the first time, maybe in her life, besides the day Jeff and Britta made-out in Anthropology, Annie was not mentally present in class. After absently staring at the wall while her professor lectured, a key word from her professor's question caught her attention.

"What is the white solid that forms when phenylethylamine comes in contact with carbon dioxide?" the professor asked.

"What is phenylethylamine?" Annie heard Starburns ask.

At first she rolled her eyes at Starburns, knowing the only reason he was in this class was so he could figure out how to use equipment for a meth lab. But Annie found herself blurting out a slew of facts to the class, "Phenethylamine is a primary amine of the amino-group, it being attached to a benzene ring through a two-carbon, or ethyl group. Its a colorless liquid, soluble in water. Its produced naturally by the body when-"

"When a person thinks they're in love...but that's not the only thing its good for. Little Annie Adderall here would know though," a voice in the classroom doorway interrupted.

She turned her head and saw Annie Kim leaning in the doorway of the classroom.

Annie Kim continued, "That's because Adderrall belongs to a class of phenethylamine. Its used by people with ADHD, because studies have found ADHD patients have low levels of phenethylamine. You can become addicted to the feeling of it, and by an extension of that, the feeling of being in love. Edison, did you know that?" Annie Kim finished saying, "Sorry to interrupt professor, but I was sent by Dean Pelton to fetch Edison here. Seems he needs to see her for some reason."

She sat still in her seat, baffled by the statement Annie Kim just made.

"Well, go Miss Edison," her professor shooed her, "Quick, before Dean Pelton feels the need to make eight different announcements over the intercom about your study group. The first twelve we heard today were enough."

Annie hurried out of her seat and wen't to Dean pelton's office. She arrived to find the Dean dressed in a green spandex suit with what looked like flower petals around his head.

"Hello!"

"Hi Dean," she crinkled her forehead and remarked, "Oh, I get it, April showers, bring May flowers, right?"

"Exactly, now Annie," the Dean began, "I'm a bit worried about Jeffrey." He tilted his head in a dramatic manner as he frowned.

"I'm sure he will be fine," Annie forced a smile and attempted to back out of his office, "He's just hungover."

"Oh, I didn't mean that," the Dean waved his hand at Annie in a dramatic manner, "I mean, I think he may be trying to-"

"I don't care!" Annie yelled, "I don't care! Why is everyone always trying to help him. He is a grown man! And why am I always the one who is supposed to 'help' him? Huh? I don't freaking get it! I'm twenty-one years old its not my job to help some stupid man-child on the brink of a mid-life crisis! Maybe, maybe I should be trying to solve my own problems for once!"

"Annie, I didn't realize you felt this strongly about this," the Dean said with wide eyes, as he gripped his chest with his right hand, "Its just you're the friend he is closest to, well besides Britta and really, do we really want to ask her for help? She can't even eat pizza correctly."

"Yes, I know Britta may eat pizza backwards, but-"

"But nothing, she can't even eat pizza correctly and you wan't her to fix Jeffrey's problem?"

"You know what, Dean? I don't care who you get!" Annie stormed out of the office and felt freer than she had in a long time. She strode down the hallway with a beaming smile. Yes, Jeff was her friend and yes, she cared for him deeply, but it wasn't her responsibility to fix his problems. The funny thing was, that just three days ago, she would have said "yes," the second she walked into the Dean's office.

Just as she walked past a utility closet, she felt a tap on her shoulder. Annie turned around and saw Jeff motion for her to come in. She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

He gritted his teeth together and mouthed "come on, we need to talk." She pursed her lips and followed him into the closet.

"Why does every private conversation we have, have to take place in a closet?" Annie frustratingly asked.

"I wanted to apologize, for you know...what happened."

"Its fine, Jeff," Annie shrugged, "I mean, I instigated it and I was the one who stopped it, so I don't know why _you_ are sorry."

"Well, technically I instigated it because I did kiss you first."

"It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter who did what first. Let's just forget about it, okay?"

Jeff looked down on the ground, "We did that about the last one and it hasn't exactly helped our friendship."

"You didn't want to talk about this for what? Two years? And suddenly now you want to discuss it?"

He didn't say a word.

"I don't know why you do the things you do Jeff, and frankly I don't care anymore. I just wan't to concentrate on finishing my classes this year," Annie began to walk out of the closet.

"Annie, I'm sorry."

She turned around, "I know, and so am I, but I'm not sorry for what I did to you. I'm sorry for what I did to Britta. I'm sorry for screwing up the entire night by being selfish. If I didn't behave immaturely last night, we could have handled drunk Britta better, I wouldn't have flirted with her brother and I wouldn't have fought with Abed and distracted him."

Jeff remained silent and realized, Annie didn't know. She didn't know that Britta knew about the kiss and Annie didn't know that she was the reason Britta got drunk.

"So," Annie continued, "I don't want this to change our friendship. I like being your friend Jeff and I don't want it to be awkward."

He nodded, " You're right, just like you always are and I mean that as a compliment."

Annie started to walk out of the utility closet again, but before she opened the door, she winced, turned around and ran to Jeff, giving him a hug. He hugged her back and released her without looking her in the eyes.

"You're one of my best friends, Annie. I don't want to lose you," Jeff said.

"I don't want to lose you either," she replied with a cracked voice before turning around and leaving the utility closet.

* * *

Later that night, Jeff walked up to Britta's apartment again, he knocked on the door. Britta answered and looked at him. "I'm not used to having so many visitors," she said sarcastically, "People seem to flock to this place these days."

"It must be the artistic rendition of the Pixies you have on your wall."

Britta smirked back at him and leaned against the door frame, "Come on in," she raised her eyebrows at him.

"I like what you've done with the place," Jeff commented while circling around her kitchen.

"Jeff, you were here two days ago."

"I know, I was acknowledging this fetching orchid. You seemed to have kept it as a centerpiece for your kitchen table."

"Well, I probably should get rid of it. You see, the guy who gave it to me is a selfish, backstabbing asshole."

"I deserved that."

"I'm not gonna contest it."

"That's a first."

She smiled weakly back at him, "Your friend Johnny Walker is still in the cabinet, would you like to say hi?"

"I don't think a quick hello would hurt." Jeff sat down on her couch and waited for Britta to come back with two gasses. She sat down next to him and turned the TV on.

"Do you wanna watch TV?" she asked.

"Why not? Its a Monday and I'm not doing my Biology crap tonight."

"You're really asking for it aren't you?" she smirked at him.

"Have you done yours?"

"Haha, no. I'm just gonna copy Abed's in the morning. He said he 'owes me one.'"

"He owes you more than one," Jeff laughed, "Can I copy yours after you copy his...I think he copies his from Annie anyway."

"I don't think you deserve my awesome assignment that I'm copying from Abed's copy of Annie's actual work that she probably did."

"Why do you always have the most difficult time explaining things," Jeff laughed.

"Why do you always try to get away with shit without working?"

"I'm not the only one. I seem to remember a certain slip of paper with Spanish words written on it. Buts that's in the past," Jeff smirked, "What are we watching anyway?"

"I don't know," Britta smiled back.

"Is this the Sci-fi channel? Because I don't think I've seen a faker looking CGI bat monster in my life."

"I said, I don't know. I don't have the TV info box thing, or a remote."

"Then how are we getting cable right now?"

"Courtesy of Mrs. O'Toole," Britta said slowly as she smiled.

"Britta? You're stealing cable from your elderly neighbor?"

"Technically it is stealing, but lets just say I'm paying for it morally.I take care of her poor cats. She loves them so much, but her head has gone a little screwy in her old age and she forgets to feed them and take them to the vet and stuff, so I do it for her. Caring for cats is expensive, so I take care of them and Mrs. O'Toole gives me cable and these mysterious baked goods which I think are cookies," she paused for a minute and nodded, "I throw those out."

Jeff smiled and shook his head, "What happened? You used to have real cable."

"Well, when I got fired from that diner and I was really close to getting evicted, like really close. I convinced my landlord to not evict me, and found another waitressing job. So, here I am now, stealing cable form my neighbor," she laughed as she buried her face into Jeff's arm.

"Britta, almost getting evicted is not something to laugh about."

"I, I know. I'm just laughing about how I got fired. This new job sucks just as much as the last one though."

"Why are you a waitress? Isn't most of your pay tips?"

"Yeah...and your point is," Britta asked oblivious to what Jeff was implying.

"Never mind."

"She gets Showtime!" Britta said with a goofy smile, "I know you like that show about those sexy vampires. We just have to find the channel."

"Well, at least you can watch _Dexter_."

"What's _Dexter_?"

"Its a show on Showtime."

"Oh, well like, I'm usually too lazy to change it past this and CNN."

"You would be,"Jeff laughed before he took a sip of his drink.

He turned his head over to Britta, who sat on the couch. He looked over at her, her face clean from make-up and her wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. Her hair was unkept in that 'Britta didn't style her hair way,' the way she was after her hair air-dried from a shower or when she woke up in the morning. He smiled at her and slowly moved his hand in front of her face. Britta's eyes stopped concentrating on the TV and shifted towards his hand, her eyes widening as she watched his hand move and push her hair back away from her face. Britta didn't flinch and she didn't curse him out. Jeff leaned over and was about to kiss her. She put her hand on his chest gently in opposition and shook her head.

"Really?" she asked with a gentle tone and smiled, "Do you have no shame?"

"You're right, I'm sorry," Jeff lowered his head, "I'm a complete ass. I mean, I never even apologized to you for what I said."

"I was acting childish and as much as it pains for me to say it, it really doesn't matter if you think or said Thom Yorke sucks at playing the guitar."

"Despite that...I never should have said what I did and I think we both know that the argument wasn't really about Thom Yorke's guitar playing."

"Thom is the lead singer and lets Johnny play for a reason. The things I said to you were just as horrible and it doesn't matter what the argument was really about," Britta looked down into her glass of scotch, "Jeff, let's just forget about it. Okay? The entire night the entire thing."

He struggled a nod and began watching the TV again. "Why aren't you mad?" He asked.

She tilted her head, "I thought we agreed to not mention it again."

"One last question?"

"Fine...because," Britta looked down and mumbled in her shy voice, "no matter what you say, I will always know the truth. Our timing just sucks, Jeff and it probably always will."

Jeff didn't understand what she meant, but he nodded anyway. Someday, he would find out the truth, it was just going to take a while.

They both fell asleep on the couch. Jeff woke up the next morning with Britta's head resting on his lap and decided to leave before gently replacing his lap with a pillow. Crouching down, so he was eye-level with her, he observed her sleeping. He gently brushed her hair away from her face, not knowing when the last time he would be able to do it and then left.

* * *

**A/N: So the next chapter will probably be the last one. **


	11. The Same as Me: Part 1

**A/N: **I based the last two chapters on some Season 4 spoilers. I don't think I'm gonna predict the future, but just a warning. These last two chapters also ended up coming out more like an epilogue. Also, thanks for any reviews/follows/favorites.

* * *

_"People use each other, Jeff. It doesn't mean that there aren't good feelings that go along with it." - Pierce Hawthorne."Competitive Wine Tasting."_

* * *

**Around 8 Months Later, Late December 2012 **

"Yes, Britta. Just how you also liked The Shins before you saw _Garden State_," Jeff taunted as he walked through the outrageously decorated yet politically correct, holiday themed library with Britta to the study room.

"Ouch, that hurt," she replied with sarcasm, "I wonder how many hipster insults you can fire at me today? And I've never seen _Garden State_, but I'm sure you're the kind of douche who tells hipster girls who flock to The Red Door, that its his favorite movie just to get laid."

"Its L Street and I'm not the one who listens to NPR, yet claims to be an anarchist and voted for Gary Johnson."

"I don't believe in voting. The Electoral College decides everything anyway. Voting is there just to please the masses and the only reason I did vote this year was so Colorado would legalize marijuana."

"Britta, we live in a swing state, where voting actually does matter," Jeff paused outside of the study room and looked down at Britta as he tilted his head, "And your hero Noam Chumsky endorsed Jill Stein."

"Shut up," she replied in a horrible attempt to hide how she became confused about which candidate she wanted to vote for, "Since when do you care about voting? The only reason you did vote was because Annie conned you into it with _another_ misleading text message," Britta then walked into the room first.

Jeff responded as he took his seat, "I don't care, I just happen to enjoy pointing out your hypocrisies to the world."

Everyone groaned as Jeff and Britta sat down.

"Really?" Troy asked with his palms up in the air.

"What?" Jeff shrugged.

"Bickering is like foreplay for you two and I would really appreciate if you stopped it," Troy replied as he winced.

Britta moved over to Abed's empty seat and took Troy's hand, "It doesn't mean anything. Don't be upset, even though jealousy is a cute look for you."

Troy smiled back and nodded, "You're right, I'm sorry," he pecked her on the lips. Britta returned to her normal seat as Troy narrowed his eyes at Jeff.

"Where's Abed" Shirley asked.

"He's probably been detained at Gitmo," Pierce said, "Like that movie with that guy from that show that Steven Fry's comedy partner was on."

"Pierce? What. The. Hell?" Britta angrily asked and then added, "You can't say that, Its racist and not to mention the atrocities that are happening there. I mean the President promised he would close that plac-"

"Ugggghhh," everyone interrupted.

"Bab-" Troy was about to call Britta 'baby,' but she narrowed her eyes at him. He caught himself, "I mean Brit-ta, please try to get to your point."

Before Britta could respond, Jeff jumped in the conversation, "Pierce, cut it with the racist comments. You've been even more overtly racist ever since you cut back on the equally offensive gay remarks," he said as he played Bejeweled on his Blackberry.

Pierce looked down at his notebook and mumbled, "I'm sorry."

"So, is Abed sick?" Shirley asked, looking over at Annie and then at Troy

"I was waiting for him to call or text me," Annie said as she looked at her phone, "But he never did. I haven't seen him since last night. He left before me and Troy woke up."

"_And so, Annie waits, Annie waits, Annie waits_," Britta started to randomly sing to herself quietly as she looked in her notebook.

"_For a call_." Jeff nonchalantly replied in a monotone voice on impulse.

"_From a friend_," Britta immediately responded as she looked at her fingernails.

"_The same_." Jeff replied in a monotone voice without looking up from his phone.

"What are they doing?" Troy interrupted.

"They're singing some gay song," Pierce replied, receiving a reprimanding look from Britta and Jeff.

"I thought we banned Britta from singing?" Shirley asked.

"Its my last week of classes at this sad excuse for a school, so Britta is allowed to sing," Jeff said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"There should never be an excuse for Brittles to sing, even if its because Jeff is graduating early," Pierce commented.

Britta smiled at Jeff and replied, "Thank you,_ Jeff_"

"That's nice and all, but like what was_ that_," Annie asked, pointing her finger back and forth between Jeff and Britta as her eyes widened.

"Ben Folds?" Jeff replied as he shrugs.

"Yeah, do you guys like not know who Ben Folds is?" Britta asked.

Everyone shook their heads.

"Aww come on really?" Jeff said as he and Britta looked at each other and tilted their heads.

"He's no Radiohead, but he was like really awesome in the nineties." Britta said.

"You guys were born too late to appreciate good music." Jeff said, "Although, Annie he did do a cover of a Kesha song. I think its called 'Sleazy.'"

Annie crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at Jeff.

"Oh! I've seen that! Hearing him a say, 'circle jerk,' was the greatest thing ever," Britta laughed, while Jeff raised his hand towards her as an indication for a high five, to which she responded.

"Let me see if I can find it on Youtube," Jeff said as he typed away on his blackberry.

"He's the guy who sings the soundtrack in_ Over the Hedge_, Troy," Abed commented as he walked into the room, "And Shirley, he's that guy who sang that song about taking his girlfriend to an abortion, its called 'Brick.'"

"I still don't understand either of those references or who this Bed Fold guy is," Pierce said.

Shirley nodded in understanding, "I remember now. My church boycotted that song."

"Oh, that dude," Troy nodded, "I like that movie. Mostly because the squirrel is cute and cute squirrels remind me of Britta and Halloween, which are two of my three favorite things."

"Awww," Annie and Shirley gushed, while Jeff rolled his eyes.

Britta smiled back at Troy, "Thanks, Troy you always say the sweetest things about me. I'm guessing Abed is the third one?"

"Of course," Troy replied and received a handshake from Abed.

Britta directed her attention to Jeff, "I'm sure you can relate to his songs, Jeff."

"Probably as well as you relate to Thom York's song about child labor"

Britta's mouth dropped open and she narrowed her eyes at him.

"Haha, I'm sure everyone who was ten in the year 2000, will understand this entire conversation,"Troy responded sarcastically with a forced smile.

"I almost forgot! Abed, you were supposed to call me!" Annie scolded him with a smile.

"Sorry, I got preoccupied."

"I need to know the groceries you want me to pick up after work."

"I'll just go with you."

Annie nodded and began to get up, indicating it being time to go to Biology. Soon the rest of the study group followed. Jeff walked with Annie who was leading the group, but looked back and saw Britta and Troy holding hands. He allowed himself a small scowl before turning his attention to his Blackberry.

"I found it! Want to see a real musical artist turn a crap song into brilliance?" Jeff looked over at Annie, who had her arms crossed as they walked to history.

"Not particularly," she said with a dignified tone, "I don't appreciate you and Britta demeaning the music I listen to. I mean you two listen to music/bands that A. No one has ever heard of, like I mean who the hell is State Radio, or B. Came out fifteen or twenty years ago."

* * *

That bastard, Britta thought as she sat in the back of the history classroom with Shirley, while she stared at Jeff. He was doing it again and Britta naturally assumed it was to rattle her, especially after what happened a couple weeks ago after the Sadie Hawkins Dance. He was doing it on purpose, to fluster her, to bother the living hell out of her. The smug look on his face said it all. It was his hair of course. Yes, it looked good when he spiked it up with obscene amounts of hair gel, but this got her and he knew it. He was parting it in...that way again. The way he parted it sometimes when they were together. The way it made him look like Thom Yorke, well Thom Yorke when his hair was short and spiky, and his bangs fell across his forehead. Like Thom had it in 2011. She couldn't stand it then and it still got her to this day. Then, of course, he purposely kept stubble instead of being clean shaven, she loved his stubble. It just made him look sexier and rugged. Why did he always have to make it so easy for her to hate and wan't him at the same time?

Jeff looked over at Britta, who quickly turned away and began pretending to take notes.

After allowing himself a smirk, Jeff knew that she still felt something. Yes, at first they used each other, for sex, for pleasure, for company. Because yes, they were lonely then, but something happened. After years of closing himself off, after years of hiding his vulnerability, he opened up to her. The emotional toll it took on them that day, the day he re-connected with his father, forever changed how Britta Perry thought of Jeff Winger. Showing the depth of his true character, allowed her to connect with him in a way she never had done before, with anyone.

* * *

After history class, everyone poured out of the classroom and into the hallway.

Annie turned to Abed with a smile and said, "I have to go to my internship. Abed I'll pick you up here later okay? Then we'll go to the store."

Abed nodded and gave her a thumbs up.

"Hey, Abed!" Troy exclaimed, "My class was cancelled, do you want to go see the _The Hobbit_, again?"

"Definitely, but when its over you have to drop me off back here. I told Annie I would go to the store with her."

"Deal," Troy nodded, "Britta, are you gonna come?

"I think seeing _The Hobbit,_ three times is enough for me. I'll see you later, okay?" Britta responded with a forced smile. Troy nodded and pecked her on the lips goodbye.

"Remember, Batman Night tonight," Abed pointed at Jeff before walking away.

"I know. Abed, you texted me like five times about it," Jeff yelled down the hallway.

Jeff and Britta were left in the hallway alone. They began to walk towards the cafeteria.

"So, Mrs. Robinson, hows babysitting going? I wasn't aware of how much you liked Peter Jackson's films, let alone knew what a hobbit was," Jeff deadpanned.

"Real funny, Humbert. Hows seducing Annie coming along? Not well from what I hear."

"Annie is twenty-two years old, so the _Lolita_ reference is completely uncalled for and I am not trying to seduce her. I'm still trying to be nice and apologize for what I put her through for the past month and because of the fact that I think she is going through an existential crisis...I mean have you seen her hair?"

"I like her hair better this way..." Britta replied before she suddenly asked, "Why do we do this?"

"Do what?"

"Bicker, bicker, bicker. What are we trying to prove?"

"You've really lost your edge ever since this whole Troy thing."

"I have not!"

"You have. Every time I'm close to winning, you always concede."

"I never let you win and I don't concede."

"You did once."

Britta stopped and looked up at Jeff, "Nobody won that day...I'm going to go home and be alone before Troy comes over, before Batman Night."

"You're hanging out with Troy tonight, before?"

"Yeah, like I do practically every night," Britta sighed as she shrugged.

"Trouble in paradise?"

"No, everything is going fine, I think. I'm just not used to a guy who wants to hang out all the time like this. Not to mention he has been acting very strange this week."

"Strange how? Your boyfriend is a grown man who runs around in his pajamas while talking in a British accent."

"I don't know how to explain it. Also, British accents are a lot harder to pull off than people realize and he hasn't been doing it that much anymore."

"Fine, I'll stop asking you about it," Jeff nodded in understanding.

"Thanks, I'm gonna go. Cya tomorrow, Jeff. Enjoy your last week of being away from the real world," Britta waved to him as she turned around and left. She walked away from Jeff with a frown, leaving the building and walking out to the parking lot. After putting her sunglasses on and opening her car door, she began to think about how Jeff wanted to graduate early. Then, the memory from Halloween 2011 came back to her.

_"Holy shit, what the fuck happened last night?" Britta groaned as she sat up in Jeff's bed and looked at the clock, it read 4:00 pm. _

_Jeff replied, with his face buried in a pillow,"Well, we were roofied, again, at the Dean's stupid Halloween Dance. Then, you and I decided to get drunk in the parking lot afterward because we already felt like shit and thought we would feel less like shit. We didn't by the way. Then we wen't to Denny's and somehow ended up here."_

_"There is no way in hell we are going to that dance again." _

_"I know, only at Greendale. We should have just stayed in the study room and figured out who the psychopath is. My money is still on Pierce." _

_"What about Annie's comments about slitting our throats with scissors," she looked around the room and realized, "Great and now I get to take the bus while wearing a bunny costume." _

_Jeff replied, "Says the woman who carries around a nine inch knife." _

_"Its for my protection," Britta defended. _

_"I would drive you home, but I'm pretty sure my car is still at Greendale. Also, its really dumb that you insist on wearing spandex underneath those stupid costumes and why did you choose a rabbit?" _

_"It gets hot, spandex absorbs sweats and its technically an Easter costume, so it was cheaper to rent this year." _

_Jeff laughed as he got out of bed and began to rummage through his closet. _

_"Here," he threw Britta an old pair of her grey jeans and one of her old tank tops, "You can wear these, they were in the back of my closet." _

_"I been looking for these pants!" Britta exclaimed, "What else in there?" She covered herself with a blanket and creeped towards his closet to look inside._

_"Nothing, you don't need to look into my closet. I think we know how I feel about that." _

_Britta rolled her eyes and looked in anyway, "Umm, I see my missing winter hat, my State Radio t-shirt, a pair of my high heels," She turned to him and smirked, "and I know those are mine because of the scuff on the right toe." _

_"Well, you never came back to get them," Jeff shrugged. _

_She picked up the State Radio shirt and smelled it, "Eww, you haven't washed this since the after the camping trip last year, have you?" _

_"Its not mine to wash." _

_"Give me a white t-shirt." _

_"Do you know how much my undershirts cost?" _

_"No and I don't care. Its too cold for just a tank top. I'll return it." _

_"Fine," Jeff dug through his drawer while Britta put her jeans on. He threw her the t-shirt. _

_"Thanks," she caught it and put it on over her tank top, "So, like, we're in agreement that this can't happen again right?" _

_"Definitely," Jeff nodded._

* * *

Later that night, everyone wen't over to Abed, Troy and Annie's to have a Batman night. Shirley and Pierce only made it though_ Batman Begins. _Shirley left because she had to get home to her kids, while Pierce began to get sleepy. Then, Britta did something strange in the middle of _Dark Knight_.

"I'm sorry, I have to go," she said as the Joker called Batman on the phone, telling him where Rachel was.

"Um, why?" Troy asked, usually Britta stayed the night.

"I don't feel well. I think it was something I ate for lunch," she got up off the couch to grab her bag and coat and stood in front of them.

"But like one of the best parts is about to happen," Troy said.

"Boo," Abed said in a monotone voice, his vision not leaving the screen, causing Annie to giggle.

Jeff threw some popcorn at her, causing Britta to narrow her eyes at him.

"What?" Jeff shrugged, "You are about to leave at one of the best parts."

"Whatever," Britta rolled her eyes as she shook the popcorn out of her hair and left the apartment.

"That was strange,"Jeff commented.

Annie, who was sitting between him and Abed looked over at Jeff and said, "I know, right?"

"She's been acting weird lately," Troy commented.

"Britta always acts weird," Abed responded without taking his eyes away fro the television screen, "remember when she tried to sing Brittany Spears? Or when we found her in the red light district of the 2010 blanket fort?"

"Yeah," Troy sighed.

When _The Dark Knight_ ended, Jeff looked at his watched and said, "I'm gonna go home. I need to get in my eight hours."

"Someone, follow Jeff out and take that brick out from the door," Annie said as she put in the next Blueray disk.

"What? There is no brick propping up the door," Troy said unconvincingly.

"I know you always put it there so Britta can get in and out of the building," Annie replied.

"I'll get the brick," Abed said before following Jeff out of the apartment.

* * *

Troy and Annie sat alone on the couch, waiting for Abed to come back from getting the brick from the door.

"Annie, if you truly care about someone, you should like do everything in your power to make them happy right?"

"Of course, I mean...well, yes and no," Annie crinkled her forehead, "You should do what's best for yourself, but what you may want is not necessarily best for yourself or the other person...does that make sense?"

"It makes perfect sense," Troy nodded and bit his lip, "I'm gonna go in my room. I'm not feeling so well. Have fun watching_ Dark Knight Rises_." He began to get up and walk towards his room.

"Troy, are you okay?" Annie tilted her head at him.

"I'm not sure," he responded without looking back, "I just need to clear my head."

"Okay, If you want to talk again, I'll be right out here."

"Thanks, Annie."

* * *

Abed looked at Jeff after they walked down the stairs, pausing in front of the door.

"Jeff, why has Britta been acting strangely ever since the Sadie Hawkins Dance?" Abed asked, like he already knew the answer to the question.

"You probably already know don't you?" Jeff replied with a condescending tone.

"Yeah, assuming by your hair style and the way Britta was staring at you in class yesterday, you and Britta kissed after the Sadie Hawkins Dance. I'm guessing it was a shut-up kiss."

"You are creepy, I hope you know that...Troy doesn't know does he? It will kill her. It was all my fault, not hers." Jeff admitted as he facepalmed in regret.

"He doesn't know," Abed replied, "Until now it was something I only speculated. He can't know, it would break the group."

"Obviously," Jeff said, "I can't believe I did that. I mean it was only a couple weeks after Thanksgiving and Britta helped me re-connect with my father. Then before that,like eight months ago, there was the whole Annie issue after the engagement party. I, I don't know what came over me."

"You missed her," Abed nodded, "Its like when Sam and Diane broke up after Season 2 just like how you and Britta did-"

"Abed, we weren't officially together in sea- wait, please don't tell me you refer to years as 'seasons'?"

"We're not discussing that at this time. What I'm trying to say is, that they broke up after Season 2, but they kept going back to each other. Just like J.D. and Elloit and just like you and Britta do."

Jeff sighed, "We are not Sam and Diane, or J.D and Elloit, hell we aren't even a Jerry and Elaine. We are two messed up, real-life people, who will never be able to have a stable, normal relationship with one another, or perhaps anyone for that matter.

Abed stared at him for a moment, then stated, "Jeff, I know why you cared so much."

"Cared about what?"

"What Blade's secret was."

"And why did I?"

"Its because of how you feel about Britta."

"And how is that?" Jeff began to get frustrated, his voice became harsher.

"You want her to love you to the point where she can't live without you."

"That's not it, Abed,"

"Let me rephrase that. You're afraid she'll leave, its the uncertainty of her character that scares you. If she becomes enamored with you, then you'll have the upper hand. She won't leave you if she feels that way. Britta is the only person who doesn't fall for the Winger charm."

Jeff remained silent before shaking his head, "It will never work. Our disfunction will devour us."

"Maybe, it will. Maybe, it won't. I mean the chances of Ross and Rachel or Maddie and David or even The Riccardos staying together after the series finale was slim. But its worth a try, even if it ends with you leaving her by herself on a plane to California someday."

"I think you just referenced like five different shows, but you do have a point. Also, Ricky was totally banging some of those dancers behind Lucy's back."

"I mean its like with Carrie and Mr. Big-"

"Abed," Jeff interrupted, "Really? _Sex and the City_?"

"Annie watches it on E! all the time," Abed replied.

"You are not comparing my life to _Sex and the City_," Jeff said.

"Fine, but you did find out Blade's secret," Abed declared.

"And?"

"So, if Blade got Britta to become enamored with him by treating her like crap and being emotionally unavailable, then wouldn't Britta be obsessed with you too?"

"But she isn't. She's with Troy now."

"I know, but you missed the point. It means you didn't treat her badly."

"It doesn't matter Troy is a better guy than me. If there is anyone who deserves him its her. Britta needs someone who will treat her well."

"I'm just saying that maybe its what you need. Think about your ego and how you behave. She knows when to bring you down and when to build you up."

Jeff paused and said, "Abed, just please stay out of it."

"You are scared," Abed stated.

"I am," Jeff admitted. He paused and itched the back of his head, "Its because Britta was rejected her whole life, rejected by her family, rejected by most of her friends, her first boyfriend. That's why she is so guarded and then, then I rejected her and it, it fucked things up. It ruined us. I, I failed, Abed. I failed as the hero of your story. She will never accept me again. She will never let her guard down for me again."

"Jeff, aren't you afraid of the same thing?" Abed asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You were rejected too, by your dad. Therefore you reject people and emotional attachment out of fear. First you rejected the Study Group, at the beginning of your relationship with Slater you were afraid to fully commit, then you rejected Britta. Before Greendale, you rejected the rules, disregarded the feelings of others. You were afraid Britta wouldn't stay with you. Her spotty record for staying in one place for longer than two years frightens you. She could be gone at any moment.

Abed continued,"That's why Annie appealed to you that night, it wasn't just your UST from the debate kiss. Annie came back, she was going to leave, but she came back. You took comfort in the fact that she wasn't going to leave. Annie plans, Annie wasn't going to Delaware and deep down, you knew that it could have been Britta who left. She dated Vaughn too, but she doesn't plan, she's impulsive. If she was still with Vaughn, Britta would have left, not just for the summer, but forever. That's why you stayed distant, FWB, because you knew knew once you let her in, it would be devastating to wake up one morning and find her gone forever. You kissed Annie because you knew she would never break your heart like Britta would."

"Maybe, I am afraid of rejection, but I'm not the only one," Jeff tilted his head at Abed.

"Well, yes Britta is af-" Abed began.

"No," Jeff interrupted, "what I mean is, I've been watching _Friends_, and it seems to me Ross spent a good chunk of season 1 scared of Rachel because he was too afraid to tell her his feelings for her. Because he built her up to this mythical thing that he wasn't deserving of, but he was. He was the one who deserved her the most."

"For once I'm missing the parallel here."

"Go for it Abed, I'm not gonna prevent this, don't drag this out into _X-Files_ territory. I'm not the hero of this story. In your story, I'm the supporting hero. She's the Daphne to your Niles, the Monic to your Chandler, and I know this one is a stretch, but I don't watch a lot of TV these days, but the Amy to your Sheldon. "

"That is a stretch, Jeff. Also, you are messing up tropes and references. None of those couples have much in common, besides getting together later in the series. Also, I'm a Pheobe, not a Chandler. What are you insinuating?" Abed asked.

"Don't play dumb with me. Just because I'm on my Blackberry like 90% of the time doesn't mean I don't see what everyone is doing or reacting to things. Did you know she spent all morning checking her cell phone to see if you texted her? And I don't think it was because groceries were her main concern. Go for it Abed. She want's you. She doesn't want a character. It doesn't matter who your 'character archetype' is, this isn't some TV show. I mean maybe Joey had feelings for Pheobe, but it never happened because the writers didn't materialize it competely... I mean, well, I guess what I'm trying to tell you, is that there is no writer teling you what to do or how to feel, there is only yourself. Just do it."

Jeff left Abed at the door to the apartment building. As he walked throught he parking lot to his car, he thought about what happened after the Sadie Hawkins Dance.

_After the horrible ordeal that turned out to be the Sadie Hawkins Dance, Jeff couldn't show his face in the parking lot, otherwise he would risk the mob of angry lesbians from Britta's Sophie B. Hawkins dance rioting and reportedly turning over cars. He screwed up, like he always did and he hurt Annie, like he always did. He needed a place to hide, to weather this out. Jeff decided to go to the football field and wait in the scorekeeper booth, no one would be there and he could turn the heat on. Walking across the field he saw an illuminating flash in the distance. As he walked closer, he saw it was Britta. She was lighting up a bowl as she laid down with her head on her backpack, listening to her Walkman. _

_"I know Colorado legalized this and all, but you do know we aren't supposed to be doing this on school property and it will be a year until the law takes into effect," He sarcastically said before laying down next to her. _

_She pulled her headphones off her ears, letting them hang around her neck, "I would be doing this in the comfort of my own apartment, but I've seemed to have created a mess as usual and cannot go into the parking lot because a mob of angry people are staking out my car. Therefore, I am hiding out here the the freezing cold." _

_"Where's Troy? Jeff looked over at her. _

_"He got really bored around nine, so I let him go home and play X-Box. What business do you have out here, anyway? Meeting that girl to screw in the scorekeeper's box because she's too classy and Zooey Depaneal like for the backseat of your Lexus."_

_"I only save the backseat of my Lexus for the special ones," Jeff joked, "No, I screwed up. I briitta'd this, I britta'd this in a way that no one can recover from." _

_"What did you do?" she sighed. _

_"Annie made me choose. She gave me a long speech about how she was only a year younger than my date and then she wen't on this huge tangent about the age difference between you and Troy. I told her I couldn't choose and then walked away." _

_"Dear God, Jeff," Britta rolled her eyes, "Here," she offered him a hit from her bowl. _

_He looked over at her and put his hand up in defiance, "No thank you, I haven't touched that stuff since the last time you convinced me, almost two years ago. The night we listened to Oasis and you spent like the entire time complaining how I refused to listen to Radiohead. Also, I'm pretty sure I ate like two whole pizzas. My cholesterol can't take that again."_

_"Before we say anything further lets just get this straight, could I live without Oasis? Yes, essentially they are a less awesome version of The Beatles, but could I live without Radiohead? Of course not. Also, you're such a girl," she sighed and shivered, "...Wanna go into the scorekeepers booth, turn on the heat and listen to Oasis? We have your Ipod." _

_"I will gladly go wherever the heat is. As long as we don't listen to 'Wonderwall'. That song was ruined by fourteen year old girls on Tumblr," Jeff said as he got up and offered his hand to Britta._

_"Oh, God," Britta said. She grabbed his hand and he helped her up, "I was like fourteen when that song came out and now fourteen years old girls are putting it up on Tumblieber."_

_He looked over at her and smiled, "I can't even count how many times we heard that song when we were stalking Chang's pre-teen army on social networking sites." _

_"Saying it like that makes us sound creepy," she laughed, "anyway, I can't listen to Liam's version anymore. Not ever since I heard Noel's. His voice is like epic and because wrote the song, he puts like the true emotion into it." _

_"Are you kidding me? Liam has a better voice than Noel." _

_"I don't know what is wrong with your ears, Jeff, but Noel is clearly the better singer and all around musician. He also wrote like all their songs and played the guitar. He was the soul of Oasis. Also, I mean like what instrument did Liam play? The tambourine?" _

_"Liam has the attitude that a frontman requir-" Jeff began as he tried to open the door, "Its locked. Great, we are gonna freeze out here waiting for that mob of angry people to stop." _

_"Get out of the way," Britta pushed him aside and knelt down. She took out a knife from her boot, and a bobby pin from her hair, then began to pick the lock. In less than a minute the door opened, Jeff's mouth dropped open. She looked up at him with a smirk as she walked into the scorekeeper's booth and said, "Simple cylinder lock." _

_He leaned in the doorway and watched her sit in one of the swirly computer chairs, "Is it sick that you hiding a knife in your shoe turns me on?" _

_"Don't go there," she replied and turned the chair around towards the sound system, "Now how do we hook up your Ipod on here?" _

_Jeff closed the door, turned the space heater on and sat down next to her in the other chair. After observing the sound system before him, he cursed, "Damn it! Only at Greendale would they have a shitty cassette thing instead of something they use in modern times." _

_Britta turned her chair towards him and said, "Well, its a good thing you are here with one of the only five people in the Greendale area who still listen to 90s music on cassettes." _

_She dug through her bag and handed him the cassette._

_He laughed and replied, "You would. How many cassettes do you have in there?"_

_"I don't know. I was listening to my Walkman before you found me." _

_He put in the cassette and said, "Let's listen to 'Whatever,'" _

_"No, that Coke commercial ruined that song for me," Britta scoffed. _

_"How about 'Live Forever'?" Jeff asked. _

_"Hell, yeah! The most underrated Oasis song ever," Britta replied titling her head and handed him the Definitely Maybe cassette. _

_"Exactly," Jeff tilted his head back at her and reached for it, "Its like people think there are only two Oasis songs these days." _

_"I know, I mean yeah 'Champagne Supernova' is like okay, but it doesn't deserve the recognition."_

_He put the cassette in and was about to press play. _

_"Wait," Britta sat forward and put her palms up in defiance, "before you press play..." _

_"Yes?" Jeff asked, rolling his eyes. _

_"I just, I need to tell you something." _

_"Yeah?" he asked with a gulp. _

_"Alright," she gave him a serious look and leaned forward, whispering in his ear, "Noel's acoustic version is better." She leaned back into her seat and gave him a smug smile. _

_Jeff closed his eyes and replied, "I'm pressing play now, but only because we are about to hear the pure greatness of Liam's voice." _

_After the first verse, Jeff commented, "See, Liam's sound is a rock and roll voice. Noel's sounds like he is going to sing Neil Diamond." _

_"That's it!" Britta yelled and stuck out her hand, "Give me your phone so I can find Noel's version on Youtube." _

_"Do it on your own phone," Jeff replied, clutching his phone towards his chest, "Can't we stop arguing and actually listen to the music?"_

_"Not if you're wrong and besides I cant go on Youtube on my phone, it overheats and dies," she reached over for his phone, but he pulled it away and held it up in the air. Britta narrowed her eyes at him, "Jeff, give me your phone." _

_"Not gonna happen," he shook his head, still holding the phone out of her reach. _

_"Come on!" Britta kneeled on her swivel chair and reached for the phone. Jeff moved it away from her reach again, "Stop being an ass! I'm not gonna read any of the sexy text messages you send to you hipster conquests...like I would want to." _

_Jeff pursed his lips as Britta tried to snatch the phone out of his hand. He moved it away from her again and she fell on his lap. _

_"Britta, what the hell? Are you twelve?"_

_Ignoring his comment, she climbed up on top of him and sat on his lap. She grabbed his wrist with her hand and pried the phone out of his grip with her other hand. With their faces inches apart, she looked at him dead in the eyes imposing an intense stare and said, "I. Won...Now, would you try to be attentive for once and allow me to-"_

_Before she could finish the sentence, he kissed her. She lost control of herself and cradled his face with her hands, still grasping his phone as his hands became tangled in her hair. Her life seemed to stop, nothing seemed to matter. It was like they were on Jeff's couch again. For the first time in her life, Britta Perry had won. Troy was temporarily gone from her mind and she forgot that Jeff just turned Annie down, because if she did realize this, she would have stopped the kiss. As Jeff began to pull her shirt up, reality seeped in. She pulled away from him, her eyes wide, her face mortified. She winced and then shook her head, resting her forehead on his chest._

_After a pause, she managed to say in a high pitched cry, "I'm with Troy, I can't believe I just did that." Britta began to tear up, while Jeff rested his chin on top of her head. The guitar solo played in the background as they refused to look each other in the eyes. _

_"I'm sorry," Jeff uttered. _

_"For what? I could have stopped you if I wanted to. I'm just as much to blame," She asked, as she attempted to avoid shedding a tear in front of him. She never cried in front of him, there was only that time almost a year ago and then again on Thanksgiving. _

_"For rejecting you at the Transfer Dance." _

_Britta closed her eyes and shook her head, "No, you are not doing this to me. For the first time in my life everything is going well. You are not bringing chaos into it... I didn't love you then. I said it just so I could win."_

_She slide off his lap and grabbed her bag. The darkness of the booth made him look like an outline in his chair. She walked closer to him. She blocked out the sound of the music, for her the only noise being the drone of the space heater, and handed him his phone, "Just be with her, Jeff. She'll love you in a way that I'll never be able to." _

_"That's the exact reason why I don't want to be with her. Because she doesn't understand me the way you do. There is no other person who could have helped me re-connect with my father, and you scare me, Britta, but its a good fear, not a bad fear. I'm transparent to you. Its like you just know. You know when I lie, you know when I'm wrong. You'll call me out on it, but you don't force me to do anything. You let me make my own choice." _

_"But here's the thing Jeff, you need to make a fucking choice for once! Maybe that's why you keep repeating your mistakes...Turn that stupid thing off! I can't think!" _

_Jeff turned the music off and looked at her. _

_She began again, with a quieter voice, "Isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result? Well, you just did the same thing again, Jeff. You didn't want to make a choice, so you wen't for the Dark Horse option three again and look at the results." _

_"But these results are different. You just rejected me, Annie didn't." _

_She paused for a moment, to make a mental note, to think carefully about what she was going to say before arguing with a lawyer again, but then she discovered her point. _

_"I mean us doing this and doing what we alway end up doing...I'm not arguing about things anymore. I no longer see the point and I don't care if I lose, because I would rather lose an argument with you than lose Troy." _

_She began to walk out of the scorekeeper's booth. _

_He yelled back, "We argue because we care. We care about this and if we didn't fight then it wouldn't mean anything." _

_She stopped dead in her tracks. _

_"You know, Britta. You know we are just scared." _

_Britta continued walking, but stopped at the door, turned around and faced him. "Never again, Jeff. We are never being in a room alone together again," she began walking away again, slamming the door and left him alone in the scorekeeper's booth. _


	12. The Same as Me: Part 2

**A/N:** I posted Chapter 11 and Chapter 12 at the same time. So make sure that you've read Ch. 11 first, otherwise Ch. 12 will make no sense. Also, like I said before in Ch. 11, this chapter may allude to some Season 4 spoilers.

* * *

_"Much like myself, the Dreamatorium has higher functions," Abed Nadir, "Virtual Systems Analysis."_

* * *

When Abed came back from his talk with Jeff in the stairwell, he noticed that Troy was in his room, alone. This was an occurrence that hardly ever happened, especially on Batman Night, but Abed had a theory as to, why Troy was in his room. He sat down next to Annie on the couch, receiving a smile from her before she started the movie.

As the movie wen't on, Annie ate popcorn. The film reached the part where Batman was fighting Bane in the sewers. She popped pieces of popcorn into her mouth as with intense focus on the movie. Soon, her hand reached for more popcorn in the bowl, but it just grabbed air. She looked down into the bowl and saw that it was empty. Her eyes traced up from the bowl and onto Abed, who wasn't paying attention to the television at all. He was staring at her.

Cautiously, Abed moved his hand on top of hers, which drew a small smile on Annie's face. They held hands occasionally, so to Annie this was nothing out of the ordinary. However, then he took her hand, lacing his fingers in hers. As much as this shocked her, she didn't say a word, even as he brought her hand towards his lips and gently pecked each one of knuckles without taking his intense stare away from her. Then, he slowly guided her hand towards his chest and laid it out flat across, over his heart.

Annie felt the intense beating of his heart, it was racing. She knew what he was trying to tell her, he was referring to the night of Britta's ex-boyfriend's engagement party.

"I could reference something right now, but that would derail the meaning of this." Abed gestured his head towards her hand over his heart and deadpanned, "It never did that before you, Annie."

She bit her lip as she gave him a beaming smile. While nodding she looked down and took his other hand and put it over her heart, so he could feel her heartbeat. She looked at his hand over her chest and then up at him again, staring into his eyes.

"Only for you," she whispered, "Not for Don Draper, not for Han Solo, and not for Jeff. Just you. Abed, you are the only reason I want my heart to feel like its going to burst out of my chest."

Abed leaned in and was about to kiss her, but Troy bombarded out of his room. Abed immediately got up off the couch and asked, "Troy, whats wrong?"

"I've just had a lot to think about lately," he paused for a moment and looked towards the front door, "I, I just need to go talk to Britta."

Troy ran out the door and left.

Annie got up from the couch and asked Abed, "What was that all about? He was acting weird earlier too."

"He found it..." Abed nodded, "He found the saved phone message."

"What phone message?"

"Jeff's infamous drunk dial to Britta he cant remember. She saved it, after all this time."

"She saved it? But Jeff can't remember what he said on it?"

"Yep. I read that she saved it in her psych file," Abed turned to Annie, "Only two people, well now three know whats on it, Britta, me and now Troy. I think he found it a week or so ago"

"A week or so ago?" Annie gasped as her mouth dropped open. She shook her head, blinking rapidly, "How do you know whats on it?"

"I didn't blackout that night," Abed stated in a matter of fact tone.

"Why haven't you told Jeff what he said?" Annie's volume rose slightly, indicating her frustration, "Its been three years for God's sake."

"Its not up for me to tell him, its up to Britta to. Also, somewhere inside himself, he remembers what he said."

"Abed! What. The. Hell? Its obvious that he loves her, but he thinks she doesn't love him back! I mean have you seen how he looks at her and Troy together? Go and tell him what he said before he graduates early," Annie pointed at the front door to the apartment.

"I just told you, I cant. Its up for Britta to decide that. Its important for her to tell him."

"But, but," She began to tilt her head and flutter her eyelashes.

Abed looked down and said in a monotone voice,"You're not manipulating me into doing it."

"I'm not trying to manipulate you! I can't believe you would insinuate that," she shook her head and wen't into her room, slamming the door.

When the door was shut, Annie turned around and leaned her back against it and slid down to the floor. As she sat on the floor, she reached up to her bookcase and put her I-home on. Abed knew to not bother her when music was playing. She leaned back and rested her head on the door, closing her eyes. A strange crash noise was heard through the wall, from Abed's room. He was probably using his makeshift Dreamatorium. Annie knew he had it, but she pretended not to. Lately, especially late at night, she could hear him through the walls, saying things about 'other timelines.' Despite this and him being "preoccupied," by the Dreamatorium concerning her, she missed the Dreamatorium, as much as she hated to admit it. Especially after what happened this summer.

_"Geneva! Where is the quantum spanner?" Abed asked, Annie. To both of them, the Dreamatorium appeared to be the interior of the HMS Spacetime 7. _

_"Blast! Inspector, its broken! " Annie gave him a panicked look, her forehead crinkled and her his wide, with fear._

_"Broken?" Abed tilted his head to the right. _

_"Yes, it doesn't seem to be working, bloody 'ell" She looked down and shook her head, "what shall we do 'bout the blorgons?" _

_"I still don't see anything..." Britta complained in her normal accent, as she stood there in one of Annie's pajama nightgowns with her arms crossed, "I don't get it. What does this quoquam spaniel do and why does it look like three paper towel rolls taped together? Also, British accents are like really hard to pull off." _

_"Cease simulation," Abed said. Annie and Abed found themselves standing in the Dreamatorium. He turned to Annie, "May I speak to you outside of the Dreamatorium?" _

_Annie nodded and Abed grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the room, closing the Dreamatorium door behind him, "Annie, make your guest leave." _

_"Abed, she's having issues with Troy leaving and all." _

_"We're all having issues. Britta will be fine. Tell her to go to Jeff's and have her resolve her issues by drinking obscene amounts of alcohol with him."_

_"I am not doing that. Can't we watch a movie or something?" _

_"Annie, she has been here at least five times a week since he left. Also, I think I saw her stealing some of Troy's old clothes out of the drawers yesterday." _

_Annie tilted her head and shrugged, while whispering, "I don't think she knows what to do." _

_"I can name many things, such as; getting another job to supplement her income, finding a love interest who hasn't sold his soul to the devil, maybe she could visit Jeff for the day instead of us, she could volunteer at the animal shelter, maybe get another cat. In fact, I'll tell Jeff to meet her at the animal shelter right now," Abed reached into his pocket and was about to take his cell phone out. _

_"Abed!" Annie yelled, " No, she can stay here until she wants to leave. I live here too, she's my guest." _

_"Then you both should leave the Dreamatorium. I have some scenarios I need to run...alone." _

_"Fine then. Just don't go looking for Geneva as constable next time you need one." _

_"Don't worry, I won't." _

_Britta left the Dreamatorium and sat on the couch with Annie. They watched Sleepless in Seattle. _

_"This, like, is completely unrealistic," Britta commented, "The Empire State building my ass. I mean he's never even met her before and like how did that kid get past security? I've lived in New York before and.."_

_Annie wasn't paying attention to the film or Britta's rant. Instead she was staring at the door to the Dreamatorium. _

_"Britta?" she asked with a vacant stare._

_"Yeah?" Britta stopped her rant to ask. _

_"I'm sorry, but there is something I need to do and I have to ask you to leave, but I'll see you tomorrow? Right?" _

_"Yeah," Britta smiled weakly, "Tomorrow morning it is." _

_Annie attempted to not wince at the word "morning," she forced herself to reply with a smile, "Yup." _

_After Britta left, Annie put her Geneva outfit on and knocked on the Dreamatorium's door. _

_"Inspector, I'm sorry to intrude, but I heard you were having difficulties alone on this mission." _

_Abed opened the door and replied, "Geneva, how thoughtful of you. First and foremost I would like to apologize my behavior previously." _

_"I forgive you, otherwise I would not have thought to come. The borgons!" Annie exclaimed, "Inspector what shall we do? The bloody quantum spanner is broken." _

_"We must use the emergency escape," He grabbed her hand and ran into the Dreamatorium. _

_The ran over to the escape pod area and kneeled down, "Geneva, it doesn't look like we will make it through this." _

_"Inspector, what do you mean?" _

_"I think the blorgons have won. They have overtaken the ship. We, we aren't going to make it," he shook his head, "The emergency pod was already deployed." _

_"Oh," Annie frowned and looked down at the ground. _

_Abed grabbed her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers, he brought her hand up to his mouth and began to kiss her knuckles. Annie looked at him as she kneeled on the ground. He slowly stood up and she rose with him. They stared into each other eyes for a moment, then he caressed her face with the back of his hand, guiding it under her chin and pulled her face towards his. Suddenly, she was no longer in the ship, or wearing Geneva's outfit. She was in her pajamas in the Dreamatorium. Abed took his hat off and raised his eyebrows at her. Their lips met as he grabbed her waist tighter, pulling her body into his. Annie wrapped her arms around his neck, dropping the cardboard quantum spanner to the ground. He pulled away and put his hat back on. Then it came back. She was Geneva and he was the Inspector. A real quantum spanner sat at their feet and the blorgons overtook the ship. _

_A week later the Dreamatorium became Troy's room. _

Annie opened her eyes and sighed. She stood up from the ground and brushed off her skirt. They never talked about the 'glitch,' and whether it was actually them or if it was the Inspector and Geneva, but she still thought about it, especially with her current quarter life crisis that was happening. _Of course it was us_, she decided, _not the characters_. She started to laugh at herself and how distracted she was this entire time, how her hyper-focus on Jeff Winger didn't allow her to realize these things sooner. Abed lived on subtlety, and would probably claim how it would make the pay-off better in the 'season finale,' or something like that.

She sauntered out of her room and pretended to knock on the blanket fort's door. Abed's head poked out between two blankets hanging from the ceiling.

"Hi," Annie shrugged as she looked down at the ground, then up at him, "Can I talk to you in my room for a moment?"

"I guess so," Abed wen't behind the blanket wall for a moment and then came out, following Annie into her room. At her door, she grabbed his hand and led him to sit down next to her on her bed.

"I'm sorry about what I said earlier and I'm sorry for trying to manipulate you with my Disney face."

"Its okay," Abed nodded, "I like to think of it as the Ark of the Covenant. That way, I look away and it doesn't affect me."

Annie smiled back at him, "I just want everything to work out..."

"We all do, I don't know if it will though."

"Abed?"

He nodded back.

"I just wanted to tell you that I was really happy that you took on the Han Solo role at the paintball game two years ago instead of Jeff. Its just, I don't get it. Why did you tell me, well you know, why 'it' wasn't going to happen again?"

"Because Annie Edison is too good for her sole purpose in life to be to chase the hero. She should never be demeaned to the Chick, she focuses on her own potential, not the hero's. She is a heroine. She is too good to just be a Princess Leia. I couldn't let you sacrifice your true self and complete badassery for a man. Whether it be Don Draper, Han Solo or Jeff Winger"

She tilted her head and bit her lip, looking into his eyes, "But 'it,' kind of did happen again...It wasn't a glitch in the Dreamatorium, that time when we kissed? Was it?"

He shook his head.

Annie rested her hand on his leg, leaned in and kissed him. He grasped her waist and pulled her onto his lap.

* * *

Jeff heard knocking on his door in the middle of the night. He groaned, got up and put some pants on. The knocking began to get loader, "I'm coming."

He opened the door, it was Britta.

"Wow, thirteen whole months we lasted without a late night visit," he said with a sarcastic tone and raised his eyebrows, "That's a new record for us."

"Shut it," she rolled her eyes, "I'm here because I like you and I'm psyched to be your friend."

"Annnnd you just quoted me," he nodded, "Why are you here? Are you drunk?"

"No, I'm as sober as I've ever been."

"Then go. Go home and be with Troy," he shooed her with his hand as she stood in the hallway.

"I, I don't hate myself for it, so, so I came to you," she stammered, "Fuck what you say about Sandra Bullock."

Jeff noticed that her eyes looked blood-shot. He tilted his head at her and allowed his sleepy eyes to focus, "Why are you here in the middle of the night? And what is 'it'?"

"I don't hate myself for kissing you and I don't hate you for kissing Annie. That's why I came."

"You're with Troy, go home" Jeff replied as he sleepily leaned his arm on the opposite door frame.

"Troy and I had a long talk," she stated before walking under his arm and into the apartment.

"You just technically committed breaking and entering for the second known time into my apartment."

"Don't be cheeky, I'm trying to be serious here. You said we need to stop making hating ourselves someone else's job and to like stop hating ourselves or something like really similar to that. Also, something about going to ourselves first and then we could go to someone else. We don't hate ourselves anymore, Jeff."

"Britta, I said that after a long and grueling night of losing over three hundred dollars and temporarily my sanity."

"You don't get it do you?"

"No, I am really missing the point here, mostly because it is three in the morning and you are being confusing as hell."

"Here," she handed him a flashdrive.

"A flashdrive? I didn't realize you knew how to use one of these."

"I don't, Neil helped me," Britta admitted, "Now get your laptop and listen to it."

"To what?"

"To whats on the flashdrive, dah'doy."

"Fine, but only because I am like really tired and I know you won't leave until I do this," Jeff walked down the hallway into his bedroom and came back with his laptop.

Britta sat on his couch, he plopped himself next to her and rubbed his eyes as he waited for the computer to start up.

"Are you high?" he turned to her, with narrowed eyes.

"Um, no. Why would you say that?"

"Your eyes are bloodshot."

"I had an intense conversation with Troy, lets just leave it at that."

Jeff ruffled his hair, "So, what exactly is this?"

Britta looked down at her hands for a moment, then looked at Jeff with desperate eyes, "Its what Troy found on my computer that caused the long talk we had...well, do you remember that night you and Abed got insanely drunk before the Valentine's Day dance?"

"I don't remember the night, but I do remember the aftermath."

"He found the voicemail you left me, saved on my computer and listened to it."

"You kept the voicemail that long?"

She nodded as her forehead slightly crinkled.

Jeff opened the folder and they began to listen to the message.

_"You have one message- So, look I am reeaally into Michelle and I don't wan't to screw it up. She is a per-fect girlfriend and I wan't you to be as happy as me because your like my favorite friend, hahahaa, I'm sorry, Abed just made a turtle face."_

Jeff felt the goosebumps erupt up his spine. It was like seeing a ghost. The voice, it sounded like his voice, he thought, hell it is his voice. He listened to the message, his descriptions of his friendship with Britta, the thirty-seven minutes that were passing, felt like an eternity.

_"I mean like we're practically the same person, you know the arrow joke we made. I feel like I can talk to you, like I can't talk to anyone in the study group how I talk to you, and I just want you to be happy you know? I mean, you keep me grounded Britta, you don't accept my bullshit, but you accept me as I am at the same time. Its like you want me to im-improve, but not change who I am and that means a lot to me. _

_"I, I just want you to know its not jjust because you're hot because you, you are like rrr-ealllly hot Britta. ..hahhaha sorry Abed made the turtle face again hahhaa...Abed, what was I saying?...Oh yeah, hahaha its because, you stole me the faucets, and you let me be who I am. Because you try to help me without trying to change me, and its because you never try to let me win at arguments, even if I have the, the better point. Its because out of everyone I know, you just like 'get me,' you call me, me out on my shit, but you don't try to manipulate me into fixing it. And its, its because it never feels like a game with you, even if it always is. You know? Its just that, even though it seems like we wouldn't fit together, or get each other, or have anything in common, we do..._

_"Anyway, your my, my best friend Britta and I really do think, like someday I could, I could like be with you, but I'm scared Britta because like I don't, I don't think we would work out and I would lose my best friend. I've never had a best friend before andI've never bared my true self to anyone before. I'm like scared because I don't want you to hate me. You know, I like how we are happy as good friends and like I know we both are too 'fraid to messitup. I guess that's what I rrrrreaallly just wanted to say. Abed? Where is the button to turn this off? I can't, can't find it. Abed, turn it off. Abed, turn off it okay, like I think its right there. No, that is the speaker button. Ab-abed giv-."_

The message was cut-off. After an awkward silence, Jeff managed to say, "You're still my best friend, after all these years. I mean I don't know how I would have gotten through seeing my father without you, or through all my ego issues, or even the time I was homeless. You will always be my best friend."

Britta's eyes began to fill with tears, "Do you know, by saying that, it makes you the longest consistent relationship of any kind I've had in my life?"

Jeff looked at her for a long time, then said, "I was stupid and scared. If I never wen't back for my coat...I should have never listened to Abed's plan and let you go alone and we could have gotten completely smashed together afterward like you probably wanted. I was stupid. I was the biggest idiot one can Imagine that night. I-"

"No," she interrupted.

Jeff froze, Britta never interrupted him during his speeches. She usually let him keep going until the end and then called him out on all his bull-shit afterward.

"To be honest," she gulped, "I don't know what I would have done without you that night. We both know I was going to get drunk regardless and you knew what to do, you helped me. And yes, you did kiss Annie, but it was really none of my business, I wasn't there to see what happened. I only got a text message from my brother."

"You're brother told you?"

"Yeah, I think Sam and his demented thought process, thought Annie would screw him in the coatroom. So, he followed her in there after he saw my dad leave. He knew we were friends after Wesley told him the truth. He saw what happened and figured that I should know. That kid may be a fucking idiot, but he's still my brother."

"So, Abed didn't tell you?"

"How did Abed know?"

"He saw too."

"It doesn't matter anymore, none of it does," she stated.

After a silence, Britta rested her head on his shoulder, "Are you still scared?" she whispered.

"No, are you?" he shook his head and looked at her..

"A little."

"Don't be."

"I'm not going to leave," she stated.

"Me either," he responded as he pushed a loose strand of hair away from her face.

"What if it doesn't work?" she asked, looking up at him with wide, worried eyes.

"I don't know of any two people but us, who are able to have an argument and then make up thirty seconds later by giving each other one look, no matter how serious or meaningless the argument is. I mean who the hell argues about whether or not raisins belong in chocolate chip cookies?"

"It doesn't matter who argues about it, as long as its understood that raisins do belong in chocolate chip cookies."

"They don't. That just defeats the purpose of them being chocolate chip cookies. If raisins belonged in them, they would be called chocolate chip raisin cookies."

"The magical thing about chocolate chip cookies, Jeff, is the many different things you can add to the batter that makes them more awesome. Such as raisins, it gives them depth."

He ruffles his hands through his hair and got up from the couch, "Britta, we are not arguing about this at quarter to four in the morning. Also raisins suck."

"I don't care what time it is. They are called nature's candy for a reason, because candy tastes great, and raisins do too, but they are like better because they're all natural. They make a chocolate chip cookie more than just some generic thing. "

"You are ridiculous!" he exclaimed.

Britta kneeled up on the arm of couch, so she was eye-level with him, "And you are an asshole who cannot accept that raisins do, in fact belong in chocolate chip cookies."

With narrowed eyes he took slow steps closer to her, so they were inches apart, breathing in heavily.

"You are the biggest little pain in the ass ever! We were so close to having a stupid 'moment' together and you ruined it by starting up again about raisins." He said without breaking the intense eye-contact.

"You had to bring up the cookies, its not like you weren't asking for it," she couldn't help but smirk at him.

Jeff looked into her yes and breathed in deep before he kissed her. She grabbed ahold of his shoulders, while he picked her up, and continued to kiss her as he carried her down the hall to his bedroom.

* * *

After his long, impromptu, and emotional talk with Britta, Troy wen't home. They both shed many tears, Britta surprisingly more than Troy, but he felt like he did the right thing for both of them, despite it breaking his heart. He opened the door to the apartment and saw Abed leaving Annie's room. Troy looked at his cell phone, it was 3:15 am.

"Abed did you just walk out of the room I think I just saw you walk out of?"

"Yep," Abed nodded as he raised his eyebrows.

"No way," Troy squealed and then tilted his head, "Did you-"

"Yep," Abed interrupted and nodded.

"Dude, like wow," Troy smiled and shook his head. His smile quickly faded as he looked at Abed.

"You let her go," Abed stated.

"I told her to go to him," Toy nodded back, "I think I always knew I would have to eventually. You know like even though hurricanes can be dangerous and exciting, they can't be controlled."

Abed repeated, "Hurricanes can't be controlled."

"Its like this quote from my favorite book as a kid. It was the first chapter book that I like legit read for real. I think I read it like five times," Troy put on a southern accent, "There ain't no way you can hold onto something that wants to go, you understand? You can only love what you got while you got it."

"_Because of Winn Dixie_," Abed stated.

"Have you read it?"

"No, but I've seen the movie."

Troy began again, "I knew Britta and I wouldn't last, but it didn't make what we had any less special. I thought about it for a long time this week. She helped me grow up and I helped her learn to like herself. We'll always be friends, but I knew she would never be like truly happy with me. Like she can be obsessive and a little bit creepy. She needs someone she wont be obsessive over, someone who she can see the flaws of, like Jeff. That way she can focus on finding herself instead of obsessing over another person."

"So, are you okay?"

"Not yet, but I will be."

"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable," Abed deadpanned with a nod.

"_Wizard of Oz_, thanks man," Troy nodded back and then wen't into his room.

* * *

**A/N:** Thanks for reading my really long story and for any reviews/favorites. Also, I apologize for getting lazy with the characterizations at times.


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